No Thugs in Our House

A musical in three acts by XTC Cast of characters GRAHAM, a teenager MOTHER, a busy housewife FATHER, a conservative husband POLICEMAN, a young constable SCENE: A kitchen in suburbia, one bright Saturday morning ACT ONE Narrator: The insect-headed worker-wife will hang her waspies on the Line. Her husband burns his paper, sucks his pipe while studying Their cushion-floor, his viscous poly-paste breath comes out. Their Wall-paper world is shattered by his shout. A boy in blue is busy Banging out a headache on the kitchen door. All the while Graham Slept on, dreaming of a world where he could do just what he wanted To Mother and Father (in unison): No thugs in our house, are there dear? We made that clear, we made little Graham promise us he'd be a good Boy. No thugs in our house, are there dear? We made that clear, we Made little Graham promise us he'd be a good boy ACT TWO Narrator: The young policeman who just can't grow a moustache will Open up his book, and spoil their breakfast with reports of Asians who Have been so badly kicked Policeman: Is this your son's wallet I've got here? He must have Dropped it after too much beer! Mother: Oh, officer, we can't believe our little angel is the one You've picked Narrator: And all the while Graham slept on, dreaming of a world Where he could do just what he wanted to Mother and Father (in unison): No thugs in our house, are there dear? We made that clear, we made little Graham promise us he'd be a good Boy. No thugs in our house, are there dear? We made that clear, we Made little Graham promise us he'd be a good boy Narrator: They never read those pamphlets in his bottom drawer Policeman: They never read that tattoo on his arm Narrator: They thought that was just a boys club badge he wore Policeman: They never thought he'd do folks any harm ACT THREE Narrator: The insect-headed worker-wife will hang her waspies on the Line. She's singing something stale and simple now this business has Fizzled out. Her little tune is such a happy song. Her son is Innocent, he can't do wrong, 'cos Dad's a judge and knows exactly what The job of judging's all about. And all the while Graham slept on Dreaming of a world where he could do just what he wanted to Mother and Father (in unison): No thugs in our house, are there dear? We made that clear, we made little Graham promise us he'd be a good Boy. No thugs in our house, are there dear? We made that clear, we Made little Graham promise us he'd be a good boy Mother: No thugs in our house! Father: No thugs in our house! Complete cast (in unison): No thugs in our house, dear! Set Design by Andy Partridge with co-ordination by Ken Ansell Stage and Scenery by Art Dragon