Guess My Religion

Pastor: Hey siter Bettie, sister Clara And who is this? You new here, ain't you brother? Willie D: Yep Pastor: Well welcome to Mount Paid in Full God sure is good, ain't he? Willie D: Sure is Pastor: Well we gonna ask you to put all you valuables in this here cup And pass all your other metal objects to brother Swaggert You can pick em up over there on the other side Willie D: What, y'all having a problem with weapons or something in Church? Pastor: No, brother, it's just that Pastor Gimme don't want no change in the Church Verse 1: Ain't that a bitch, the churchhouse getting rich But I'm looking like dookie on a stick As soon as I walked in, they couldn't wait To pass that goddamned collection plate And before I could stick my dollar in The ushers were making rounds again To get there I had to hitch a ride And these motherfuckers talking about 20 percent in tithes Telling me it's for the homeless, and those With nowhere to go, but at night the church door is closed Now you can come as you are But you better be sharp as a tack, with a new car Cause if you ain't got that cash Watch them so-called Christians talk about your ass I don't give a fuck about your blessings You want to know my religion, why don't you guess it Chorus: (2x) Why's everybody keep playing with God? Verse 2: I gotta talk about these clowns behind the pulpit Cause they full of that bullshit It's no wonder they think they large With these motherfucking members treating they ass like God But they ain't God cause God loves everybody But Baptist preachers, they backslide When it comes to Muslims they ain't got no love Now what you motherfuckers scared of? That niggas will abandon your vision And say don't give me that old time religion I'm sick and tired of my homies getting killed And the pastor's saying that it's God's will Fuck the enemy, yo I don't love him That's why I cut for the motherfucking Muslims Put your hands on me and shit gets scary I'm a put your ass in a cemetary Now you'll call me Judas and say I ain't right But fuck you bitch, they talk about Christ I don't give a fuck about your blessings You want to know my religion why don't you guess it Chorus (2x) Verse 3: Now I know why my daddy don't go no more The church ain't nothing but a fashion show They going to meet and greet and peep and gaze They ain't trying to get saved Cause if they was they'd practice what they preached And praise the Lord more than one day out the week Maybe that's why a nigga ain't repenting The churchhouse be having some fine ass women in it And that's why the preacher can't spread the word of the Lord Cause he be looking just as hard It's the blind trying to lead the blind And you wonder why niggas is so behind I can stay my ass at the crib and watch the game If I want to be entertained Cause this shit done got out of hand Motherfuckers doing the bump in the choir stand You get mad cause I'm questioning your merit But goddamnit if the shoe fit, wear it I don't give a fuck about your blessings You want to know my religion why don't you guess it Chorus (4x) This song was inspired by all you so-called saved motherfuckers out there The ones thats backsliding You sinner free motherfuckers that be Jumping up and down in church every Sunday and shit getting the Holy Ghost But I'm a let you motherfuckers know If one of you hoes fall on me, I'm a knock your ass smooth out I don't give a damn, I'm straight up with it But some of you motherfuckers be Going out to the club on Saturday and shit And coming to church with a motherfucking hangover And oh yeah, all you motherfucking parents That's talking about Willie D is a bad influence on your kids Fuck you hoes, raise your own motherfucking kids I ain't no motherfucking role model You be your motherfucking kid's role model, motherfucking loser Yeah, just when a nigga start getting a piece of this apple pie In America, you hoes want to start lining against rap Smashing up tapes and shit, what you want us to do Start by climbing through your motherfucking windows In the middle of the night? You better speed on before you get peed on Now let the congregation say Amen