The Night Santa Went Crazy

[Verse 1] Down in the workshop, all the elves were making toys For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys When the boss busted in, nearly scared them half to death Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath From his beard to his boots, he was covered with ammo Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye "Merry Christmas to all! Now you're all gonna die!" [Chorus] The night Santa went crazy The night Saint Nick went insane Realized he'd been getting a raw deal Something finally must have snapped in his brain [Verse 2] Well, the workshop is gone now—he decided to bomb it Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet And he tied up his helpers, and he held the elves hostage And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbecued Blitzen And he took a big bite and said, "It tastes just like chicken!" [Chorus] The night Santa went crazy The night Kris Kringle went nuts Now you can hardly walk around the North Pole Without stepping in reindeer guts [Bridge] There's the National Guard and the FBI There's a van from the Eyewitness News And helicopters circlin' 'round in the sky And the bullets are flyin', the body count's risin' And everyone's dyin' to know ... oh Santa, why? My, my, my, my, my, my You used to be such a jolly guy [Verse 3] Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doing time In a federal prison for his infamous crime Hey, little friend now, don't you cry no more tears He'll be out with good behavior in seven hundred more years But now Vixen's in therapy, and Donner's still nervous And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service And they say Mrs. Claus, she's on the phone every night With her lawyer, negotiating the movie rights They're talkin' 'bout [Chorus] The night Santa went crazy The night Saint Nicholas flipped Broke his back for some milk and cookies Sounds to me like he was tired of gettin' gypped Wo-oh, the night Santa went crazy The night Saint Nick went insane Realized he'd been getting a raw deal Something finally must have snapped in his brain Wo-oh, something finally must have snapped in his brain Tell ya, something finally must have snapped... in his brain