Everything You Know Is Wrong

[Verse 1] I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane With a rabid wolverine in my underwear When suddenly a guy behind me in the backseat Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes I guessed is it Uncle Frank? or Cousin Louie? Is it Bob or Joe or Walter? Could it be Bill or Jim? or Ed Or Bernie or Steve? I probably would have kept on guessing But about that time we crashed into a truck And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt Finally I recognize the face of my Hibachi dealer Who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me [Chorus] Everything you know is wrong Black is white, up is down and short is long And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter Everything you know is wrong Just forget the words and sing along All you need to understand is Everything you know is wrong [Verse 2] I was walking to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams When I accidentally stepped into an alternate dimension And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space who kinda looked like Jamie Farr The sucked out my internal organs And they took some Polaroids And said I was a darn good sport And as a way of saying thank you They offered to transport me back to any point in history that I would care to go And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night So I could pay my phone bill on time But then the floating disembodied head of Colonel Sanders started yelling [Chorus] Everything you know is wrong Black is white, up is down and short is long And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter Everything you know is wrong Just forget the words and sing along All you need to understand is Everything you know is wrong [Instrumental Break] [Verse 3] I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin When I got a nasty paper cut And well, to make a long story short It got infected and I died So now I'm up in heaven with Saint Peter by the pearly gates And it's obvious he doesn't like the Nehru jacket that I'm wearing He tells me that they've got a dress code Well, he lets me into Heaven anyway But I get the room next to the noisy ice machine for all eternity and Every day he runs by screaming [Chorus] Everything you know is wrong Up is down and short is long And everything you used to think was so important Doesn't really matter anymore Because the simple fact remains that Everything you know is wrong Just forget the words and sing along All you need to understand is that Everything you know is wrong Everything you know is wrong