Couch Potato

[Intro] Look, if you had, one shot To sit on your lazy butt, and watch all the TV you ever wanted Until your brain turned to mush, would you go for it Or just let it slip Yo [Verse 1] Remote is ready, eyes wide, palms are sweaty There's Flintstones on the TV already, Wilma and Betty No virgin to channel surfin', and I'm HD ready So I flip, garbage is all I'm getting There's Simon Cowell, who folks wanna disembowel He opens his mouth, always says something foul They're dying wow, wannabes are crying now He votes 'em out, time to throw in the towel Shows based on reality, oh the humanity Oh, Ozzy's family sho' loves profanity Woah the insanity, oh dogs that crap and pee Home of depravity, no they live happily Yo, plus Da Ali G Show, and celebrity mo Oh there's Anna Nicole, she's scarin' me Look, ma—no cavities! Oh, it's a station break Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something [Hook] You're gonna lose your mind watching TV They told me, they'd scold me, but I'd still tune into every show My cable gets C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO The Travel Channel, Discovery and Lifetime You're gonna lose your mind watching TV They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off those music videos!" I'm gonna watch C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO The History Channel, and QVC, and Lifetime You're gonna... [Verse 2] My butt is aching, as I watch NASCAR racing That show about undertaking, Larry King To 24 to, Law & Order The Weather Channel's boring like 60 Minutes Ancient reporters, next up on E! True Hollywood Story The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey Shows for next fall, they've already been namin' CSI: Boise, and Touched by an Uncle Both sound pretty lamin' And so does Everybody Tolerates Raymond And King of Queens jumped the shark the first minute I can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it I move right on to 8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter Then I bet I watch The Bachelorette, followed by Welcome Back, Kotter And The Muppet Show where they go "Mahna Mahna" [Hook] You're gonna lose your mind watching TV They told me, they'd scold me, but I'd still tune into every show (oh) My cable gets C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO The Disney Channel and A&E and Lifetime You're gonna lose your mind watching TV They told me, cajoled me, but I still love Lisa Kudrow (oh) I'm lookin at C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO The Playboy Channel, and Court TV, and Lifetime You're gonna... [Verse 3] Never miss Melrose Place or Lost in Space I've seen each Amazing Race, Without a Trace But I only watched Will & Grace, one time, one day Wish I hadn't, cause TiVo now thinks I'm gay Oh, and Fear Factor, I watched maybe a half hour After that, felt like I needed a long shower Network execs with naked ambition Next week on FOX watch lions eat Christians Like to tie up those programming planners Make them watch all that junk until their heads explode just like Scanners Leech-covered, grub-eating fools on Survivor Look, there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of Mr. Rob Schneider and there's Gilligan and SpongeBob Plus there's MacGyver and Jay Leno has got Madonna Hey, there's Luke Perry And a special all Pig Latin episode of Drew Carey Wanna turn on ET, cause I'm a gossip freak And I gotta know who J-Lo is marrying this week A 30-second spot, then we come back to Are You Hot? I was planning on recording The Sopranos, I forgot I love shows with or without a plot I'll stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot Because I only have got one brain to rot I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot [Hook] You're gonna lose your mind watching TV They told me, they'd scold me, but I still tune into every show (oh) My cable gets C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime You're gonna lose your mind watching TV They told me, cajoled me, turn off that Oprah Winfrey show (oh) I got it on C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime You're gonna... You can watch anything you want to, man