When You're Evil

When the Devil is too busy And death's a bit too much They call on me by name, you see For my special touch To the gentlemen, I'm Miss Fortune To the ladies, I'm Sir Prize But call me by any name Anyway, it's all the same I'm the fly in your soup I'm the pebble in your shoe I'm the pea beneath your bed I'm a bump on every head I'm the peel on which you slip I'm a pin in every hip I'm the thorn in your side Makes you wriggle and writhe And it's so easy when you're evil This is the life, you see The Devil tips his hat to me I do it all because I'm evil And I do it all for free Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need While there's children to make sad While there's candy to be had While there's pockets left to pick While there's grannies left to trip down the stairs I'll be there, I'll be waiting round the corner It's a game, I'm glad I'm in it Cause there's one born every minute And it's so easy when you're evil This is the life, you see The Devil tips his hat to me I do it all because I'm evil And I do it all for free Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need I pledge my allegiance, to all things dark And I promise on my damned soul To do as I am told, Lord Beelzebub Has never seen a soldier quite like me Not only does his job, but does it happily I'm the fear that keeps you awake I'm the shadows on the wall I'm the monsters they become I'm the nightmare in your skull I'm a dagger in your back An extra turn on the rack I'm the quivering of your heart A stabbing pain, a sudden start And it's so easy when you're evil This is the life, you see The Devil tips his hat to me I do it all because I'm evil And I do it all for free Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need And I do it all for free Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need And I do it all for free Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need It gets so lonely being evil What I'd do to see a smile Even for a little while And no one loves you when you're evil I'm lying through my teeth! Your tears are all the company I need