Everything From Jesus To Jack Daniels

[Verse 1:] You wake up in the morning drink a beer and take a Valium And you're trying to forget about the things you did last night Flip through the morning paper read the horoscope and the comics You're as well informed as anybody on the left or the right You make it to your job and hear Atlanta lost another How can you lose while making half a million bucks or near The old man who sweeps the floor And wears a big blue Reagan button Says the Russians are a coming but they've been here for years [Chorus:] Tryin' everything from Jesus to Jack Daniels It's the all new American diet Tryin' everything from Jesus to Jack Daniels You get on it and you're on it for the rest of your life [Verse 2:] There's a story in the paper about a man who killed his family He jumped off a bridge because he couldn't take it anymore Down at the local tavern a young man comes in limpin' And he claims that he's a veteran of the Falkland Islands war You head home and you're accosted by a youngster wearin' robes And wanting money for his God who sits upon a plastic throne You ignore him if you can and make it to the local tavern Where you order up a drink and give some money to your own [Chorus] [Verse 3:] There's a man in Tennessee who's got it figured out completely I guess that he's as happy as a thinking man can be I asked him what he thought and he said brother let me tell you Try a little bit of both and leave out everything in between [Chorus]