Maria

[BERTHE:] She climbs a tree And scrapes her knee Her dress has got a tear [SOPHIA:] She waltzes on her way to mass And whistles on the stair [BERTHE:] And underneath her wimpole She has curlers in her hair! [SOPHIA:] I ever hear her singing in the abbey [BERTHE:] She's always late for chapel [MARGARETTA:] But her penitence is real [BERTHE:] She's always late for everything Except for every meal [MOTHER ABBESS:] I hate to have to say it But I very firmly feel [BERTHE AND SOPHIA:] Maria's not an asset to the abbey! [MARGARETTA:] I'd like to say a word in her behalf Maria makes me laugh! [SOPHIA:] How do you solve a problem like Maria? [MOTHER ABBESS:] How do you catch a cloud and pin it down? [MARGARETTA:] How do you find a word that means Maria? [BERTHE:] A flibberti gibbet! [SOPHIA:] A willo' the wisp! [MARGARETTA:] A clown! [MOTHER ABBESS:] Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her Many a thing she ought to understand [MARGARETTA:] But how do you make her stay And listen to all you say [MOTHER ABBESS:] How do you keep a wave upon the sand? [MARGARETTA:] Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria? [MOTHER ABBESS:] How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand? [MARGARETTA:] When I'm with her I'm confused Out of focus and bemused And I never know exactly where I am [SOPHIA:] Unpredictable as weather She's as flighty as a feather [MARGARETTA:] She's a darling [BERTHE:] She's a demon [MARGARETTA:] She's a lamb [SOPHIA:] She'd out-pester any pest Drive a hornet from his nest [BERTHE:] She can throw a whirling dervish Out of whirl [MARGARETTA:] She is gentle She is wild [SOPHIA:] She's a riddle [MARGARETTA:] She's a child [BERTHE:] She's a headache! [MARGARETTA:] She's an angel! [MOTHER ABBESS:] She's a girl [ALL NUNS:] How do you solve a problem like Maria? How do you catch a clown and pin it down? How do you find a word that means Maria? A flibberti gibbet! A willo' the wisp! A clown! Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her Many a thing she ought to understand But how do you make her say And listen to all you say? How do you keep a wave upon the sand? Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria? How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?