I'm A Hustler

Spoken: Ladies and gentlemen, the Mayor of New York Good morning; it's been brought to my attention that many rap artists claim that they run New York - but this is not the case. In fact, I wrote my own song about what it's really like. Please excuse the profanity in advance - hit it I RUN NEW YORK! New York, big city of dreams, And you know that I run this town (I run it!) King of the streets, ??? concretes Skyscrapers on my crown. So if you want this Big Apple, Come try to take a bite, Cause I run this motherfucking city and I won't give it up without a fight Yo, I run New York - it's a pain in the ass! The city's crowded as fuck, and it's covered in trash. And the sanitation chief just shoved his shit in my face; Another transit strike? Oh fucking great! I can't wait To have another meeting with the labor union So the mob can bend me over And then shove their fucking shoe in So I do it so you can sip your pumpkin latté. I literally run New York, and it's fucking exhausting [Hook 1] I run New York, it's a fucking headache It really wears you down In this lake of bureaucratic bullshit, It's a miracle I don't drown I *double* literally run New York: I run the marathon Plus I organized it So I double-run the marathon But no one seems to give a fuck that I'm a paragon Instead they photoshop me so It's looking like I wear a thong And laugh at it in my own office when I'm gone I went to the Knicks game, and They booed me on the jumbotron! Excuse me for trying to help you; They won't be satisfied until I'm Locked up in Bellevue. I guess they don't tell you this job sucks dick I run New York and it feels like shit [Hook 2] The chief of police is a major bully He laughs at my ideas. (He's a jerk!) He made fun of my tie last week And I had to fight back tears Now on the surface, it probably seems like I should quit Cause I spend every day getting punched in the dick. But at night I travel down into the subway Wearing chainmail, locked and loaded for gunplay, And battle the gigantic fire-breathing mutant rats. If I fucking quit, who the fuck would do that? I'll give you a hint: the answer is no one That's why I'm in the sewer dressed up like a shogun. Because on the equinox, a Hell Gate springs, Releasing hounds wreathed in the blood of kings. And no one even knows! They just think I'm a dork But I still kill those fucking dogs, because I RUN NEW YORK [Hook 3] I run New York, it's a shitty gig; There's no overtime in my pay. (Bullshit!) I asked this city for a fucking bonus And they said "no fucking way!" So rotten is this Big Apple It's crawling with worms inside But I run this motherfucking shithole city And it makes me wanna die I RUN NEW YORK! Thank you