Slap Happy!

[Intro]: I'm not a very violent person I generally tend to, ya know, talk things out before getting too physical. But every once in a while when it feels like I'm just- I'm just not getting my point across, I just start SLAPPING PEOPLE! HARD! [Hook]: Listen to my words, welcome to the show The J to the O, if ya don't know See a whole lot of people, but there's not enough dough So ya gonna get slapped in the face We got the furnace turned up, come on in from the cold Now everybody clap when I dance, watch me go If there's anything you need, don't be shy, let me know But ya gonna get slapped in the face! [Verse 1]: I'll slap you across the face when you least expect it Run up and slap you across the face while you eatin' breakfast I'll dip my hand in holy water, ask the priest to bless it Break in and slap you across the face during your weeks confession I'll slap you across the face like Brad Pitt in Fight Club I'll slap you across the face wearing a steel knight's glove I'll slap you across the face, over and over Till you back up to the edge of a cliff then give you a slight shove! I'll slap you across the face with a velvet locket With pictures of me and a Shrink I've been seeing to help me stop it I'll slap you across the face so hard Anybody within a mile radius would swear a manta ray was belly floppin' I'll slap you across the face with a brick of cinder I'll slap you across the face with an operational kitchen blender I'll slap you across the face with a live chicken Kill it, fry it, then slap you again with it as chicken tenders, I'm ridiculous! [Hook] Listen to my words, welcome to the show The J to the O, if ya don't know See a whole lot of people, but there's not enough dough So ya gonna get slapped in the face We got the furnace turned up, come on in from the cold Now everybody clap when I dance, watch me go If there's anything you need, don't be shy, let me know But ya gonna get slapped in the face! [Verse 2]: I feel as if ya face was made for slappin' I take you out drinking then slap ya face with the card that we paid a tab with I'll slap you till you catch on, and take evasive action Then start to slap you in increasingly more creative fashions I'll sneak up behind you and slap you at the super market Hold some chocolate milk up to your face and slap you through the carton I'll break into your car, wait for you to come and start it Then slap you across the face with the crap in your glove compartment I'll slap you across the face while I'm askin' you questions With impossible answers, then slap you for havin' to guess em' I'll tie prosthetic hands to ceiling fans Hold you up to em' and slap you across the face in rapid succession I'll reach out from your laptop, and slap you while you blogging Hide out in the mailbox, reach up and slap you while you jogging I'll befriend you for years, manufacture my own death Then when you come to my wake, reach up and slap you from my coffin, I'm ridiculous! [Hook] Listen to my words, welcome to the show The J to the O, if ya don't know See a whole lot of people, but there's not enough dough So ya gonna get slapped in the face We got the furnace turned up, come on in from the cold Now everybody clap when I dance, watch me go If there's anything you need, don't be shy, let me know But ya gonna get slapped in the face! [Verse 3]: I'll slap you with anything that you own I'll slap you with a dismembered chunk of your tempur pedic mattress foam I'll slap you at the office, I'll slap you at your home I'll stick my hand through the ear-piece and slap you through the phone No matter where you go, my slaps are sure to find you I'll get a job at McDonald's and slap you through the drive-thru And when I slap you enough, you'll get amnesia and forget who I am I'll introduce myself, and slap you to remind you I run at the speed of light, time travel and cause commotion Past present and future, I slap you from all approaches I'll slap you post-mortem after cracking your coffin open Then slap you before conception by slapping your fathers scrotum I'll slap you in December. I'll slap you in July I'll slap you across the face once for each digit of pi I'll slap you till you stop moving, I'll slap you till you die And on your way to Heaven, I'll jump up and slap you out the sky, I'm ridiculous! [Hook]: Listen to my words, welcome to the show The J to the O, if ya don't know See a whole lot of people, but there's not enough dough So ya gonna get slapped in the face We got the furnace turned up, come on in from the cold Now everybody clap when I dance, watch me go If there's anything you need, don't be shy, let me know But ya gonna get slapped in the face!