M.H.'s Jokes

(MES is the one swearing a lot) Anyway, this guy goes "Fuckin 'ell, you don' 'alf complain for an eleven year old do you?" Ooooohhhh -That machine is nice -Fuck off it took me ages to get that, yeah -I want that machine -Yeah what yeah right -clean joke -Wuh -If I tell a good clean joke, can I have that? -No you fuckin can't -I want it, honest -You can't have it -There's no VUs coming up there at all. Is it supposed to have VUs on it? -No, it's not. 'S fuckin' my machine, that. Keep your hands off it -It's your machine. It's a VU-less machine. Sure it's recording, Mark? Better turn the volume up. OK, what d'you call a guy with a spade in his head? Doug -Jesus, that's pathetic -What d'you call a guy who's been dead and buried for 30,000 years? Pete. (nervous laugh) Come on, then, astound me with your wit, Mark (Cut) -Come on, rewind it, let's see what you had to say -Erm, we've been through this before, haven't we? -Right I'll do it for the tape like all them other bands do, like we've done it once, but the cameras weren't rolling -Nah, I'm thinking of my joke actually -So I'm reading Frank Zappa, right, it's an au- it's a biography by Frank Zappa -Right (MES totally disinterested) -And - errrr - it's 1988, I go tup to 1988 and the book is about how many things he released, when he released it -Hrrrrrrghhhhhm -How many offshoots and all this shit, and all of a sudden I'm realising, errr -More interested when you were talking about Napoleon actually