The Book Lovers

"This book deals with epiphenomenalism, which has to do with consciousness as a mere accessory of physiological processes whose presence or absence... makes no difference... whatever are you doing?" Aphra Behn: Hello Cervantes: Donkey Daniel Defoe: To christen the day! Samuel Richardson: Hello Henry Fielding: Tittle-tattle Tittle-tattle... Lawrence Sterne: Hello Mary Wollstonecraft: Vindicated! Jane Austen: Here I am! Sir Walter Scott: We're all doomed! Leo Tolstoy: Yes! Honore de Balzac: Oui... Edgar Allan Poe: Aaaarrrggghhhh! Charlotte Brontë: Hello... Emily Brontë: Hello... Anne Brontë: Hellooo..? Nikolai Gogol: Vas chi Gustave Flaubert: Oui William Makepeace Thackeray: Call me 'William Makepeace Thackeray' Nathaniel Hawthorne: The letter 'A' Herman Melville: Ahoy there! Charles Dickens: London is so beautiful this time of year... Anthony Trollope: good-good-good-good evening! Fyodor Dostoevsky: Here come the sleepers... Mark Twain: I can't even spell 'Mississippi'! George Eliot: George reads German Emile Zola: J'accuse Henry James: Howdy Miss Wharton! Thomas Hardy: Ooo-arrr! Joseph Conrad: I'm a bloody boring writer... Katherine Mansfield: [cough cough] Edith Wharton: Well hello, Mr James! DH Lawrence: Never heard of it EM Forster: Never heard of it! Happy the man, and happy he alone Who in all honesty can call today his own; He who has life and strength enough to say 'Yesterday's dead and gone - I want to live today' James Joyce: Hello there! Virginia Woolf: I'm losing my mind! Marcel Proust: Je ne m'en souviens plus F Scott Fitzgerald: baa bababa baa Ernest Hemingway: I forgot the.... Hermann Hesse: Oh es ist alle so häßlich Evelyn Waugh: Whoooaarr! William Faulkner: Tu connais William Faulkner? Anaïs Nin: The strand of pearls Ford Maddox Ford: Any colour, as long as it's black! Jean-Paul Sartre: Let's go to the Dôme, Simone! Simone de Beauvoir: C'est exact present Albert Camus: The beach... the beach Franz Kafka: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! Thomas Mann: Mam Graham Greene: Call me 'pinky', lovely Jack Kerouac: Me car's broken down... William S Burroughs: Wowwww! Happy the man, and happy he alone Who in all honesty can call today his own; He who has life and strength enough to say 'Yesterday's dead and gone - I want to live today' Kingsley Amis: [cough] Doris Lessing: I hate men! Vladimir Nabokov: Hello, little girl... William Golding: Achtung Busby! JG Ballard: Instrument binnacle Richard Brautigan: How are you doing? Milan Kundera: I don't do interviews Ivy Compton Burnett: Hello... Paul Theroux: Have a nice day! Günter Grass: I've found snails! Gore Vidal: Oh, it makes me mad! John Updike: Run rabbit, run rabbit, run, run, run... Kazuro Ishiguro: Ah so, old chap! Malcolm Bradbury: stroke John Steinbeck, stroke JD Salinger Iain Banks: Too orangey for crows! AS Byatt: Nine tenths of the law, you know... Martin Amis: [burp] Bret Easton Ellis: Aaaaarrrggghhh! Umberto Eco: I don't understand this either... Gabriel Garcia Marquez: Mi casa es su casa Roddy Doyle: ha ha ha! Salman Rushdie: Names will live forever...