Uneasy Rider

[Verse] I was taking a trip out to L.A Tooling along in my Chevrolet Taking on a number and digging on the radio Just as I crossed the Mississippi line I heard that highway start to whine And I knew that left rear tire was about to blow Well the spare was flat and I got uptight Cause there wasn't a filling station in sight So I just limped on down the shoulder on the rim I went as far as I could and when I stopped the car It was right in front of this little bar Kind of a red-neck looking joint called the Dew Drop Inn I stuffed my hair up under my hat And told the bartender that I had a flat And would he be kind enough to give me change for a one There was one thing I was sure proud to see There wasn't a soul in the place except for him and me He just looked disgusted and pointed toward the telephone I called up the station down the road a ways He said he wasn't very busy today And he could have someone out there in just about 10 minutes or so He said, "Now, you just stay right where yer at!" And I didn't bother to tell the darn fool That I sure as hell didn't have anyplace else to go I just ordered up a beer and sat down at the bar When some guy walked in and said, "Who owns this car With the peace sign, the mag wheels and the four on the floor?" He looked at me and I damn near died And I decided that I'd just wait outside So I laid a dollar on the bar and headed for the door Just when I thought I'd get out of there with my skin These 5 big dudes come strolling in With one old drunk chick and some fella with green teeth I was almost to the door when the biggest one Said, "You tip your hat to this lady, son!" And when I did, all that hair fell out from underneath Now the last thing I wanted was to get into a fight In Jackson Mississippi on a Saturday night Especially when there was three of them and only one of me They all started laughing and I felt kinda sick And I knew I better think of something pretty quick So I just reached out and kicked old green teeth right in the knee Now he let out a yell that'd curl your hair But before he could move I grabbed me a chair And said "Now watch him Folks cause he's a thoroughly dangerous man!" "You may not know it but this man is a spy He's a undercover agent for the FBI And he's been sent down here to infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan!" He was still bent over holding on to his knee But everybody else was looking and listening to me And I laid it on thicker and heavier as I went I said, "Would you believe this man has gone as far As tearing Wallace stickers off the bumpers of cars And he voted for George McGovern for President." "Well, he's a friend of them long haired, hippy-type, pinko fags! I bet you he's even got a commie flag Tacked up on the wall inside of his garage." "He's a snake in the grass, I tell you guys He may look dumb but that's just a disguise He's a mastermind in the ways of espionage" They all started looking real suspicious at him And he jumped up and said "Now just wait a minute Jim! You know he's lying I been living here all of my life!" "I'm a faithful follower of Brother John Birch And I belong to the Antioch Baptist Church And I ain't even got a garage, you can call home and ask my wife!" Then he started saying something bout the way I was dressed But I didn't wait around to hear the rest I was too busy moving and hoping I didn't run out of luck When I hit the ground I was making tracks And they were just taking my car down off the jacks So I threw the man a twenty and jumped in and fired that mother up Mario Andretti would be sure been proud Of the way I was moving when I passed that crowd Coming out the door and headed toward me at a trot And I guess I should of gone ahead and run But somehow I just couldn't resist the fun Of chasing them all just once around the parking lot Well they headed for their car, but I hit the gas And spun around and headed them off at the pass I was slinging gravel and putting a ton of dust in the air I had them all out there stepping and fetching Like their heads was on fire and their asses was catching Then I figured I had better go ahead and split before the cops got there When I hit the road I was really wheeling Had gravel flying and rubber squealing And I didn't slow down till I was almost to Arkansas I think I'm going to reroute my trip I wonder if anybody'd think I'd flipped If I went to L.A., via Omaha