How The Fuck You Get A Deal

[Intro] [KEITH] A&R? I'm lost and a little wack, just...not like them other guys, just a little wack I want a real record deal [RECORD EXECUTIVE] A real record deal? Ok. Ummm, what ya do is You're gonna get on your ashy ass knees, you're gonna suck some white cock You're gonna take your left hand and grab my nuts for promotion Ya gonna take the right one and tickle my anus for distribution And what you're gonna do, you look like you can't dance a lick So we're gonna get you two pairs of white converse And some big fat butt big bitches from down south with big ass lips to dance for you We're gonna have somebody write your lyrics, cause you're wack as fuck And then we're gonna make you a fuckin' star guy Oh shit! Who's those fuckin guys? Who the fuck are those guys? Wh- YOUR SHIT IS WACK HOW THE FUCK YOU GET A DEAL x8 [KOOL KEITH/RHYTHM X] I'm mad, ok, call me Doctor Giggles With my Tonka toy trucks, smearin' doo doo in the halls I'm just a patient, yea, I'm on a second floor Bellevue Creek on my medical tour Yo hey Doc, let me shoot my skin with some accuracy How come I see red, a fireman after me Rappers better wait by the am-bu-lance Call they moms, X to emergency You got a mouse in your throat, you need an operation I take a Calico M and point and shoot it out Make you think you fuckin' with a giraffe Holdin' a shark face Now how did that dog taste I was the man for years, we eatin' doberman Jeffery Dahmer callled and said, yo come over man I rather spread out MCs than eat a wildebeest Chew off his feet and bomb a Denorex, next I put his shoes and the wig and then a pickup truck Kids are cryin', can't find the little dog Hey Jimmy don't cry yo here's a little candy Now Hefty garbage bag might could even come in handy I got some beers and a soda in a pick-up truck You wanna hitchhike, I don't give a fuck I ride around in towns like nothin' happen Fingas snappin', Ol' The Killa' keeps rappin' I move stop in a store, grab my M&M's Drink my Yoo-hoos, throw away my Slim Jims It's the baldhead kid, I own a Volkswagen The FBI knows he fuckin with my station wagon I got no time for sleep, I know your address Yes, what you gonna buy me for my birthday? [GODFATHER DON] I'm in a world of shit, caught between deals And foes forever, but executives are like eels I pack reels and tax skills, mad kills Call the EMS cause Black Steel is here In the hour of chaos, some other Mayor Blow his fuckin' ass away My hybrid model 29 with the twelve hundred FPS Mad cutters wear the fuck the nine boots on With my sticka, I can't forget promotion Now I cause commotion, like plasma in the ocean I con-taminate like a virus I check the iris, fly this try this You need Midas righteous when you know I'm gonna beat that ass Like ya local truant officer I get in that officer, without a condom I'm condescending, I find a blending of street savvy And camouflage khaki, don't forget that tech on ya neck Who keeps hittin', pig kickin', boot lickin' Always fryin' chicken Pickin' pickin' kickin' like gettin' gettin' wickin' New kicks from pickin' I'm tickin' tockin' like diarrhia droppin' Gimme a towel and wipe it on the walls, like Keith With peanuts, vultures are playin' basketball Stomp em, chomp em with ya dentures Human the adventures of the nigga' with the snot clocka' Chop ya like a ninja, when I injure I'm on the ill shit, like kickin' niggas in the nuts I'm pourin salt in ya cuts Ya cuts suck chuck suck ya nuts So what's up with the fuckin' of ya sista' hit me up Girl knees chucks like bees Headin' from the slaughterhouse I flip like a porter rock Don't let me hear shit that ya lick Since I bought a Glock cause now you bought yourself The odds are in my favor, my rite feels s'ok Cause devils won't save ya from the man who'd take ya Produced Anita Baker, I took her home and laid her I hit her with a plate of this dick, she's rich so I ate her, fuck it My nose in the bucket so I'll get it Call me Ice Cream Unit cause my shit is wicked [UNKNOWN] Wiggidyjat tat is the sound of my gat As I clap a mothafucka' tryin' to flip like an acrobat D-giggidyjade tha record, figgidy fuck tha mic checka' Skigigidy skids I never sweat it cause it j'ain't no betta' I used to play that hand way back 'bout a year ago But ask about me now, "that niggas alone bro" Tryin' to swing an f-beat, so brothas are you ready Don lay the track so I rock it rap steady HOW THA FUCK YOU GET A DEAL [KEITH] Hello? Hello record company executive? [RECORD EXECUTIVE] Yes? [KEITH] I realized what real rap was about, and I...want to get a release [RECORD EXECUTIVE] You want a release? Ok kid, tell ya what... I want you to bend over cause I'm gonna fuck ya I'm gonna keep on fuckin' ya until you stay on my fuckin' label I'm gonna get you two orange techs, a white camouflage suit and some silver boots I'm gonna shave your head, and send yaout as the crimson dynamo. Ok? You're gonna be on tour 24/7, 7 days a week, 365 days a year with an occasional day off to come suck this fuckin' dick. You're gonna love it kid, you're gonna be big...