Just a Few Things That I Ain't

[Verse 1] When you called me a useless druggie At least you got half of it right When you called me a hopeless alcoholic I'm only hopeless after nine at night And when I said you came staggering home blind drunk If I didn't you'd get terrible fright And if this is the land of hope and glory Where's the land of hope but not quite [Chorus 1] I've been scruff bag, dirt bag, always someone's bin bag But never been Bono or Sting However I dressed never really impressed So they never got to hear a damn thing I've been bad man, sad man, certified mad But never 007 or saint Trendsetter, go-getter, international jet setter Are just a few things that I ain't Trendsetter, go-getter, international jet setter Are just a few things that I ain't [Verse 2] The time you told class I was a half-wit Was my very first 50% Previous best in any other test Was either stolen, copied, or lent And when you branded me and every single one of my mates A waste of time and effort to teach Why'd you give us sums if our only hope was bums On someone else's deckchair and beach [Chorus 2] I've been smart-arse, mardy-arse, on-and-off a lard-arse But never been a legend to God New thing, dumb thing, even last year's thing Headbang? - not even a nod! I've been left-wing, secure-wing, lost stripes, gained winged We've never caused a lady to faint Wide boy, ladyboy, read-it-in-the-paper boy A few things they said that I ain't Wide boy, ladyboy, read-it-in-the-paper boy A few things they said that I ain't [Verse 3] When popularity soared, hometown and abroad I spent most of it trying to breathe in Always ill at ease, too willing to please An inferior life's bargain bin When you come from a background of bargain bins You're bound to fear it ends where it begins So when nation adored we felt more of a fraud And too phoney to celebrate wins [Chorus 1]