Reflection

[Intro: The Act] Can't stand at ease Low self-esteem Screen is a window Portal to my soul See right through me All that's left is a hole I hate the sound of my voice I'm stuck with the noise Can't stand at ease Low self-esteem Screen is a window Portal to my soul See right through me All that's left is a hole [Verse 1: The Act] This is a Critical self-reflection Sleepless nights, result in depression Criticizing, to the point of insanity Extra attention, to this damn vanity Like a detective See every detail with an inspection Not to mention, I remember every mistake Ever made, every scene, every take Recorded and stored in my memory banks And replayed in my brain Whenever I try to rest and sleep Unwind, undo, rewind, replay In my dreams Thanks, no thanks Nobody but me to blame I've looked for an escape Dead end in every lane I'm no Superman, but she's my Lois Lane Fond moments are gone Cause I washed them down the drain! There isn't any pain, just so much regret Think about it every day, it's got me a little upset I feel like an idiot, filled with detest And an anger in my chest No wisdom I'm still a fuckin' little kid 18 years lived, and I still don't know shit I don't know what love is Not because I've never been loved No, quite the opposite I've just been too stupid To cherish it Least I acknowledge it So I forgot Now there's a fog 'causin' a mental block Can't get over it Weighed down by chains and locks Holdin' me to the Earth A lesson left to learn Caused you so much hurt, I deserve to burn It is what I have earned The paycheck for which I worked A pain-check Something I accept I'm the one who stacked the deck I expect no less Goddamnit, I make no sense It's like a noose around my neck Cuttin' off the blood to my head I'd take my last breath But I'm cursed with undeath... [Bridge] [Verse 2: The Act] Yeah, I had it all with you But I really dropped the ball Kept movin' on without lookin in the rearview What I'd do just to be near you I wasn't seeing things clear, you Gotta understand My vision was foggy and faded And our relationship degraded Cause I was acting so jaded I look back now, and I hate it! I see a mirror and I break it And it is not painless The pain is, what I get for being brainless I don't wanna make excuses But my thoughts were fucked And I was so clueless As to What was in front of me, now I'm just stuck I wish I could go back and re-do this Shake myself the fuck up, it's bullshit I hurt you, and everything is ruined But I really had no idea If you think I knew it That's not what the truth is I can't believe how badly I blew it But I deserve everything I get now To suffer and struggle through it Lie awake every night and review it It taints my dreamscape And it seems late But I am so fuckin' sorry I keep things as a keepsake To remind me of my deep pain So I don't forget, e-late I know you can re-late I don't want to teach hate I'm an asshole, and I was angry At every curve ball, twist and turn That life served froze on home plate Home is a battleground, no escape I'll never know what it means to be home safe I dove and all I got was road burn What I really need is some closure I can't ask for your forgiveness Because everything we had is over