I'm Awesome

[Intro] Awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome I don't necessarily have to be here for this I'm gonna keep the headphones though [Chorus] Mother fucker I'm awesome! No you're not, dude don't lie I'm awesome! I'm drivin around in my mom's ride I'm awesome! A quarter of my life gone by And I met all my friends online Mother fucker I'm awesome! I will run away from a brawl I'm awesome! There's no voice mail, nobody called I'm awesome! I can't afford to buy eight balls And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall [Verse 1] You know my pants sag low (low) Even though (though) that went out of style Like ten years ago (go) Spose, I got the swagger of a cripple I got little biceps Getting fatter in the middle And lyrically I'm not the best Physically the opposite of Randy Moss and yet So preposterous Feel the awesomeness, the most obnoxious guest Up at the sausage fest Oh yes The girls are repulsed So I hide in my hood like I'm joining a cult I'm as nervous as my cat, ol' Dirty Curtis All my writtens are bitten and All my verses are purchased Me? I'll never date an actress Got too many back zits Plus my whole home aroma is cat piss Every show I do is poorly promoted And if you like this? It's cause my little sister wrote it [Chorus] [Scratching] The swagger of a cripple [Verse 2] Check it out I'm from Maine and I don't hunt (nope) And I can't ski Smoke weed but I can't roll blunts Find me whipped by my wifey My neck not icy Eatin' at McDonalds because Subway is pricey Ha, and my uni-brow is plucked Just asked my mom if I could borrow ten bucks She's like, "For what? Blunt wraps and some Heinekens? You skinny prick, go get a gym membership and vitamins!" I'm like, "Mom please, don't blame it on me I got my bad habits from you, Dad, and Aunt Steve." My attitude's sour but my futon's sweet And the hair on my ass, it is Jumanji Suit un-tailored, ringtone Taylor Swift Can't tweet up on my Twitter Cause I haven't done shit Bank account red, body ungroomed The only good thing about me is I'm off stage soon [Chorus] I'm awesome! No you're not, dude don't lie I'm awesome! I'm drivin around in my mom's ride I'm awesome! A quarter of my life gone by And I met all my friends online Mother fucker I'm awesome! I will run away from a brawl I'm awesome! There's no voice mail, nobody called I'm awesome! I can't afford to buy eight balls And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall I'm awesome [Scratched] Suit untailored, ringtone Taylor Swift [Verse 3] Furthermore I'm cornier than Ethanol Cheesier than Provolone I spent ages eight to ten living in a motor home With a ego the size of Tim Duncan Even though I got shit for brains like a blumpkin I'm twenty four, serving lobster rolls Because I spent a decade filling Optimos And I'm not even the bomb in Maine On my game I'm only about as sexy as John McCain Now put your hands up If you have nightmares If you wouldn't man up if there was a fight here If you got dandruff If you drink light beer I'm outta breath [Chorus] But I'm awesome! No you're not, dude don't lie I'm awesome! I'm drivin around in my mom's ride I'm awesome! A quarter of my life gone by And I met all my friends online Mother fucker I'm awesome! I will run away from a brawl I'm awesome! There's no voice mail, nobody called I'm awesome! I can't afford to buy eight balls And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall I'm awesome