The Stages...

[Verse One: Speed on the Beat] Taken back to that day, about twenty years ago When I almost lost the one who gave a fuck regardless Who made me heartless to these hoes And told me "fuck the law" If they weren't treating my brothers right So of course I'm hanging on for help! Stepfather does compressions, nothing seems to help EMS make it there, and they take over And the cop they sent, he just seems to get in the way Roland almost knocked him out, that would've been the day They carry her down butt-naked, and I'm riding in the front I didn't know that my journey'd just begun... I wasn't supposed to be here, but Kel and I went through Another breakup. This time, I don't know if the glue We once used will be strong enough, even with two kids And if I lose you, I've lost two in the span of two weeks Shit...you've gotta pull through, I'm praying and I'm praying We don't move in the ambulance, we're staying, you're fading [Hook: Speed on the Beat] I don't wish this shit on anybody, man... Friend, foe, or stranger... (Damn) Cause this shit right here? It's hella crazy Just going through the stages [Verse Two: Speed on the Beat] The first time I saw her after she died Her right eye was still open Halfway as to halfway say "Johnthan I'm still watching over ya" Her body? Still kind of warm And Roland thought he saw a breath I wanted to believe, but I couldn't force a lie That I'd seen her take her last breaths Still had the black intubation tubes on her mouth At least this time she was covered Cause when she left from the house... Like I said. we draped a blouse... 'Round her, since it wasn't worth the trouble It'd seem, to let her at least die with some fucking dignity I guess, she at least died with her fucking family Technically, she was DOA... Per the paper from that stupid cop the same day [Hook: Speed on the Beat] I don't wish this shit on anybody, man... Friend, foe, or stranger... (Damn) Cause this shit right here? It's hella crazy Just going through the stages. (x2) [Verse Three: Speed on the Beat] This dumbass at Sinai? She keep making fat jokes While I'm trying to cope. Fuck your staff. I hope she chokes On a hot dog and some rope. She said: "Ya mama wasn't a small woman." "Surprised they got her down." Bitch! I wanted to end you and your family But you probably would've gotten aroused By the fact a man wanted to touch your wack ass in any way So I stayed away, walked out and called Raquel And not to be selfish, but I'm tired of everybody asking me "Johnthan, how did it happen?" like I'm a dictionary Like I want to keep replaying the fucking memory I wasn't even in the room! I rushed in when Roland told me "Johnny, your mom's not breathing." She's already gone... I knew. But,I didn't want to accept it, of course Called 911. The EMTs took their sweet-ass time Responder on the phone more concerned with mine I'm like "bitch, I'm fine. Just try to save my mom." Roland did CPR, and nothing would restart... Her heart. Even shocks, even I.V.s, even EMTs I knew she was gone. But, even still, I stayed craying... And praying for a miracle I almost lost her like this before And honestly, it's the worst way for my mom to go Because now? I would have both memories: age 6 and 26 Constantly playing in my fucking head on repeat like this Cruel thing called faith? Fuck that bitch (Cruel thing called fate? Fuck this shit)