Intervention

STD: Oh... hey guys... FRONT: Hi, Schaffer STD: What are you all doing here? FRONT: I think you better sit down STD: Are you kidding me? JESSE D: No, this is dead serious STD: Is this seriously an intervention? FRONT: This is the seriousest intervention STD: What the hell, you guys? FRONT: Well, you should ask yourself "What the Hell?" STD: You know, I really don't need this right now JESSE D: I think you do, I think you need to hear it STD: Alright, you went to all this trouble.. JESSE D: Thank you STD: Say what ya got to say FRONT: Enjoy DR. AWK: Hey Schaffer, it's been too long What '09 when you went and dropped that Bender song? STD: So? DR. AWK: Come on, get your shit together, I hear you're smoking the skooma STD: No DR. AWK: This incessant impression's got me wishing it was a tumor STD: Nice DR. AWK: I don't mean it, your habit's just starting to eat me With all that cocaine, you'd think you'd finish an EP STD: Come on DR. AWK: You suck now, put the alcohol down We're only doing this cuz we want you around STD: Whatever WARROCK: Hey, Schaffer it's safe here, but it's safer in psychotherapy There where the drugs and women can't get to you, like it's very concerning I've only ever see you either drunk or high Think fans only want to see that Darklord guy? STD: I do WARROCK: But I think you took this villain stuff a little far With the drugs and alcohol, only so long before you fall Cuz I care more for Mark, STD is just a character I'm only telling you because I care for ya Come on, man STD: I don't wanna hear it, I don't wanna hear it I just wanna disappear, now listen here this isn't any of your business I don't have a problem, you're the ones with problems Why're you talking rock-bottom? Look I got it, everything is awesome Why don't you go home, just leave me alone I mean, come on we could've handled all of this on the phone I don't need you or your pity or your condescension Wish you'd go away and take your silly little intervention with ya JESSE D: Hey Schaffer, I've missed you No one knows us better than each other Since the days that we were growing up together Like brothers in Nova Scotia STD: Huh? JESSE D: I blame myself for losing touch, you tell yourself When someone is hurting that you can only do so much But you've suffered enough STD: True JESSE D: It's scarcely feels fair Growing up Jewish STD: What? JESSE D: Queer STD: No! JESSE D: Black STD: No! JESSE D: and in a wheelchair STD: The Hell?! JESSE D: Damn it, Max STD: It's Mark! JESSE D: I can't do this, I want out. You're not the man I knew STD: What the hell, Jesse? JESSE D: I'm literally in the wrong house, I'm sorry FRONT: Schaffer, ain't your life a shitty mess? STD: No FRONT: Does a deep unhappiness permeate it all? STD: No FRONT: Is this even debatable? STD: Yes FRONT: Do you intend to take a fall or what? We'd like some answers, but Can't seem to pry your dick out of assorted strippers and burlesque dancers STD: Dude! FRONT: Long enough to get your attention, which is ridiculous since you snort ADD drugs all day STD: Come on! FRONT: Plus injections of that hot spoon-cooked "takin' it easy" Finish your record already, mortality's only increasing STD: I don't wanna hear it, I don't wanna hear it I just wanna disappear, now listen here this isn't any of your business I don't have a problem, you're the one's with problems Why're you talking rock-bottom? Look I got it, everything is awesome Why don't you go home? Just leave me alone I mean, come on we could've handled this on the phone I don't need you or your pity or your condescension Wish you'd go away and take your silly little intervention with ya LUGO: Hey Schaffer, it's your pal Lugo and you know... STD: Stop! Lugo, what are you doing? LUGO: I'm...intervening! STD: Yeah, but you're not a rapper LUGO: Well, I mean that may be, but that doesn't change the fact that you DESPERATELY need to get your shit together STD: Duly noted YTC: Hey Schaffer, you know that I'd be the last to correct A fellow scientist at work but I can see you're depressed You got that Darklord look in your eyes, of sunken sockets, you got pockets Full of every substance, you've been up for two dozen days STD: Not true YTC: Screaming like Billy Mays Pulling insider trades The city that never sleeps needs a break from your antics So here's some Fiji and a Chantix Enough of that sycophantic shit, I'm tired of enabling you, cuz I care COOLZEY: Hey Mark STD: Z? COOLZEY: Lately when I come through you've been way dark It seems your stage persona may be smothering your bright spark Since I've known you, you've been such a great friend to me But last time I visited you in NYC I sensed the entropy Plus your hedonistic tendencies are double O-C and your OCD has become amplified from popping Addies Look, me and the guys just think you need to take a deep breath I love you, but I'm worried. Do you think that you can cheat death? (Death, death, death, death, death, you suck now, only so long before you fall, you're not the man I knew, finish your record already, you desperately need to get your shit together, I'm tired of enabling you, you suck now, only so long before you fall, you're not the man I knew, finish your record already) STD: ENOUGH! I get it, alright? I heard what you had to say, and you know what? You're right I am a mess. I have fallen apart I can not stress how much I needed this jump start I never could admit it, I never wanted to face it But I see I've got to quit this shit, I've gotta make some changes Through your speeches, I have seen that I am reaching my worst yet So today, it's time I take the first step I know I need to hear it, know I need to hear it Know I need to quit this shit, my grip is slipping Know it's killing off my spirit Yeah, I've got a problem, I've a bunch of problems I've been slowly growing rotten, in denial, all is far from awesome Tonight I've been shown, I'm not so alone And I know I will survive when I face the unknown I know that I was so defensive, though you had the best intentions I will get some help, I love you, thank you for this intervention