My Greatest Fear Is Splendid

[Verse 1: Max Bemis] My greatest fear is a splendid thing It's an image of a middle-aged me with an earring Playing shows to an empty bar While the bottle waits grinning by the shadow of a pop star My girlfriend is a stripper named Steve Lost Sherri though I begged, "Don't leave" And she left for Italy with Johnny Depp He swooped in quick on his jet when she left And oh God, I'm smoking whatever they put in front of me Three hundred pounds with a swollen frown Mumbling verses, just swimming through the ground [Chorus] I invite you to dethrone me, you've all had enough of me Had enough of me, had enough of me Your eyes do a 180, you will turn away from me Put your spear in me, put the fear in me [Verse 2: Max Bemis] Old magazine by the Bemis toilet Strategically placed for those who don't know yet That I thought I'd be the next Billie Joe But my attempt to emulate him was thwarted by my ego The Twins are long gone, Parker ain't rung yet Adam driven back to the arms of a Beckett I'm a piss poor father so Lucy don't call My baby don't call; she never calls at all Oh gosh, I'm drinking like every man in my bloodline Chris found me in a puddle of brine I said, "Don't worry, Conley. Swear I'm fine." [Chorus] [Bridge: Keith Buckley] They say good things only happen to good people Well, I guess that's why I worry It's only a fear. It's only a premonition, dear Slowing down, I'm in no hurry [Max Bemis] "Bemis, dude, you smell like curry!" [Chorus] [Outro: Max Bemis] Now I see you've had enough of me Enough of me, enough of me