Valentine’s Song

[Intro: Kate McKinnon, Aidy Bryant, Halsey & All] Mmm, February 14th The hottest Thursday of the year It's a whole day about sex, romance, and sexy romance So Happy Valentine's Day [Verse 1: Aidy Bryant] It's 8 PM on Valentine's Day My man got me flowers, got me lingerie The doorbell rings and I'm like, "What? More?" He shrugs at me and I run to get the door It's a card that says "You're my significant otter" Oh no, no, "To my beautiful daughter?" A romantic card from mom, okay, wow 'Cause damn, damn, damn That's not where I'm at right now [Chorus: All] I don't wanna think of you, it's a day for romance I don't wanna think of you when I'm gettin' in the pants We're about to pound, my man's on the bed And I'm grindin' with him, but now you're in my head I'm bumpin', I'm bangin', I'm bonin', I'm 'bout to bust through So I don't wanna think of you [Post-Chorus: Kenan Thompson] Stand down, stand down And now she's FaceTiming you Stand down, stand down, oh [Verse 2: Halsey] I'm at my desk and I'm sextin' my boo Tellin' him the freaky-deaky stuff we're gonna do He sends a pic of his full-throttle wein' I hear a knockin', it's my female boss, Colleen This is bad, I'm horny in my chair Gotta shift gears because she's handing me a big, pink bear And we're not close, Colleen, do less A quick side hug, then home to make a mess [Chorus: All] I don't wanna think of you, you're a very loose acquaintance I don't wanna think of you when you're down there doin' maintenance Give a huge bad gift, well, that's your call But tell me, when did this day become a free-for-all? Your card said "I love you," and again, Colleen, you are my boss So I don't wanna think of you [Post-Chorus: Kenan Thompson] Stand down, stand down Colleen, you handle the checks Stand down, stand down [Bridge: Kate McKinnon] I don't wanna think of the card that my son bought me Keep in mind when you hear this that he can't really read It said "Baby, I can't wait for tonight" I know that sex is what made him, but it's just not right [Break: Kate McKinnon, Son & Halsey] Honey, what do you think will happen tonight? We eat cake, mama Cake, mama [Chorus: All & Aidy Bryant] I don't wanna think of you, I just wanna curl my toes When my dentist gave me a single rose (A single rose) Sexy days meant for me and my lover Why did I get this lotion from my brother? (Don't do that, Michael) So thanks for the cards and the candies 'Cause I love you, too (I love you) But I don't wanna think of you [Outro: Kenan Thompson] Valentine's Day is for lovers They don't wanna hear from you That's what birthdays are for