Survivor’s Guilt

[Intro: Jorja Smith] Fall too far to be wise and I know that I try but I- Fall too far to be wise and I know that I try but I- Fall too far to be wise and I know that I try but I- Fall too far to be wise and I know that I try but I Look [Verse] Look, let me show you behind the scene Behind the glitz and the glamour and all the lights you see Behind the rumours on the life I lead Let me talk to the people like it's the mic in me The truth is I got really bad anxiety I'm on the motorway, cryin' in the driver's seat I don't even know where I'm goin' I got love, but I don't know how to show it, is this life? When you feel like givin' up, know you're close I been sayin' the least and knowin' the most I've had ups and downs, but the highest of the highs Never last for as long as the lowest of lows Survivor's guilt I feel the worst at my happiest 'Cause I miss all my niggas that couldn't be in this life I built But that's the type of shit that only I can feel Gettin' me in the mood My ex has got ivory skin Which is funny 'cause it's really the elephant in the room Is that enough reason to bury me in a tomb? I fell in love with an Albanian, I know it's mad We're not together, 'cause her family would hold us back I saw the red flags, I wouldn't want my child to grow in that Rum and Red Bull, it's a culture clash (Fuckin' hell) I don't wanna let life tear us apart I see the Internet gossip and it wears on my heart I fuck with her, she was there from the start I'm seein' them laugh at me, cah I'm vulnerable Ain't that the shit that rappers' supposed to do? I'd rather rap about arguin' with my girl than fuckin' your girl But I don't mind, because the both are true Ignorin' my messages, these times I know she on her— Worst part is I wouldn't even do the same Hate it or love it, you gotta charge it to the game (Gotta charge it to the) Heavy is the head, but don't play with my heart I feel like a footballer when I'm makin' my art Through ball, how I'm managin' the weight of the past I felt so much pain that I got favorite scars And my house got wings like my favorite cars And the milly rock my favorite dance You can call it what you want it, but I got it off of takin' a chance I didn't take an advance Fame comes with a price, you can't pay in advance For six long years, I've been playin' my part Like a freak in a circus when they're makin' them dance I got nights where it's light and I got days where it's dark And the waters that I swim in, it ain't safe for the sharks He a gangster, but the stress gonna take him apart I'm with the niggas that I claimed from the start I see you niggas changin', they didn't make it It's a shame it takes fallin' to your death For a person to appreciate fully the gravity of the situation But that's just irony at its finest Black women, I just wanna say I'm sorry I done a lot of dumb shit, I won't lie to you I wanna be a voice for you, be a light for you I know I haven't done enough, I wanna try for you Wanna be on the frontline for you Campaign for you, make change for you I just wanna help in any way Bein' genuine, I think about it every day Tour life, travellin' every day Nerves paralysing when you get to stage You feel love for an hour, and then it gets to fade Imagine what that does to your mental state Imagine bein' a millionaire at a tender age You don't even know whether to spend or save My mum had to grow up fast, she expects the same I was twenty with a mortgage and rent to pay So what's happenin'? I got guerillas all around me, allow me Don't get grabbed in a party or lackin' You'll die for a whine like Joffrey Baratheon Pattern 'em The government ain't gonna help with all the issues that I'm tacklin' The way you talk about politics is bafflin' I wouldn't even trust my own shadow in a cabinet Cabbin’ it can't drive no more I been lookin' for the answers, sure that I'll find 'em I don't judge an accent but the story behind it We all know loss, but there's glory behind it I'ma make a film for my mom And tell her, "Tell to the world this album is just the soundtrack" Look at her story in a year in her life And tell me if it doesn't bring a fuckin' tear to your eyes In this together [Outro: Jorja Smith] I don't wanna try, wishin' wouldn't have, but take it over I done hold them at your eyes So knowin' that it was for everyone I know you love fast and I know you want the same Head in the clouds, my heads spinnin' up Let the other try I don't wanna try, wishin' wouldn't have, but take it over I done hold them at your eyes So knowin' that it was for everyone [Outro: Daniel Kaluuya] What I realised What I realised 'bout who I am Is that, you're kinda taught You're taught to die for what you stand for, you feel me? But I realise I'm here to live for what I stand for 'Cause I wanna see it, bro, I wanna enjoy it, bro I wanna see what I feel, like I am, you know what I'm sayin'? Out there, while I'm here, and that's that, bro But, yeah, link up my guy, you know how it is