Nightmares

This the only therapy I really got the time for, Designing these rhymes as I write in a psych ward Sick of fuckin' skitzing out, Valium won’t sit me down; sick of feeling guilty never ever meant to put you down It wasn't me, you seen my personality, it’s splitting up, Baby I’m not crazy, I’m ashamed of all the shit I’ve done And I ain’t giving up in life, watch me scribble up a rhyme I try and fight it, but I hide it all inside See what’s happening in my mind, I’m in rehab cause of Ice, and I’m feeling like I’m dreaming I don’t need another high Today I seen my mother cry, I don’t need another lie, my brother come to visit, I couldn’t look at him in the fuckin’ eyes I had to struggle while I suffer with these nightmares, I never told you anything, I’m knowing that you guys care Sarah standin’ there and man I’m happy that she never left, she knows I got potential but she’s seeing that I’m just a mess Whatta wreck, I need to get this off my chest to a pack of panadeine forte lucky that I cheated death Wish I could take it back, all that fuckin crazy crap wish I never carried on, What I gonna say to dad . All I have to do is sit him down and he’ll start to listen, but i'm scared to tell him cause his got a heart condition This is far from rich and right now i'm locked, in a mental home and they're feeding me a lot of drugs This is hard to admit, cause i'm plastered, but my target is to be a better man no more startin’ shit No more sparkin spliffs, no more fuckin harder shit, no more being violent, overcome it like my father did The violent episodes im havin’ man, im not that guy, Scott, Sarah, Troy, Dad, Mum I apologize And that is not a lie never did I comprise, dad I see the mirror and its tellin’ me I’ve got your eyes I really wanna try, didn’t really wanna die, didn't wanna end it all, but the thought it crossed my mind Safer if im locked inside, don’t throw away the key, give me a couple months to try and wait and see Don’t need to prove myself, ratesy never lost a fight, how would you feel if I woke up and I lost my life Hate it how I feel inside, hate it how I’m really nice, hate it how I changed into this person that can’t deal with life Hate it how I dream about the shit that happened year ago, hate it how you’re scared to talk to me, you shouldn’t fear me no I know I carry on a lot, smashin’ walls, then I drop , another pill im gonna pop, when this ever gonna stop? Brother can you help me out, never have you let me down, never have you turned your back, appreciate it, let it out This fuckin’ clinic has me spinnin out, im tripping out, all these meds I gotta take I really wanna spit em out Sarah yeah I love you girl, doin it for mum as well, all the drugs I’ve taken to escape are gonna fuck my health Numbin’ me with drugs it isn’t helpin, man I need to talk, I see the blood, I hear the screams, its dreamin’ but I see it all I wanna change my life, im dangerous and crazy inside, lately I hate it, contemplating “should I take my life” People have it worse than me I know it, but it hurts to see me turn into this person that its hurtful when I wake from dreams I wake up in a cold sweat, Sarah’s there to hold my hand. Told her things I didn’t mean, it’s tearin out my whole chest I’m kind of scared, cause they’re tellin me I’m fucked up, its fuckin bullshit, meet my family it’s just us My dads sick, it’s stressin me, these dreams get the best of me, they give me downers In an hour get my therapy Whats it to my fans, would they ever understand that im doin this and hiding out to be a better man Did they ever really care, yeah I got my family there, and im lucky that im knowing that I’ll be here til the end I need to seek and find just a little piece of life, you need to fill your fuckin puzzle, mother fucker have a piece of mine Say that im intimidating , charge me with intimidation, drop the charges mother fuckers, getting’ help, im sick of waitin’ I wrote this track to speak my mind, to say im not real, place the blame on drug abuse and say it’s cause I pop pills Say that I am fakin’ it, you put up with these hot chills, once you’ve gone and done that, you tell me how you gonna feel Another dream tonight, speak the demons eye, need to find a happy medium and yeah I needa cry I admit that im sittin here drippin tears, as I disappear, another pipe to see crystal clear After this I can certainly say that I am tough, if you don’t agree than you can go and get fucked!