True Romance - Screenplay

True Romance Screenplay by Quentin Tarantino When you are tired of relationships, try a romance. INT. BAR √ NIGHT A smoky cocktail bar downtown Detroit. CLARENCE WORLEY, a young hipster hepcat, is trying to pick up an older lady named LUCY. She isn't bothered by him, in fact, she's alittle charmed. But, you can tell, that she isn't going to leave her barstool. CLARENCE In "Jailhouse Rock" he's everything rockabilly's about. I mean he is rockabilly: mean, surly, nasty, rude. In that movie he couldn't give a fuck about anything except rockin' and rollin', livin' fast, dyin' young, and leaving a good-looking corpse. I love that scene where after he's made it big he's throwing a big cocktail party, and all these highbrows are there, and he's singing, "Baby You're So Square... Baby, I Don't Care". Now, they got him dressed like a dick. He's wearing these stupid-lookin' pants, this horrible sweater. Elvis ain't no sweater boy. I even think they got him wearin' penny loafers. Despite all that shit, all the highbrows at the party, big house, the stupid clothes, he's still a rude-lookin' motherfucker. I'd watch that hillbilly and I'd want to be him so bad. Elvis looked good. I'm no fag, but Elvis was good-lookin'. He was fuckin' prettier than most women. I always said if I ever had to fuck a guy... I mean had too cause my life depended on it... I'd fuck Elvis. Lucy takes a drag from her cigarette. LUCY I'd fuck Elvis. CLARENCE Really? LUCY When he was alive. I wouldn't fuck him now. CLARENCE I don't blame you. (they laugh) So we'd both fuck Elvis. It's nice to meet people with common interests, isn't it? Lucy laughs. CLARENCE Well, enough about the King, how 'bout you? LUCY How 'bout me what? CLARENCE How 'bout you go to the movies with me tonight? LUCY What are we gonna see? CLARENCE A Donny Chiba triple feature. "The Streetfighter", "Return of the Streetfighter", and "Sister Streetfighter". LUCY Who's Sonny Chiba? CLARENCE He is, bar none, the greatest actor working in martial arts movies ever. LUCY (not believing this) You wanna take me to a kung fu movie? CLARENCE (holding up three fingers) Three kung fu movies. Lucy takes a drag from her cigarette. LUCY (laughing) I don't think so, not my cup of tea. INT. DINGY HOTEL ROOM √ DAY The sounds of the city flow in through an open window: car horns, gun shots and violence. Paint is peeling off the walls and the once green carpet is stained black. On the bed nearby is a huge open suitcase filled with clear plastic bags of cocaine. Shotguns and pistols have been dropped carelessly around the suitcase. On the far end of the room, against the wall, is a TV. "Bewitched" is playing. At the opposite end of the room, by the front, is a table. DREXL SPIVEY and FLOYD DIXON sit around. Cocaine is on the table as well as little plastic bags and a weigher. Floyd is black, Drexl is a white boy, though you wouldn't know it listen to him. DREXL Nigger, get outta my face with that bullshit. FLOYD Naw man, I don't be eatin' that shit. DREXL That's bullshit. BIG DON WATTS, a stout, mean-looking black man who's older than Drexl and Floyd. Walks through the door carrying hamburgers and french fries in two greasy brown-paper bags. FLOYD Naw man, that's some serious shit. DREXL Nigger, you lie like a big dog. BIG D What the fuck are you talkin' about? DREXL Floyd say he don't be eatin' pussy. BIG D Shit, any nigger say he don't eat pussy is lyin' his ass off. DREXL I heard that. FLOYD Hold on a second, Big D. You sayin' you eat pussy? BIG D Nigger, I eat everything. I eat pussy. I eat the butt. I eat every motherfuckin' thang. DREXL Preach on, Big D. FLOYD Look here. If I ever did eat some pussy √ I would never eat any pussy √ but, if I did eat some pussy, I sure as hell wouldn't tell no goddamn body. I'd be ashamed as a motherfucker. BIG D Shit! Nigger you smoke enough sherm your dumb ass'll do a lot a crazy ass things. So you won't eat pussy? Motherfucker, you be up there suckin' niggers' dicks. DREXL Heard that. Drexl and Big D bump fists. FLOYD Yeah, that's right, laugh. It's so funny, oh it's so funny. (he takes a hit off of a joint) There used to be a time when sisters didn't know shit about gettin' their pussy licked. Then the sixties came an' they started fuckin' around with white boys. And white boys are freaks for that shit √ DREXL √ Because it's good! FLOYD Then, after a while sisters use to gettin' their little pussy eat. And because you white boys had to make pigs out of yourselves, you fucked it up for every nigger in the world everywhere. BIG D Drexl. On behalf of me and all the brothers who aren't here, I'd like to express our gratitude √ Drexl and Big D bust up. FLOYD Go on pussy-eaters... laugh. You look like you be eatin' pussy. You got pussy-eatin' mugs. Now if a nigger wants to get his dick sucked he's got to do a bunch of fucked-up shit. BIG D So you do eat pussy! FLOYD Naw naw! BIG D You don't like it, but you eat that shit. (to Drexl) He eats it. DREXL Damn skippy. He like it, too. BIG D (mock English accent) Me thinketh he doth protest too much. FLOYD Well fuck you guys then! You guys are fucked up! DREXL Why you trippin'? We jus' fuckin' with ya. But I wanna ask you a question. You with some fine bitch, I mean a brick shithouse bitch √ you're with Jayne Kennedy. You're with Jayne Kennedy and you say "Bitch, suck my dick!" and then Jayne Kennedy says, "First things first, nigger, I ain't suckin' shit till you bring your ass over here and lick my bush!" Now, what do you say? FLOYD I tell Jayne Kennedy, "Suck my dick or I'll beat your ass!" BIG D Nigger, get real. You touch Jayne Kennedy she'll have you ass in Wayne County so fast √ DREXL Nigger, back off, you ain't beatin' shit. Now what would you do. FLOYD I'd say fuck it! Drexl and Big D get up from the table disgusted and walk away, leaving Floyd sitting all alone. Big D sits on the bed, his back turned to Floyd, watching "Bewitched". FLOYD (yelling after them) Ain't no man have to eat pussy! BIG D (not even looking) Take that shit somewhere else. DRXL (marching back) You tell Jayne Kennedy to fuck it? FLOYD If it came down to who eats who, damn skippy. DREXL With that terrible mug of yours if Jayne Kennedy told you to eat her pussy, kiss her ass, lick her feet, chow on her shit, and suck her dog's dick, nigger, you'd aim to please. BIG D (glued on TV) I'm hip. DREXL In fact, I'm gonna show you what I mean with a little demonstration. Big D, toss me that shotgun. Without turning away from "Bewitched" he picks up the shotgun and tosses it to Drexl. DREXL (to Floyd) All right, check this out. (referring to shotgun) Now, pretend this is Jayne Kennedy. And you're you. Then, in a blink, he points the shotgun at Floyd and blows him away. Big D leaps off the bed and spins toward Drexl. Drexl, waiting for him, fires from across the room. The blast hits the big man in the right arm and shoulder, spinning him around. Drexl makes a beeline for his victim and fires again. Big D is hit with a blast, full in the back. He slams into the wall and drops. Drexl collects the suitcase full of cocaine and leaves. As he gets to the front door he surveys the carnage, spits and walks out. EXT. CLIFF'S MOVING CAR √ MORNING A big white Chevy Nova is driving down the road with a sunrise sky as a backdrop. The song "Little Bitty Tear" is heard a capella. INT. CLIFF'S MOVING CAR √ MORNING CLIFF WORLEY is driving his car home from work, singing this song gently to the sunrise. He's a forty-five-years-old ex-cop, at present a security guard. In between singing he takes sips from a cup of take-out coffee. He's dressed in a security guard uniform. EXT. TRAILER PARK √ MORNING Cliff's Nova pulls in as he continues crooning. He pulls up to his trailer to see something that stops him short. CLIFF'S POV THROUGH WINDSHIELD Clarence and a nice-looking YOUNG WOMAN are watching for him in front of his trailer. CLOSEUP √ CLIFF Upon seeing Clarence, a little bitty tear rolls down Cliff's cheek. BACK TO: CLIFF'S POV Clarence and the Young Woman walk over to the car. Clarence sticks his face through the driver's side window. CLARENCE Good Morning, Daddy. Long time no see. INT. TRAILER HOME √ MORNING All three enter the trailer home. CLIFF Excuse the place, I haven't been entertaining company as of late. Sorry if I'm acting a little dense, but you're the last person in the world I expected to see this morning. Clarence and the Young Girl walk into the living room. CLARENCE Yeah, well, tha's OK, Daddy, I tend to have that effect on people. I'm dyin' on thirst, you got anything to drink? He moves past Cliff and heads straight for his refridgerator. CLIFF I think there's a Seven-Up in there. CLARENCE (rumaging around the fridge) Anything stronger? (pause) Oh, probably not. Beer? You can drink beer, can't you? CLIFF I can, but I don't. CLARENCE (closing the fridge) That's about all I ever eat. Cliff looks at the Girl. She smiles sweetly at him. CLIFF (to Girl) I'm sorry... I'm his father. YOUNG GIRL (sticking her hand out) That's OK, I'm his wife. (shaking his hand vigorously) Alabama Worley, pleased to meetcha. She is really pumping his arm, just like a used-car salesman. However, that's where the similarities end; Alabama's totally sincere. Clarence steps back into the living room, holding a bunch of little ceramic fruit magnets in his hand. He throws his other arm around Alabama. CLARENCE Oh yeah, we got married. (referring to the magnets) You still have these. (to Alabama) This isn't a complete set; when I was five I swallowed the pomegranate one. I never shit it out, so I guess it's still there. Loverdoll, why don't you be a sport and go get us some beer. I want some beer. (to Cliff) Do you want some beer? Well, if you want some it's here. He hands her some money and his car keys. CLARENCE Go to the liquor store √ (to Cliff) Where is there a liquor store around here? CLIFF Uh, yeah... there's a party store down 54th. CLARENCE (to Alabama) Get a six-pack of something imported. It's hard to tell you what to get cause different places have different things. If they got Fosters, get that, if not, ask the guy at the thing what the strongest imported beer he has. Look, since you're making a beer run, would you mind too terribly if you did a foot run as well. I'm fuckin' starvin' to death. Are you hungry too? ALABAMA I'm pretty hungry. When I went to the store I was gonna get some Ding- Dongs. CLARENCE Well, fuck that shit, we'll get some real food. What would taste good. (to Cliff) What do you think would taste good? CLIFF I'm really not very √ CLARENCE You know what would taste good? Chicken. I haven't had chicken in a while. Chicken would really hit the spot about now. Chicken and beer, definitly, absolutely, without a doubt. (to Cliff) Where's a good chicken place around here? CLIFF I really don't know. CLARENCE You don't know the chicken places around where you live? (to Alabama) Ask the guy at the place where a chicken place is. He gives her some more money. CLARENCE This should cover it, Auggie-Doggie. ALABAMA Okee-dokee, Doggie-Daddy. She opens the door and starts out. Clarence turns to his dad as the door shuts. CLARENCE Isn't she the sweetest goddamned girl you ever saw in your whole life? Is she a four alarm fire, or what? CLIFF She seems very nice. CLARENCE Daddy. Nice isn't the word. Nice is an insult. She's a peach. That's the only word for it, she's a peach. She even tastes like a peach. You can tell I'm in love with her. You can tell by my face, can't ya? It's a dead giveaway. It's written all over it. Ya know what? She loves me back. Take a seat, Pop, we gotta talk √ CLIFF Clarence, just shut up, you're giving me a headache! I can't believe how much like your mother you are. You're your fuckin' mother through and through. I haven't heard from ya in three years. Then ya show up all of a sudden at eight o'clock in the morning. You walk in like a goddamn bulldozer... don't get me wrong, I'm happy to see you... just slow it down. Now, when did you get married? CLARENCE Daddy, I'm in big fuckin' trouble and I really need your help. BLACK TITLE CARD: "HOLLYWOOD" INT. OUTSIDE OF CASTING DIRECTOR'S OFFICER √ DAY FOUR YOUNG ACTORS are sitting on a couch with sheets of paper in their hands silently mouthing lines. One of the actors is DICK RITCHIE. The casting director, MARY LOUISE RAVENCROFT, steps into the waiting room, clip board in hand. RAVENCROFT Dick Ritchie? Dick pops up from the pack. DICK I'm me... I mean, that's me. RAVENCROFT Step inside. INT. CASTING DIRECTOR'S OFFICE √ DAY She sits behind a large desk. Her name-plate rests on the desktop. Several posters advertising "The Return of T.J. Hooker" hang on the wall. Dick sits in a chair, holding his sheets in his hands. RAVENCROFT Well, the part you're reading for is one of the bad guys. There's Brian and Marty. Peter Breck's already been cast as Brian. And you're reading for the part of Marty. Now in this scene you're both in a car and Bill Shatner's hanging on the hood. And what you're trying to do is get him off. (she picks a up a copy of the script) Whenever you're ready. DICK (reading and miming driving) Where'd you come from? RAVENCROFT (reading from the script lifelessly) I don't know. He just appeared as magic. DICK (reading from script) Well, don't just sit there, shoot him. She puts her script down, and smiles at him. RAVENCROFT That was very good. DICK Thank you. RAVENCROFT If we decided on making him a New York type, could you do that? DICK Sure. No problem. RAVENCROFT Could we try it now? DICK Absolutely. Dick picks up the script and begins, but this time with a Brooklyn accent. DICK Where'd he come from? RAVENCROFT (monotone, as before) I don't know. He just appeared as magic. DICK Well, don't just sit there, shoot him. Ravencroft puts her script down. RAVENCROFT Well, Mr. Ritchie, I'm impressed. You're a very fine actor. Dick smiles. INT. TRAILER HOME √ DAY Cliff's completely aghast. He just stares, unable to come to grips with what Clarence has told him. CLARENCE Look, I don't know this is pretty heavy-duty, so if you wanna explode, feel free. CLIFF You're always making jokes. That's what you do, isn't it? Make jokes. Making jokes is the one thing you're good at, isn't it? But if you make a joke about this √ (raising his voice) √ I'm gonna go completely out of my fuckin' head! Cliff pauses and collects himself. CLIFF What do you want from me? CLARENCE What? CLIFF Stop acting like an infant. You're here because you want me to help you in some way. What do you need from me? You need money? CLARENCE Do you still have friends on the force? CLIFF Yes, I still have friends on the force. CLARENCE Could you find out if they know anythin'? I don't know they know shit about us. But I don't wanna think, I wanna know. You could find out for sure what's goin' on. (pause) Daddy? CLIFF What makes you think I could do that? CLARENCE You were a cop. CLIFF What makes you think I would do that? CLARENCE I'm your son. CLIFF You got it all worked out, don't you? CLARENCE Look, goddamnit, I never asked you for a goddamn thing! I've tried to make your parental obligation as easy as possible. After Mom divorced you, did I ask you for anything? When I wouldn't see ya for six months to a year at a time, did you ever get your shit about it? No, it was always "OK", "No problem", "You're a busy guy, I understand". The whole time you were a drunk, did I ever point my finger at you and talk shit? No! Everybody else did. I never did. You see, I know that you're just a bad parent. You're not really very good at it. But I know you love me. I'm basically a pretty resourceful guy. If I didn't really need it I wouldn't ask. And if you say no, don't worry about it. I'm gone. No problems. Alabama walks in through the door carrying a shopping bag. ALABAMA The forager's back. CLARENCE Thank God. I could eat a horse if you slap enough catsup on it. ALABAMA I didn't get any chicken. CLARENCE How come? ALABAMA It's nine o'clock in the morning. Nothing's open. INT. TRAILER HOME √ BEDROOM √ DAY Cliff's on the telephone in his bedroom, pacing as he talks. The living room od the trailer can be seen from his doorway, where Clarence and Alabama are horsing around. They giggle and cut up throughout the scene. As Cliff talks, all the noise and hubbub of a police station comes through over the line. He's talking to DETECTIVE WILSON, an old friend of his from the force. We see both inside the conversation. CLIFF It's about that pimp that was shot a couple of days ago, Drexl Spivey. WILSON What about him? CLIFF Well, Ted, to tell you the truth, I found out through the grapevine that it might be, and I only said might be, the Drexl Spivey that was responsible for that restaurant break-in on Riverdale. WILSON Are you still working security for Foster & Langley? CLIFF Yeah, and the restaurant's on my route. And you know, I stuck my nose in for the company to try to put a stop to some of these break-ins. Now, while I have no proof, the name Drexl Spivey kept comin' up Who's case is it? WILSON McTeague. CLIFF I don't know him. Is he a nice guy? You think he'll help me out? WILSON I don't see why not. When you gonna come round and see my new place? CLIFF You and Robin moved? WILSON Shit, are you behind. Me and Robin got a divorce six months ago. Got myself a new place √ mirrors all over the bedroom, ceiling fans above the bed. Guy'd have to look as ugly as King Kong not to get laid in this place. I'm serious, a guy'd have to look like a gorilla. CUT TO: EXT. TRAILER HOME √ DAY Clarence and Cliff stand by Clarence's 1965 red Mustang. Alabama's amusing herself by doing cartwheels and handstands in the background. CLIFF They have nothing. In fact, they think it's drug related. CLARENCE Do tell. Why drug related? CLIFF Apparently, Drexl had a big toe stuck in shit like that. CLARENCE No shit? CLIFF Yeah. Drexl had an association with a fella named Blue Lou Boyle. Name mean anything to you? CLARENCE Nope. CLIFF If you don't hang around in this circle, no reason it should. CLARENCE Who is he? CLIFF Gangster. Drug Dealer. Somebody you don't want on your ass. Look, Clarence, the more I hear about this Drexl fucker, the more I think you did the right thing. That guy wasn't just some wild flake. CLARENCE That's what I've been tellin' ya. The guy was like a mad dog. So the cops aren't looking for me? CLIFF Naw, until they hear something better they'll assume Drexl and Blue Lou had a falling out. So, once you leave twon, I wouldn't worry about it. Clarence sticks his hand out to shake. Cliff takes it. CLARENCE Thanks a lot, Daddy. You really came through for me. CLIFF I got some money I can give you √ CLARENCE Keep it. CLIFF Well, son, I want you to know I hope everything works out with you and Alabama. I like her. I think you make a cute couple. CLARENCE We do make a cute couple, don't we? CLIFF Yeah, well, just stay outta trouble. Remeber, you got a wife to think about. Quit fuckin' around. (pause) I love you son. They hug each other, Clarence takes a pice of paper out and puts it into Cliff's hand. CLARENCE This is Dick's number in Hollywood. We don't know where we'll be, but you can get a hold of me through him. Clarence turns toward Alabama and yells to her. CLARENCE Bama, we're outta here. Kiss Pops goodbye, Alabama runs across from where she was and throws her arms around Cliff and gives him a big smackeroo on the lips. Cliff's a little startled. Alabama's bubbling like a Fresca. ALABAMA Bye, Daddy! Hope to see you again real soon. CLARENCE (mock anger) What kind of daughterly smackeroo was that? ALABAMA Oh, hush up. The two get into the Mustang. CLARENCE (to Cliff) We'll send you a postcard as soon as we get to Hollywood. Clarence starts the engine. The convertible roof opens as they talk. CLIFF Bama, you take care of that one for me. Keep him out of trouble. ALABAMA Don't worry, Daddy, I'm keepin' this fella on a short leash. Clarence, slowly, starts driving away. CLARENCE (to Cliff) As the sun sets slowly in the west we bid a fond farewell to all the friends we've made... and, with a touch of melancholy, we look forward to the time when we will all be together again. Clarence peels out, shooting a shower of gravel up in the air. As the Mustang disappears Cliff runs his tongue over his lips. CLIFF The-son-of-a-bitch was right... she does taste like a peach. INT. DICK'S APARTMENT √ DAY Dick's apartment is standard issue for a young actor. Things are pretty neat and clean. A nice stereo unit sits on the shelf. A framed picture of a ballet dancer's feet hangs on the wall. The phone rings, Dick answers. DICK Hi, Dick here. INT. HOTEL SUITE √ LAS VEGAS √ SUNSET Top floor, Las Vegas, Nevada hotel room with a huge picture window overlooking the neon-filled strip and the flaming red and orange sunset sky. Clarence paces up and down with the telephone in his hand. CLARENCE (big bopper voice) Heeeellllloooo baaaabbbbbyyyy!!! Note: We intercut both sides of the conversation. DICK (unsure) Clarence? CLARENCE You got it. DICK It's great to hear from you. CLARENCE Well, you're gonna be seein' me shortly. DICK You comin' to L.A.? When? CLARENCE Tomorrow. DICK What's up? Why're leavin' Detroit? Clarence sits down on the hotel room bed. Alabama, wearing only a long T- shirt with a big picture of Bullwinkle on it, crawls behind him. CLARENCE Well, there's a story behind all that. I'll tell you when I see you. By the way, I won't be alone. I'm bringing my wife with me. DICK Get the fuck outta here! CLARENCE I'm married man. DICK Get the fuck outta here! CLARENCE Believe it or not, I actually tricked a girl into falling in love with me. I'm not quite sure how I did it. I'd hate to have to do it again. But I did it. Wanna say hi to my better half? Before Dick can respond Clarence puts Alabama on the phone. ALABAMA Hi, Dick. I'm Alabama Worley. DICK Hello, Alabama. ALABAMA I can't wait to meet you. Clarence told me all about you. He said you were his best friend. So, I guess that makes you my best friend, too. Clarence start dictating to her what to say. CLARENCE Tell him we gotta go. ALABAMA Clarence says we gotta be hittin' it. DICK What? CLARENCE Tell him we'll be hittin' his area some time tomorrow. ALABAMA He said don't go nowhere. We'll be there some time tomorrow. DICK Wait a minute √ CLARENCE Tell him not to eat anything. We're gonna scarf when we get there. ALABAMA Don't eat anything. DICK Alabama, could you tell Clar √ CLARENCE Ask him if he got the letter. ALABAMA Did you get the letter? DICK What letter? ALABAMA (to Clarence) What letter? CLARENCE The letter I sent. ALABAMA (to Dick) The letter he sent. DICK Clarence sent a letter? CLARENCE Has he gotten his mail today? ALABAMA Gotten your mail yet? DICK Yeah, my room-mate leaves it on the TV. ALABAMA (to Clarence) Yes. CLARENCE Has he looked through it yet? ALABAMA (to Dick) Ya looked through it? DICK Not yet. ALABAMA (to Clarence) Nope. CLARENCE Tell him to look through it. ALABAMA (to Dick) Get it. DICK Let me speak to Clarence. ALABAMA (to Clarence) He wants to speak with you. CLARENCE No time. Gotta go. Just tell him to read the letter, the letter explains all. Tell him I love him. And tell him, as of tomorrow, all his money problems are over. ALABAMA (to Dick) He can't. We gotta go, but he wants you to read the letter. The letter explains it all. He wants you to know he loves you. And he wants you to know that as of tomorrow, all of your money problems are over. DICK Money problems? CLARENCE Now tell him goodbye. ALABAMA Bye-bye. CLARENCE Now hang up. She hangs up the phone. INT. DICK'S APARTMENT √ DAY Dick hears the click on the other end. DICK Hello, hello, Clarence? Clarence's wife?... I mean Alabama... hello? Extremely confused, Dick jangs up the phone. He goes over to the TV and picks up the day's mail. He goes through it. BILL: Southern California Gas Company. BILL: Group W. BILL: Fossenkemp Photography. BILL: Columbia Record and Tape Club. LETTER: It's obviously from Clarence. Addressed to Dick. Dick opens it. EXT. TRAILER √ DAY A lower-middle-class trailer park named Astro World, which has a neon sign in front of it in the shape of a planet. A big, white Chevy Nova pulls into the park. It parks by a trailer that's slightly less kept up than the others. Cliff gets out of the Chevy. He's drinking out of a fast-food soda cup as he opens the door to his trailer. INT. TRAILER √ DAY He steps inside the doorway and then, before he knows it, a gun is pressed to his temple and a big hand grabs his shoulder. GUN CARRIER (DARIO) Welcome home, alchy. We're havin' a party. Cliff is roughly shoved into his living room. Waiting for him are four men, standing: VIRGIL, FRANKIE (young Wise-guy) LENNY (an old Wise-guy), and TOOTH-PICK VIC (a fireplug pitbull type). Sitting in Cliff's recliner is VINCENZO COCCOTTI, the Frank Nitti to Detroid mob leader Blue Lou Boyle. Cliff is knocked to his knees. He looks up and sees the sitting Coccotti. Dario and Lenny pick him up and roughly drop him in a chair. COCCOTTI (to Frankie) Tell Tooth-pick Vic to go outside and do you-know-what. In Italian Frankie tells Tooth-pick Vic what Coccotti said. He nods and exits. Cliff's chair is moved closer to Coccotti's. Dario stands on one side of Cliff. Frankie and Lenny ransack the trailer. Virgil has a bottle of Chivas Regal in his hand, but he has yet to touch a drop. COCCOTTI Do you know who I am, Mr. Worley? CLIFF I give up. Who are you? COCCOTTI I'm the Anti-Christ. You get me in a vendetta kind of mood, you will tell the angels in heaven that you had never seen pure evil so singularly personified as you did in the face of the man who killed you. My name is Vincenzo Coccotti. I work as a counsel for Mr. Blue Lou Boyle, the man your son stole from. I hear you were once a cop so I assume you've heard of us before. Am I correct? CLIFF I've heard of Blue Lou Boyle. COCCOTTI I'm glad. Hopefully that will clear up the how-full-of-shit-I-am question you've been asking yourself. Now, we're gonna have a little Q and A, and, at the risk of sounding redundant, please make your answers genuine. (taking out a pack of Chesterfields) Want a Chesterfield? CLIFF No. COCCOTTI (as he lights up) I have a son of my own. About you boy's age. I can imagine how painful this must be for you. But Clarence and that bitch-whore girlfriend of his brought this all on themselves. And I implore you not to go down the road with 'em. You can always take comfort in the fact that you never had a choice. CLIFF Look, I'd help ya if I could, but I haven't seen Clarence √ Before Cliff can finish his sentence, Coccotti slams him hard in the nose with his fist. COCCOTTI Smarts, don't it? Gettin' slammed in the nose fucks you all up. You got that pain shootin' through your brain. Your eyes fill up with water. It ain't any kind of fun. But what I have to offer you. That's as good as it's ever gonna get, and it won't ever get that good again. We talked to your neighbors. They saw a Mustang, a red Mustang, Clarence's red Mustang, parked in front of your trailer yesterday. Mr. Worley, have you seen your son? Cliff's defeated. CLIFF I've seen him. COCCOTTI Now I can't be sure of how much of what he told you. So in the chance you're in the dark about some of this, let me shed some light. That whore your boy hangs around with, her pimp is an associate of mine, and I don't just mean pimpin', in other affairs he works for me in a courier capacity. Well, apparently, that dirty little whore found out when we're gonna do some business, cause your son, the cowboy and his flame, came in the room blastin' and didn't stop till they were pretty sure everybody was dead. CLIFF What are you talkin' about? COCCOTTI I'm talkin' about a massacre. They snatched my narcotics and hightailed it outta there. Wouldda gotten away with it, but your son, fuckhead that he is, left his driver's license in a dead guy's hand. A whore hiding in the commode filled in all the blanks. CLIFF I don't believe you. COCCOTTI That's of minor importance. But what's of major fuckin' importance is that I believe you. Where did they go? CLIFF On their honeymoon. COCCOTTI I'm gettin' angry askin' the same question a second time. Where did they go? CLIFF They didn't tell me. Coccotti looks at him. CLIFF Now, wait a minute and listen. I haven't seen Clarence in three years. Yesterday he shows up here with a girl, sayin' he got married. He told me he needed some quick cash for a honeymoon, so he asked if he could borrow five hundred dollars. I wanted to help him out so I wrote out a check. We went to breakfast and that's the last I saw of him. So help me God. They never thought to tell me where they were goin'. And I never thought to ask. Coccotti looks at him for a long moment. He then gives Virgil a look. Virgil, quick as greased lightning, grabs Cliff's hand and turns it palm up. He then whips out a butterfly knife and slices Cliff's palm open and pours Chivas Regal on the wound. Cliff screams. Coccotti puffs on a Chesterfield. Tooth-pic Vic returns to the trailer, and reports in Italian that there's nothing in the car. Virgil walks into the kitchen and gets a dishtowel. Cliff holds his bleeding palm in agony. Virgil hands him the dishtowel. Cliff uses it to wrap up his hand. COCCOTTI Sicilians are great liars. The best in the world. I'm a Sicilian. And my old man was the world heavyweight champion of Sicilian liars. And from growin' up with him I learned the pantomime. Now there are seventeen different things a guy can do when he lies to give him away. A guy has seventeen pantomimes. A woman's got twenty, but a guy's got seventeen. And if you know 'em like ya know your own face, they beat lie detectors to hell. What we got here is a little game of show and tell. You don't wanna show me nothin'. But you're tellin' me everything. Now I know you know where they are. So tell me, before I do some damage you won't walk away from. The awful pain in Cliff's hand is being replaced by the awful pain in his heart. He looks deep into Coccotti's eyes. CLIFF Could I have one of those Chesterfields now? COCCOTTI Sure. Coccotti leans over and hands him a smoke. CLIFF Got a match? Cliff reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. CLIFF Oh, don't bother. I got one. (he lights the cigarette) So you're a Sicilian, huh? COCCOTTI (intensly) Uh-huh. CLIFF You know I read a lot. Especially things that have to do with history. I find that shit fascinating. In fact, I don't know if you know this or not, Sicilians were spawned by niggers. All the men stop what they were doing and look at Cliff, except for Tooth-pic Vic who doesn't speak English and so isn't insulted. Coccotti can't believe what he's hearing. COCCOTTI Come again? CLIFF It's a fact. Sicilians have nigger blood pumpin' through their hearts. If you don't believe me, look it up. You see, hundreds and hundreds of years ago the Moors conquered Sicily. And Moors are niggers. Way back then, Sicilians were like the wops in northern Italy. Blond hair, blue eyes. But, once the Moors moved in there, they changed the whole country. They did so much fuckin' with the Sicilian women, they changed the blood-line for ever, from blond hair and blue eyes to black hair and dark skin. I find it absolutely amazing to think that to this day, hundreds of years later, Sicilians still carry that nigger gene. I'm just quotin' history. It's a fact. It's written. Your ancestors were niggers. Your great, great, great, great, great- grandmother was fucked by a nigger, and had a half-nigger kid. That is a fact. Now tell me, am I lyin'? Coccotti looks at him for a moment then jumps up, whips out an automatic, grabs hold of Cliff's hair, puts the barrel to his temple, and pumps three bullets through Cliff's head. He pushes the body violently aside. Coccotti pauses. Unable to express his feelings and frustrated by the blood in his hands, he simply drops his weapon, and turns to his men. COCCOTTI I haven't killed anybody since 1974. Goddamn his soul to burn for eternity in fuckin' hell for makin' me spill blood on my hands! Go to this comedian's son's apartment and come back with somethin' that tells me where that asshole went so I can wipe this egg off of my face and fix this fucked-up family for good. Tooth-pick Vic taps Frankie's shoulder and, in Italianm asks him what that was all about. Lenny, who has been going through Cliff's refridgerator, has found a beer. When he closes the refridgerator door he finds a note held on by a ceramic banana magnet that says: "Clarence in L.A.: Dick Ritchie (number and address)". LENNY Boss, get ready to get happy. TITLE CARD: "CLARENCE AND ALABAMA HIT L.A." INT. DICK'S APARTMENT √ MORNING Dick's asleep in a recliner. He's wearing his clothes from the night before. His room-mate FLOYD is lying on the sofa watching TV. The sound of our hands knocking on his door wakes Dick up. He shakes the bats out of his belfry, opens the door, and finds the cutest couple in Los Angeles standing in his doorway. Clarence and Alabama immediately start singing "Hello My Baby" like the frog in the old Chuck Jones cartoon. CLARENCE/ALABAMA Hello my baby, Hello my honey, Hello my ragtime gal √ DICK Hi guys. Alabama throws her arms around Dick, and gives him a quick kiss. After she breaks, Clarence does the same. Clarence and Alabama walk right past Dick and into his apartment. CLARENCE Wow. Neat place. INT. PINK'S HOT-DOG STAND √ DAY The Pink's employees work like skilled Benihana chefs as they assemble the ultimate masterpiece hot-dog. EXT. PINK'S HOT-DOG STAND √ PATIO √ DAY Clarence, Alabama, and Dick are sitting at an outdoor table chowing down on chili dogs. Alabama is in the middle of a story. ALABAMA ... when my mom went into labor, my dad panicked. He never had a kid before, and crashed the car. Now, picture this: their car's demolished, crowd is starting to gather, my mom is yelling, going into contractions, and my dad, who was losing it before, is now completely screaming yellow zonkers. Then, out of nowhere, as if from thin air, this big giant bus appears, and the bus-driver says, "Get her in here.". He forgot all about his route and just drove straight to the hospital. So, because he was such a nice guy, they wanted to name the baby after him, as a sign of gratitude. Well, his name was Waldo, and no matter how grateful they were, even if I'da been a boy, they would't call me Waldo. So they asked Waldo where he was from. And, so there you go. CLARENCE And here we are. DICK That's a pretty amazing story. CLARENCE Well, she's a pretty amazing girl. What are women like out here? DICK Just like in Detroit, only skinnier. CLARENCE You goin' out? DICK Well, for the past couple of years I've been goin' out with girls from my acting class. CLARENCE Good for you. DICK What's so fuckin' good about it? Actresses are the most fucked-in-the-head bunch of women in the world. It's like they gotta pass a test of emotional instability before they can get their SAG card. Oh, guess what? I had a really good reading for "T.J. Hooker" the other day. ALABAMA You're gonna be on "T.J. Hooker"? DICK Knock wood. He knocks the table and then looks at it. DICK ... formica. I did real well. I think she liked me. CLARENCE Did you meet Captain Kirk? DICK You don't meet him in the audition. That comes later. Hope, hope. ALABAMA (finishing her hot-dog) That was so good I am gonna have another. DICK You can't have just one. Alabama leaves to get another hot-dog. Clarence never takes his eyes off her. DICK How much of that letter was on the up and up? CLARENCE Every word of it. Dick sees where Clarence's attention is. DICK You're really in love, aren't you? CLARENCE For the very first time in my life. (pause) Do you know what that's like? Clarence is so intense Dick doesn't know how to answer. DICK (regretfully) No, I don't (he looks at Alabama) How did you two meet? Clarence leans back thoughtfully and takes a sip from his Hebrew cream soda. CLARENCE Do you remember The Lyric? INT. THE LYRIC THEATER √ NIGHT Sonny Chiba, as "Streetfighter" Terry Surki, drives into a group of guys, fists and feet flying and whips ass on the silver screen. Clarence sits, legs over the back of the chair in front of him, nibbling on popcorn, eyes big as sourcers, and a big smile on his face. EXT. THE LYRIC THEATER √ NIGHT A cab pulls up to the outside of The Lyric. The marquee carries the names of the triple feature: "The Streetfighter", "Return of the Streetfighter" and "Sister Streetfighter". Alabama steps out of the taxi cab and walks up to the box office. A BOX OFFICE GIRL reading comic looks at her. ALABAMA One please. BOX OFFICE GIRL Ninety-nine cents. ALABAMA Which one is on now? BOX OFFICE GIRL "Return of the Streetfighter". It's been on about forty-five minutes. INT. THE LYRIC THEATER √ LOBBY √ NIGHT Alabama walks into the lobby and goes over to the concession stand. A YOUNG USHER takes care of her. ALABAMA Can I have a medium popcorn? A super-large Mr. Pibb, and a box of Goobers. INT. THE LYRIC THEATER √ NIGHT It's still assholes and elbows on the screen with Sonny Chiba taking on all- comers. Alabama walks through the doors with her bounty of food. She makes a quick scan of the theater. Not many people are there. She makes a beeline for the front whick happens to be Clarence's area of choice. She picks the row of seats just behind Clarence and starts asking her way down it. Clarence turns and sees this beautiful girl all alone moving towards him. He turns his attention back to the screen, trying not to be so obvious. When Alabama gets right behind Clarence, her foot thunks a discarded wine bottle, causing her to trip and spill her popcorn over Clarence. ALABAMA Oh, look what happened. Oh god, I'm so sorry. Are you OK? CLARENCE Yeah. I'm fine. It didn't hurt. ALABAMA I'm the clumsiest person in the world. CLARENCE (picking popcorn out of his hair) It's OK. Don't worry about it. Accidents happen. ALABAMA (picking popcorn out of his hair) What a wonderful philosophy. Thanks for being such a sweetheart. You could have been a real dick. Alabama sits back in her seat to watch the movie. Clarence tries to wipe her out of his mind, which isn't easy, and get back into the movie. They both watch the screen for a moment. Then, Alabama leans forward and taps Clarence on the shoulder. ALABAMA Excuse me... I hate to bother you again. Would you mind too terribly filling me in on what I missed? Jumping on this opportunity. CLARENCE Not at all. I, this guy here, he's Sonny Chiba. ALABAMA The oriental. CLARENCE The oriental in black. He's an assasin. Now, at the beginning he was hired to kill this guy the cops had. So he got himself arrested. They take him into the police station. And he starts kickin' all the cops' asses. Now, while keepin' them at bay, he finds the guy he was supposed to kill. Does a number on him. Kicks the cops' asses some more. Kicks the bars out of the window. And jumps out into a getaway car that was waiting for him. ALABAMA Want some Goobers? CLARENCE Thanks a lot. ALABAMA I thought Sonny was the good guy. CLARENCE He ain't so much good guy as he's just a bad motherfucker. Sonny don't be bullshittin'. He fucks dudes up for life. Hold on, a fight scene's coming up. They both watch, eyes wide, as Sonny Chiba kicks asses. TIME CUT: On the screen, Sonny Chiba's all jacked up. Dead bodies lie all around him. THE END (in Japanese) flashes on the screen. The theater light go up. Alabama's now sitting in the next seat to Clarence. They're both applauding. ALABAMA Great movie. Action-packed! CLARENCE Does Sonny kick ass or does Sonny kick ass? ALABAMA Sonny kicks ass. CLARENCE You shoulda saw the first original uncut version of the "Streetfighter". It was the only movie up to that time rated X for violence. But we just saw the R. ALABAMA If that was the R, I'd love to see the X. CLARENCE My name is Clarence, and what is yours? ALABAMA Alabama Whitman. Pleased to meet ya. CLARENCE Is that your real name? Really? ALABAMA That's my real name, really. I got proof. See. She shows Clarence her driver's license. CLARENCE Well, cut my legs off and call me Shorty. That's a pretty original moniker there, Alabama. Sounds like a Pam Grier movie. (announcer voice) She's a sixteen-calibre kitten, equally equipped for killin' an' lovin'! She carried a sawed-off shotgun in her purse, a black belt around her waist, and the white-hot fire of hate in her eyes! Alabama Whitman is Pam Grier! Pray for forgiveness, Rated R... for Ruthless Revenge! EXT. THE LYRIC THEATER √ NIGHT Clarence and Alabama are outside the theater. With the marquee lit up in the background they both perform unskilled martial arts moves. Clarence and Alabama break up laughing. CLARENCE Where's your car? I'll walk you to it. ALABAMA I took a cab. CLARENCE You took a cab to see three kung fu movies? ALABAMA Sure. Why not? CLARENCE Nothing. It's just you're a girl after my own heart. ALABAMA What time is it? CLARENCE 'Bout twelve. ALABAMA I suppose you gotta get up early, huh? CLARENCE No. Not particularly. (pause) How come? ALABAMA Well, it's just when I see a really good movie I really like to go out and get some pie, and talk about it. It's sort of tradition. Do you like to eat pie after you've seen a good movie? CLARENCE I love to get pie after a movie. ALABAMA Would you like to get some pie? CLARENCE I'd love some pie. INT. DENNY'S RESTAURANT √ NIGHT Clarence and Alabama are sitting in a booth at an all-night Denny's. It's about 12:40 a.m. Clarence is having a piece of chocolate cream pie and a coke. Alabama's nibbling on a peace of heated apple pie and sipping on a large Tab. CLARENCE Well, enough about the King. How about you? ALABAMA How 'bout me what? CLARENCE Tell me about yourself. ALABAMA There's nothing to tell. CLARENCE C'mon. What're ya tryin' to be? The Phantom Lady? ALABAMA What do you want to know? CLARENCE Well, for starters, what do you do? Where're ya from? What's your favorite color? Who's your favorite movie star? What kinda music do you like? What are your turn-ons and turn-offs? Do you have a fella? What's the story behind you takin' a cab to the most dangerous part of town alone? And, in a theater full of empty seats, why did you sit by me? Alabama takes a bite of pie, puts down her fork, and looks at Clarence. ALABAMA Ask me them again. One by one. CLARENCE What do you do? ALABAMA I don't remember. CLARENCE Where are you from. ALABAMA Might be from Tallahassee. But I'm not sure yet. CLARENCE What's your favorite color? ALABAMA I don't remember. But off the top of my head, I'd say black. CLARENCE What's your favorite movie star? ALABAMA Burt Reynolds. CLARENCE Would you like a bite of my pie? ALABAMA Yes, I would. Clarence scoops up a piece on his fork and Alabama bites it off. CLARENCE Like it? ALABAMA Very much. Now, where were we? CLARENCE What kinda music do you like? ALABAMA Phil Spector. Girl group stuff. You know, like "He's a Rebel". CLARENCE What are your turn-ons? ALABAMA Mickey Rourke, somebody who can appreciate the finer things in life, like Elvis's voice, good kung fu, and a tasty piece of pie. CLARENCE Turn-offs? ALABAMA I'm sure there must be something, but I don't really remember. The only thing that comes to mind are Persians. CLARENCE Do you have a fella? She looks at Clarence and smiles. ALABAMA I'm not sure yet. Ask me again later. CLARENCE What's the story behind you takin' a cab to the most dangerous part of town alone? ALABAMA Apparently, I was hit on the head with something really heavy, giving me a form of amnesia. When I came to, I didn't know who I was, where I was, or where I came from. Luckily, I had my driver's license or I wouldn't even know my name. I hoped it would tell me where I lived but it had a Tallahassee address on it, and I stopped somebody on the street and they told me I was in Detroit. So that was no help. But I did have some money on me, so I hopped in a cab until I saw somethin' that looked familiar. For some reason, and don't ask me why, that theater looked familiar. So I told him to stop and I got out. CLARENCE And in a theater full of empty seats, why did you sit by me? ALABAMA Because you looked like a nice guy, and I was a little scared. And I sure couldda used a nice guy about that time, so I spilled my popcorn on you. Clarence looks at her closely. He picks up his soda and sucks on the straw until it makes that slurping sound. He puts it aside and stares into her soul. A smile cracks on her face and develops into a big wide grin. ALABAMA Aren't you just dazzled by my imagination, lover boy? (eats her last piece of pie) Where to next? INT. COMIC BOOK STORE √ NIGHT It's about 1:30 a.m. Clarence has taken Alabama to where he works. It's a comic book store called Heroes For Sale. Alabama thinks this place is super- cool. ALABAMA Wow. What a swell place to work. CLARENCE Yeah, I got the key, so I come here at night, hang out, read comic books, play music. ALABAMA How long have you worked here? CLARENCE Almost four years. ALABAMA That's a long time. CLARENCE I'm hip. But you know, I'm comfortable here. It's easy work. I know what I'm doing. Everybody who works here is my buddy. I'm friendly with most of the customers. I just hang around and talk about comic books all day. ALABAMA Do you get paid a lot? CLARENCE That's where trouble comes into paradise. But the boss let's you borrow some money if you need it. Wanna see what "Spiderman" number one looks like? ALABAMA You bet. How much is that worth? Clarence gets a box off the shelf. CLARENCE Four hundred bucks. ALABAMA I didn't even know they had stores that just sold comic books. CLARENCE Well, we sell other things too. Cool stuff. "Man from U.N.C.L.E." Lunch boxes. "Green Hornet" board games. Shit like that. But comic books are main business. There's a lot of collectors around here. She holds up a little GI Joe sized action figure of a black policeman. ALABAMA What's that? CLARENCE That's a "Rookies" doll. George Sanford Brown. We gotta lotta dolls. They're real cool. Did you know they came out with dolls for all the actors in "The Black Hole"? I always found it funny somewhere there's a kid playin' with a little figure of Earnest Borgnine. He pulls a plastic-cased "Spiderman" comic form the box. CLARENCE "Spiderman", number one. The one that started it all. Clarence shows the comic book to Alabama. ALABAMA God, Spiderman looks different. CLARENCE He was just born, remember? This is the first one. You know that guy, Dr. Gene Scott? He said that the story of Spiderman is the story of Christ, just disguised. Well, I thought about that even before I heard him say it. Hold on, let me show you my favorite comic book cover of all time. He pulls out another comic. CLARENCE "Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos". One of the coolest series known to man. They're completely worthless. You can get number one for about four bucks. But that's one of the cool things about them, they're so cheap. (he opens one up) Just look at that artwork, will ya. Great stories. Great Characters. Look at this one. We see the "Sgt. Fury" panels. CLARENCE Nick's gotten a ring from his sweetheart and he wears it around his neck on a chain. OK, later in the story he gets into a fight with a Nazi bastard on a ship. He knocks the guy overboard, but the Kraut grabs ahold of his chain and the ring goes overboard too. So, Nick dives into the ocean to get it. Isn't that cool? She's looking into Clarence's eyes. He turns and meets her gaze. CLARENCE Alabama, I'd like you to have this. Clarence hands her the "Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos" comic book that he loves so much. INT. CLARENCE'S APARTMENT √ BEDROOM √ NIGHT Clarence's bedroom is a pop culture explosion. Movie posters, pictures of Elvis, anything you can imagine. The two walk through the door. ALABAMA What a cool room! She runs and does a jumping somersault into his bed. Later. Alabama's sitting Indian-style going through Clarence's photo album. Clarence is behind her planting little kisses on her neck and shoulders. ALABAMA Oooooh, you look so cute in your little cowboy outfit. How old were you then? CLARENCE Five. She turns the page. ALABAMA Oh, you look so cute as little Elvis. CLARENCE I finally knew what I wanted when I grew up. LATER √ LIVING ROOM Clarence and Alabama slow dance in the middle of his room to Janis Joplin's "Piece of My Heart". CLARENCE You know when you sat behind me? ALABAMA At the movies? CLARENCE Uh-huh, I was tryin' to think of somethin' to say to you, then I thought, she doesn't want me bothering her. ALABAMA What would make you think that? CLARENCE I dunno. I guess I'm just stupid. ALABAMA You're not stupid. Just wrong. They move to the music. Alabama softly, quietly sings some of the words to the song. ALABAMA I love Janis. CLARENCE You know, a lot of people have misconceptions of how she died. ALABAMA She OD'd, didn't she? CLARENCE Yeah, she OD'd. But wasn't on her last legs or anythin'. She didn't take too much. It shouldn't have killed her. There was somethin' wrong with what she took. ALABAMA You mean she got a bad batch? CLARENCE That's what happened. In fact, when she died, it was considered to be the happiest time of her life. She'd been fucked over so much by men she didn't trust them. She was havin' this relationship with this guy and he asked her to marry him. Now, other people had asked to marry her before, but she couldn't be sure whether they really loved her or were just after her money. So, she said no. And the guy says, "Look, I really love you, and I wanna prove it. So have your lawyers draw up a paper that says no matter what happens, I can never get any of your money, and I'll sign it." So she did, and he asked her, and she said yes. And once they were engaged he told her a secret about himself that she never knew: he was a millionaire. ALABAMA So he really loved her? CLARENCE Uh-huh. They kiss. INT. CLARENCE'S APARTMENT √ BEDROOM √ DAY It's the next day, around 1 p.m. Clarence wakes up in his bed, alone. He looks around, and no Alabama. Then he hears crying in the distance. He puts on a robe and investigates. INT. CLARENCE'S APARTMENT √ LIVING ROOM √ DAY Alabama's wearing one of Clarence's old shirts. She's curled up in a chair crying. Clarence approaches her. She tries to compose herself. CLARENCE What's wrong, sweetheart? Did I do something? What did I do? ALABAMA You didn't do nothing. CLARENCE Did you hurt yourself? (he takes her foot) Whatd'ya do? Step on a thumbtack? ALABAMA Clarence, I've got something to tell you. I didn't just happen to be at the theater. I was paid to be there. CLARENCE What are you, a theater checker? You check up on the box office girls. Make sure they're not rippin' the place off. ALABAMA I'm not a theater checker. I'm a call girl. Pause. CLARENCE You're a whore? ALABAMA I'm a call girl. There's a difference, ya know. (pause) I don't know. Maybe there's not. That place you took me to last night, that comic book place. CLARENCE "Heroes For Sale"? ALABAMA Yeah, that one. Somebody who works there arranged to have me meet you. CLARENCE Who? ALABAMA I don't know. I didn't talk with them. The plan was for me to bump into you, pick you up, spend the night, and skip out after you fell asleep. I was gonna write you a note and say that this was my last day in America. That I was leaving on a plane this morning up to Ukraine to marry a rich millionaire, and thank you for making my last day in America my best day. CLARENCE That dazzling imagination. ALABAMA It's over on the TV. All it says is: "Dear Clarence." I couldn't write anymore. I didn't not want to ever see you again. In fact, it's stupid not to ever see you again. Las night... I don't know... I felt... I hadn't had that much fun since Girl Scouts. So I just said, "Alabama, come clean, Let him know what's what, and if he tells you to go fuck yourself then go back to Drexl and fuck yourself." CLARENCE Who and what is a Drexl? ALABAMA My pimp. CLARENCE You have a pimp? ALABAMA Uh-huh. CLARENCE A real live pimp? ALABAMA Uh-huh. CLARENCE Is he black? ALABAMA He thinks he is. He says his mother was Apache, but I suspect he's lying. CLARENCE Is he nice? ALABAMA Well, I wouldn't go so far as to call him nice, but he's treated me pretty decent. But I've only been there about four days. He got a little rough with Arlene the other day. CLARENCE What did he do to Arlene? ALABAMA Slapped her around a little. Punched her in the stomch. It was pretty scary. CLARENCE This motherfucker sounds charming! Clarence is on his feet, furious. CLARENCE Goddamn it, Alabama, you gotta get the fuck outta there! How much longer before he's slappin' you around? Punchin' you in the stomach? How the fuck did you get hooked up with a douche-bag like this in the first place? ALABAMA At the bus station. He said I'd be a perfect call girl. And that he knew an agency in California that, on his recommendation, would handle me. They have a very exclusive clientele: movie stars, big businessmen, total white- collar. And all the girls in the agency get a grand a night. At least five hundred. They drive Porsches, live in condos, have stockbrokers, carry beepers, you know, like Nancy Allen in "Dressed to Kill". And when I was ready he'd call 'em, give me a plane ticket, and send me on my way. He says he makes a nice finder's fee for finding them hot prospects. But no one's gonna pay a grand a night for a girl who doesn't know whether to shit or wind her watch. So what I'm doin' for Drexl now is just sorta learnin' the ropes. It seemed like a lotta fun, but I don't really like it much, till last night. You were only my third trick, but you didn't feel like a trick. Since it was a secret, I just pretended I was on a date. An, um, I guess I want a second date. CLARENCE Thank you. I wanna see you again too. And again, and again, and again. Bama, I know we haven't known each other long, but my parents went together all throughout high school, and they still got a divorce. So, fuck it, you wanna marry me? ALABAMA What? CLARENCE Will you be my wife? When Alabama gives her answer, her voice cracks. ALABAMA Yes. CLARENCE (a little surprised) You will? ALABAMA You better not be fucking teasing me. CLARENCE You better not be fuckin' teasin' me. They seal it with a kiss. LATER √ THAT NIGHT CLOSEUP √ Alabama's wedding ring. The newlyweds are snuggling up together onthe couch watching TV. The movie they're watching is "The Incredible One-Armed Boxer vs. the Master of the Flying Guillotine". Alabama watches the screen, but every so often she looks down to admre the ring on her hand. CLARENCE Did ya ever see "The Chinese Professionals"? ALABAMA I don't believe so. CLARENCE Well, that's the one that explains how Jimmy Wang Yu became the Incredible One-Armed Boxer. We hear, off screen, the TV Announcer say: TV ANNOUNCER (off) We'll return to Jimmy Wang Yu in... "The Incredible One-Armed Boxer vs. the Master of the Flying Guillotine", tonight's eight o'clock movie, after these important messages... Clarence looks at the TV. He feels the warmth of Alabama's hand holding his. We see commercials playing. He turns in her direction. She's absent-mindedly looking at her wedding ring. He smiles and turns back to the TV. More commercials. Dolly close on Clarence's face FLASH ON: Alabama, right after he proposed. ALABAMA You better not be fucking teasing me. FLASH ON: In a cute, all-night wedding chapel. Clarence dressed in a rented tuxedo and Alabama in a rented white wedding gown. ALABAMA I do. CLARENCE Thank you. FLASH ON: Clarence and Alabama, dressed in tux and gown, doing a lover's waltz on a ballroom dance floor. FLASH ON: Clarence and Alabama in a taxi cab. CLARENCE Hello, Mrs. Worley. ALABAMA How do you do, Mr. Worley? CLARENCE Top o' the morning, Mrs. Worley. ALABAMA Bottom of the ninth . Mr. Worley. Oh, by the by, Mr. Worley, have you seen your lovely wife today? CLARENCE Oh, you're speaking of my charming wife Mrs. Alabama Worley. ALABAMA Of course. Are there others, Mr. Worley? Moving on top of her. CLARENCE Not for me. He starts kissing her and moving her down on the seat. She resists. ALABAMA (playfully) No no no no no no no no no... CLARENCE (playfully) Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes... FLASH ON: A big mean-looking BLACK MAN in pimp's clothes. PIMP Bitch, you better git yo ass back on the street an' git me my money. Pimp on street corner with his arm around Alabama, giving her a sales pitch to a potential customer. PIMP I'm tellin' you, my man, this bitch is fine. This girl's a freak! You can fuck 'er in the ass, fuck 'er in the mouth. Rough stuff, too. She's a freak for it. Jus' try not to fuck 'er up for life. FLASH ON: Pimp beating Alabama. PIMP You holdin' out on me, girl? Bitch, you never learn! FLASH ON: Alabama passionately kissing the uninterested pimp. PIMP Hang it up, momma. I got no time for this bullshit. BACK TO: TV showing kung fu film. BACK TO: Clarence's face. There's definitely something different about his eyes. Clarence springs off the couch and goes into his bedroom. Alabama's startled by his sudden movement. ALABAMA (yelling after him) Where you goin', honey? CLARENCE (off) I just gotta get somethin'. INT. CLARENCE'S APARTMENT √ BATHROOM √ NIGHT Clarence splashes water on his face, trying to wash away the images that keep polluting his mind. Then, he hears a familiar voice. FAMILIAR VOICE (off) Well? Can you live with it? Clarence turns and sees that the voice belongs to Elvis Presley. Clarence isn't surprised to see him. CLARENCE What? ELVIS Can you live with it? CLARENCE Live with what? ELVIS With that son-of-a-bitch walkin' around breathin' the same air as you? And gettin' away with it every day. Are you haunted? CLARENCE Yeah. ELVIS You wanna get unhaunted? CLARENCE Yeah. ELVIS Then shoot 'em. Shoot 'em in the face. And feed that boy to the dogs. CLARENCE I can't believe what you're tellin' me. ELVIS I ain't tellin' ya nothin'. I'm just sayin' what I'd do. CLARENCE You'd really do that? ELVIS He don't got no right to live. CLARENCE Look, Elvis, he is hauntin' me. He doesn't deserve to live. And I do want to kill him. But I don't wanna go to jail for the rest of my life. ELVIS I don't blame you. CLARENCE If I thought I could get away with it √ ELVIS Killin' 'em's the hard part. Gettin' away with it's the easy part. Whaddaya think the cops do when a pimp's killed? Burn the midnight oil tryin' to find who done it? They couldn't give a flyin' fuck if all the pimps in the whole wide world took two in the back of the fuckin' head. If you don't get caught at the scene with the smokin' gun in your hand, you got away with it. Clarence looks at Elvis. ELVIS Clarence, I like ya. Always have, always will. INT. CLARENCE'S APARTMENT √ BEDROOM √ NIGHT CLOSEUP √ A snub-nosed .38, which Clarence loads and sticks down his heavy athletic sock. INT. CALRENCE'S APARTMENT √ LIVING ROOM √ NIGHT Clarence returns. CLARENCE Sweetheart, write down your former address. ALABAMA What? CLARENCE Write down Drexl's address. ALABAMA Why? CLARENCE So I can go over there and pick up your things. ALABAMA (really scared) No, Clarence. Just forget it, babe. I just wanna disappear from there. He kneels down before her and holds her hand. CLARENCE Look, sweetheart, he scares you. But I'm not scared of that motherfucker. He can't touch you now. You're completely out of his reach. He poses absolutely no threat to us. So, if he doesn't matter, which he doesn't, it would be stupid to lose your things, now wouldn't it? ALABAMA You don't know him √ CLARENCE You don't know me. Not when it comes to shit like this. I have to do this. I need for you to know you can count on me to protect you. Now write down the address. TITLE CARD: "CASS QUARTER, HEART OF DETROIT" EXT. DOWNTOWN DETROIT STREET √ NIGHT It's pretty late at night. Clarence steps out of his red Mustang. He's right smack dab in the middle of a bad place to be in daytime. He checks the pulse on his neck; it's beating like a race horse. To pump himself up he does a quick Elvis Presley gyration. CLARENCE (in Elvis voice) Yeah... Yeah... He makes a beeline for the front door of a large, dark apartment building. INT. DARK BUILDING √ NIGHT He's inside. His heart's really racing now. He has the TV guide that Alabama wrote the address on in his hand. He climbs a flight of stairs and makes his way down a dark hallway to apartment 22, the residence of Drexl Spivey. Clarence knock on the door. A YOUNG BLACK MAN, about twenty years old, answers the door. He has really big biceps and is wearing a black and white fishnet football jersey. YOUNG BLACK MAN You want somethin'? CLARENCE Drexl? YOUNG BLACK MAN Naw, man, I'm Marty. Watcha want? CLARENCE I gotta talk to Drexl. MARTY Well, what the fuck you wanna tell him? CLARENCE It's about Alabama. A figure jumps in the doorway wearing a yellow Farah Fawcett T-shirt. It's our friend, Drexl Spivey. DREXL Where the fuck is that bitch? CLARENCE She's with me. DREXL Who the fuck are you? CLARENCE I'm her husband. DREXL Well. That makes us practically related. Bring your ass on in. INT. DREXL'S LIVING ROOM √ NIGHT Drexl and Marty about-face and walk into the room, continuing a conversation they were having and leaving Clarence standing in the doorway. This is not the confrontation Clarence expected. He trails in behind Drexl and Marty. DREXL (to Marty) What was I sayin'? MARTY Rock whores. DREXL You ain't seen nothin' like these rock whores. They ass be young man. They got that fine young pussy. Bitches want the rock they be a freak for you. They give you hips, lips, and fingertips. Drexl looks over his shoulder at Clarence. DREXL (to Clarence) You know what I'm talkin' about. Drexl gestures to one of the THREE STONED HOOKERS lounging about the apartment. DREXL (to Marty) These bitches over here ain't shit. You stomp them bitches to death to get the kind of pussy I'm talkin' about. Drexl sits down at a couch with a card table in front of it, scattered with take- out boxes of Chinese food. A black exploitation movie is playing on TV. DREXL Looky here, you want the bitches to really fly high, make your rocks with Cherry Seven-Up. MARTY Pussy love pink rocks. This is not how Clarence expected to confront Drexl, but this is exactly what he expected Drexl to be like. He positions himself in front of the food table, demanding Drexl's attention. DREXL (eating with chopsticks, to Clarence) Grab a seat there, boy. Want some dinner? Grab yourself an egg roll. We got everything here from a diddle-eyed-Joe to a damned-if-I-know. CLARENCE No thanks. DREXL No thanks? What does that mean? Means you ate before you came down here? All full. Is that it? Naw, I don't think so. I think you're too scared to be eatin'. Now, see we're sittin' down here, ready to negotiate, and you've already given up your shit. I'm still a mystery to you. But I know exactly where your ass is comin' from. See, if I asked you if you wanted some dinner and you grabbed an egg roll and started to chow down, I'd say to myself, "This motherfucker's carryin' on like he ain't got a care in the world. Who know? Maybe he don't. Maybe this fool's such a bad motherfucker, he don't got to worry about nothin', he just sit down, eat my Chinese, watch my TV." See? You ain't even sat down yet. On that TV there, since you been in the room, is a woman with her titties hangin' out, and you ain't even bothered to look. You just been starin' at me. Now, I know I'm pretty, but I ain't as pretty as a couple of titties. Clarence takes out an envelope and throws it on the table. CLARENCE I'm not eatin' cause I'm not hungry. I'm not sittin' cause I'm not stayin'. I'm not lookin' at the movie cause I saw it seven years ago. It's "The Mack" with Max Julian, Carol Speed, and Richard Pryor, written by Bobby Poole, directed by Michael Campus, and released by Cinerama Releasing Company in 1984. I'm not scared of you. I just don't like you. In that envelope is some payoff money. Alabama's moving on to some greener pastures. We're not negotiatin'. I don't like to barter. I don't like to dicker. I never have fun in Tijuana. That price is non-negotiable. What's in that envelope is for my peace of mind. My peace of mind is worth that much. Not one penny more, not one penny more. You could hear a pin drop. Once Clarence starts talking Marty goes on full alert. Drexl stops eating and the Whores stop breathing. All eyes are on Drexl. Drexl drops his chopsticks and opens the envelope. It's empty. DREXL It's empty. Clarence flashes a wide Cheshire cat grin that says, "That's ri