Obey The Beard

Mustache? No Sideburns? No Goatee? Maybe Beard? BEARD! Do you feel alone? Do you feel neglected? Not doin' too well with the ladies? Well I got the solution for you! Low self esteem? GROW A BEARD! Afraid to follow your dreams? GROW A BEARD! Are you lonely and sad? GROW A BEARD! Wanna look good in plaid? GROW A BEARD! Are you workin' out? GROW A BEARD! Did your car break down? GROW A BEARD! Ice caps melting? GROW A BEARD! Are you stuck in the middle of nowhere and you need to make an important phone call But the battery's dead and you can't find an outlet to plug in your charger? GROW A BEARD! Grow the beard! Feed the beard! Brush the beard! Manscape the beard! Stroke the beard! Love the beard! Fear the beard! Obey the beard! Obey the beard! (Obey the beard!) Behold the beard! (Obey the beard!) Accept the beard! (Obey the beard!) Respect the beard! (Obey the beard!) "Oh my god, Becky, look at his beard! It's just so... beard!" Impress your date, WITH YOUR BEARD! Eat a steak, WITH A BEARD! Chop down trees, WITH A BEARD! Crush your enemies, WITH A BEARD! Catch a fish, WITH A BEARD! Roundhouse kick, WITH A BEARD! Trawl the net, WITH A BEARD! Chia pet? Ch-ch-ch-chia, BEARD! Drive a truck, WITH A BEARD! Try your luck, WITH A BEARD! Arm wrestle, WITH A BEARD! Teenage Mutant Ninja BEARD! Pet your doggie, WITH A BEARD! I pledge allegiance to the beard! Can't grow a beard? Then buy a beard! Do you have a beard? Then GROW MORE BEARD! "You need to shave this thing!" SHUT UP GRANDMA, GROW A BEARD! Defend the beard! Drink to the beard! Cause beards are good... AND SCRUFF! (Obey the beard!) Behold the beard! (Obey the beard!) Accept the beard! (Obey the beard!) Respect the beard! (Obey the beard!) I was so empty and lost inside 'til I grew you ('til I grew you) I put my faith in my facial hair To get me through Well I can defy the odds again and again With you on my chin (you on my chin) With every moment you grow closer and closer To my heart "Sigh... I love you beard." "If you love it so much, why don't you just marry it?" "Huh..." "Do you take this beard to be your lawfully wedded beard, for bearder or for worse, in scruffiness and in beard, 'til shave do you part?" "I beard!" (Beard! Beard! Beard! Beard! Beard! Beard! Beard!) Abe Lincoln had a beard ZZ Top, epic beards! Dimebag Darrell, metal beard! Chuck Norris, kick ass beard! Number one, make it beard! Chewbacca, is a beard! Santa Claus, Jesus Christ God... HAS A BEARD! Obey the beard! Obey the beard! Obey the beard! OBEY... THE... BEARD!