Loathe Thy Neighbor

[Verse 1] Picture an elderly lady peeking through her blinds You wave her a friendly hello, while she glares with judging eyes Her glasses held by chains on pointy 1960s frames They help her see your faults as she's squinting with disdain A retired English teacher with an overwhelming fragrance Still alive, too stubborn to die, and death don't have the patience She has more cats than children by an order of magnitude And whenever she loses at bingo, she takes it out on you [Skit 1] Calls the cops on her rotary phone Every time you try to mow the lawn [Pre-Chorus] Close your blinds, lock your doors (Evil Wench) I mind my business, now you mind yours (Nosy Bitch) Keep to yourself and stay off my grass (Cranky Hag) Now get off my porch and get off my ass (YEAH!) [Chorus] Get off my ass Go back inside Stay in your home Leave me alone Get off my ass (get off my ass!) Go back inside (Go back inside!) Stay in your home. (Stay in your home!) Leave me alone (Leave me alone) [Verse 2] Imagine a jerk in his 40s In front of the broke down house that he rents Not all that bright, chugging Natural Light Flicking cigarette butts over your fence Screaming all day at his beat up truck that he always fails to repair More stains on his shirt than teeth in his mouth And he doesn't seem to care A former high school quarterback With delusions of long past glory Blasts 80s crap from his Pontiac As he tells you his whole life story He parks and blocks my driveway Then dumps his cup of tobacco spit Setting fireworks off after midnight? I'm about to lose my SHHH...temper [Skit 2] Mows his lawn at 2am (I shit you not) He likes me, but I hate him Deadbeat dad, he doesn't pay child support He looks like Carl from Aqua teen Hunger force (huh... yeah!) [Pre-Chorus 2] Close your blinds, lock your doors (Fucking Hick!) I mind my business, now you mind yours (Stupid Douche!) Keep to yourself and stay off my grass (Eat A Dick!) Now get off my porch and get off my ass [Chorus] Leave me alone (x4) [Skit 3] We all hate the HOA All the homes they look the same The mortgage states the house belongs to me You need to chill the fuck out and get off of my property [Skit 4] Some are so friendly but Some of them are enemies Makes me neurotic and keeps me on guard Battling those neighbors with tolerant diplomacy Tempts me to empty my bleach on their yard [Outro] I pour bleach on your yard (I) Spelled "BITCH" on your lawn (Yeah) that's right. FUCK your grass Loathe thy neighbor