Quitting Smoking Song

It's the quitting smoking song All the smokers cough along If I can do it, so can you Let's chew some gum and say fuck you It's the quitting smoking song All the smokers cough along If I can quit, you can quit Let's have some fun, break some shit Well this is the hundredth, billionth time I've tried to quit So sick of it, wait, shit, I gotta cough and spit I was a bitch before but now a triple bitch, bitch, bitch Slipped on day six and stick patches on both tits, oww Ripped 'em off with a rash, sick of the crap Sick of payin' nine bucks a patch, sick of keepin' track (anybody got a match?) Throw the pack in the trash and blow one fast and light it up (You shouldn't do that), you know, I know, uh, I don't give a fuck Can I get to the end and feel bad again Can't call your friends cause this is the tenth time you said you'd quit And this time I'm really gonna do it man, I got a plan Acupuncture and bran, nicorette, treadmill and zyban Man I feel weak, I feel so dumb I got ninety-nine problems, cigarettes is number one Gonna curse Benson Hedges, curse Phillip Morris Gonna curse you motherfuckers till I make it to the chorus It's the quitting smoking song All the smokers cough along If I can do it, so can you Let's chew some gum and say fuck you It's the quitting smoking song All the smokers cough along If I can quit, you can quit Have fun and break some shit I haven't smoked in a week, all my clothes still stink, eww What did I used to think, this website says my lungs have one spot of pink, what! What am I gonna do instead of smoke when one, drinking coffee, two, thinking about the Iraqis Three, in a boring conversation, four, mad impatient or five, waiting outside Six, while I drive, seven, feeling crappy, eight, feeling happy, nine, this is not happening! I can't stop snacking, it's numb-wracking My pants buttons are snapping and my rapping is totally blocked Got more wrinkles than a pitbull, plus a new pimple I'm supposed to be a sex symbol! Yeah It's official, I'd rather kill myself smoking than live without it So sick of feeling sick, so sick of myself sick of talking about it Gonna curse Marlboro, curse Phillip Morris Curse you motherfuckers till I make it to the chorus It's the quitting smoking song All the smokers cough along If I can do it, so can you Let's chew some gum and say fuck you It's the quitting smoking song All the smokers cough along If I can quit, you can quit Have fun and break some shit Wow, it's been a year, I still got a career Lost some weight but still don't got a stomach, or dough, like Britney Spears But I can actually breathe, got some nice white teeth And I can sit through dinner and not get up to smoke in the middle and leave Believe me, I've got a lot to say on the topic If you're a smoker and you know it clap your hands, now stop it! You look pretty stupid with that thing in your mouth Pretty insecure with that thing sticking out, little wrinkles on your brow I don't know how you're gonna do it but you better do it Your lungs or these corporations, which one you want ruined I'm sorry, I'm startin' to preach just a little bit Nothin' worse than a smoker who quit but you smell like shit Go kiss someone else, you taste so gross dude I smelled you before you even came close, eww Gonna curse Benson Hedges, curse Phillip Morris Gonna curse you motherfuckers till I make it to my chorus It's the quitting smoking song All the smokers cough along If I can do it, so can you Let's chew some gum and say fuck you It's the quitting smoking song All the smokers cough along If I can quit, you can quit Have fun and break some shit Hey can I have a cigarette now?