I Hope I Sell a Lot of Records at Christmastime

Ah yo Santa let's get something clear I'm half Jewish I shouldn't even be talkin about this time of year But I'm near tears tryin to fund my record label career While everyone drinks beer like they at Cheers Makin Nintendo bets On debts from bad rekkid deals for real I'm probably next I'm here sweatin my ass off, it's July But by the time this comes out I'll be behind my release schedule and Mariah Christmas will be sellin' out- why? I never did nothin bad to nobody I'm still friends with all my Ex's who stole money (Aw honey) Don't aw honey me Just give me the money please One of those cards with a pocket for cash A big stash or check to cash I'll snatch it Before you realize you acted rash and come at me all mad I've been good, well pretty good, at least in my mind Please let me sell a lot of records at Christmastime [Hook] Lalala La La La La There's one Christmas Star Princess Superstar! Ho Ho Ho! Who you callin' a Ho? Look, I'm too poor to afford Life size cut out cardboard of me poured into a size 4 With a floppy Santa hat on the record store floor Want ace product placement listenin station so while I'm on vacation I got my face on Raisin Brans round the nation I'm impatient need my wax to sell by the cases Like Mase's in God's good graces I'll be gracious Just let me retire with his wages I'm not aimless I wanna be A-list Hang out with someone famous Then my friends and I would all have someone to date us Like Tom Hanks, Billy Blanks, Shabba Ranks or any of the Franks- Stallone, Purdue, Avalon, or Delanor Roo Bill Gates too-(Ew) It's true, all I gotta do is sell through Go on tour then put out a live record real quick like Frampton or Badu I got a cold, it's gonna be Xmas soon and I'm getting old Hi Tower? Hi it's me again, how many units we sold? You mean we didn't go platinum or like gold? (Beep beep) Oh-that's my Rolls- Yo wait I'm on a payphone please don't even try to put me on hold!! CHORUS Ok you're all listening to my song that's a good sign So either you bought it, it's on the radio Or your friend is sayin ha ha listen to this funny song That's fine But if that's the case don't even think about the blank tape Take a date with your lazy ass go to Virgin or Other Music they close late And in case you don't make it visit my website blah blah dot com See old sexy pictures of me Order my record and buy the clean version for your mom Santa, just one hit, one seasonal favorite- One tear jerker piece of commercial shit For the ages or just enough to get an agent Watch how fast I'd sell out, get the cash get the hell out Be on VH-1 Where are They Now Eatin' filet mignons by the pound Round baby, Fat and gettin' down baby No need to fit in fancy clothes now Hey get the Camera crews off my grounds! Call me flash in the pan, the blonde chick who thought she could rhyme Please, just let me sell a lot of records at Christmastime!