Creepy Old Guy

[LYDIA] Way back when I was just ten Simple and sweet Everywhere Fellas would stare Out on the street And I felt used Kinda confused I would refuse to look in their eyes But now I really love creepy old guys! [ALL] We all do! [BARBARA] Gum disease [DELIA] Skin like grilled cheese [LYDIA] Saggy old asses! [DELIA, spoken] Saggy old asses! [LYDIA] It’s cute and vile- [DELIA & BARBARA] “Hey baby, smile!” [LYDIA] To each girl that passes! [DELIA] (wolf-whistling) [LYDIA] They make me blush! [BARBARA] Can’t get enough! [LYDIA] Now one of ‘em loves me, wants to be mine! [BARBARA AND DELIA] That’s right! [LYDIA] Marrying my own creepy old guy! [BETELGEUSE, spoken] I’m a creepy old guy! [LYDIA] My creepy old guy, my creepy old guy I’m so happy I could cry! [BARBARA & DELIA] Girls may seem disgusted, but we’re actually just shy! [LYDIA] My creepy old groom! [BARBARA] Creepy old groom! [BARBARA & LYDIA] Play that wedding tune [LYDIA] Hey folks, step aside! [BETELGEUSE, spoken] I am older, but I’m glad I waited! [LYDIA] 'Cuz here comes the bride! I am marrying my creepy old guy [THE OTHERS] Creepy old guy, creepy old guy, creepy old guy [LYDIA] My creepy old guy! [THE OTHERS] Creepy old guy, creepy old guy, creepy old guy! [LYDIA] Fix his hair Get him prepared For Armageddon [BARBARA] Sure, the groom Crawled out of a tomb- [DELIA] But hey, hey, it’s a wedding! [LYDIA] So dim the lights Pick up some rice Say something nice! It’s my day to shine I'm getting hitched to my creepy old guy! [BETELGEUSE, spoken] It's showtime! [BARBARA & DELIA] Creepy old guy, creepy old guy She’s marrying a creepy old guy! [CHARLES] Have you guys seen “Lolita”? This is just like that, but fine! [THE OTHERS] Creepy old dude, creepy old dude Our faith has been renewed Now love is alive! [LYDIA] Wave your baby girl goodbye I am walking down the aisle I wanna see a tear in every eye as I pass by I know that on the outside he’s disgusting And even on the inside, he’s disgusting But I know that this time, I'm makin' it right [THE OTHERS] Making it right, making it right! [LYDIA] With my family by my side [DANCE BREAK WITH BETELGEUSE AND THE GAME SHOW AUDIENCE OF SKELETONS.] [BETELGEUSE] O-M-G Dressed to a "T" Fancy and formal I found me a wife L'chaim! To life! This is so normal! I was ignored But now, I’m adored! ‘Cause I extorted, tortured, and lied Give it up for my underage bride! [THE OTHERS] Here comes the bride Here comes the bride God be glorified! [ALL (INCLUDING BETELGEUSE AND LYDIA)] I can’t believe some cultures think this kind of thing’s alright [LYDIA] My creepy old guy My creepy old guy Doesn’t he deserve a chance at life? [BETELGEUSE] Oh yeah, that’s right! [OTHERS] Yeah, that's right! [LYDIA] Let’s make him alive! I am marrying my creepy old guy! [THE OTHERS] Guy, guy, guy, creepy old guy, guy, guy, creepy old guy! Guy, guy! [BETLEGEUSE, spoken] I have chills! [ALL] Yeeeeeeeeah!