Dark Comedy Late Show

[Intro: Open Mike Eagle] We have a fuckin', uh, incredible show for you tonight Pardon me for saying "Fuckin'" on network television— I'm not gonna have this job for long—It's Exile! It's me, it's you. These are our guests Let's go. Yeah [Open Mike Eagle] I gave up and became a Spotify-er Paying myself a fraction of a penny playing "Qualifiers" I'm looking up and I'm stuck in a Chucky movie Saying yucky shit for chuckles like it's Lucky Louie So somebody better cancel me Before I get a chance to screen this ass-naked dance routine It's dark comedy, cold as a soldier's stare I've been exposed, so now the LOLs is my over-wear And I'm a polar bear with words for a fancy song I think it's the first verse from Little Miss Can't Be Wrong Fuck you, I like the Spin Doctors Is that dude Finn's father or just an impostor? The new internet thing's to be pretend awkward Non-prescription, thick-rimmed frames and rented gym lockers I'm a rapper, we lament being broke All the comics get money, but they spend it on coke You can watch us on the newsfeeds Fucking y'all's mornings up Until America admits that it likes dogs more than us And I can see the Super Bowls of the future: The Ferguson blacks vs. Missouri State Troopers The privacy rights vs. the personal computers Concussion researchers vs. university boosters I graduated college, I purchased all the extra books I'm supposed to be living in a house with a breakfast nook Joke's on me, though All this cheap alcohol and no Coke Zero Ashamed how proximity kills yo heroes Hey, yo, no poking, I'm still woke, Cee-Lo Yeah, It's all ripped from the headlines I'm all outta options like a Crip on the red line I got a deadline, before I never had a deal Stormed out of business meetings, slipped on mass banana peels I should probably shut my stupid mouth Shirtless in a fur hat and Vladimir Putin pout And North Korea's got practice missiles And I still check Yahoo cause we both got attachment issues Our Congress moves just like a cult could Invade Iraq 15 times in my adulthood And we quit asking for the reasons And clicked the Constitution's terms of service agreements We're dreaming from sundown to high noon And woke up by U2 albums all in your iTunes And it's close to a all out war With kids being murdered just for being black and tall outdoors They respond to demonstrations wearing kevlar briefs When the main problem is nobody respects our grief They say if it bends it's funny, if it breaks it ain't though I still got broke pockets and trying to host the Late Show Recording it every night, but I don't know where the tape go Homeless fashionistas tell me everything that they know Yeah, you got a style Tie them fancy sandals up, smile You on the NSA's candid cameras, now I'm in a church basement learning Shotokan I saw Jesus taking a selfie and I photobombed And dude better tag me A little recognition makes me do better gladly Like this one time when I got booed at a track meet In a Hellfyre Club sweater for two letter athletes One for regret dreams, one for most suppressed team Pressure valve gets released and sprays like a jet stream Karl Kani’s and Z Cavaricci’s from Chess King K-Mart name brands were the least interesting I appreciated presidential speeches on the West Wing I never had wet dreams or piloted an X-Wing I'm still terrible at being sarcastic black My man Exile, he knows what I'm laughing at My man Toy-Light, he knows what I'm laughing at The studio audience knows what I'm laughing at [Outro: Open Mike Eagle] Laughing at all types of shit I laugh at, um, CNN. I don't know why That might be an issue; that might be a problem actually It's not, it's not a humorous channel, you know what I mean? It's not trying to compete with Comedy Central If anything, it's trying to compete with Headline News Which I'm pretty sure is like the same company Or it's trying to compete with, uh, MSNBC kinda MSNBC is blue and to the left CNN is red, white, and black, and in the middle And Fox News is bright red and hollerin', and on the right And there's an elephant and a donkey And then an eledonkeyphant. A donkaphant Uh, a helladonkaphant. Shit