Lastly... Allow me to Explain Myself

[Intro: Novi Novak] Allow me to explain myself Allow me to explain myself Allow me to explain myself [Verse 1: Novi Novak] See, we lived in the hood, 600 a month My team lived in the garage, I lived in the front And my second in charge, he helped pay the rent Plus iTunes, shirt money and whatever we'd get Cause shit We was waiting on funds to come Like months on months on months and then some From promises of investors but never got none Promised large sums, but we never saw a crumb And if you get where I'm coming from, this shit's dumb This is exactly why i don't trust no one Cause we needed big money to make big moves Cause I felt small steps would make us look too new But who knew Saying two weeks, two weeks we'd have money But it never came and what's more funny I'm a goddamn dummy, was depressed and sat Cause from the start, I shouldn't even of relied on that Cause everyone relied on me and it seemed As if I was the one supposed to work for they dreams But I guess as a leader, that was kinda my thing But I needed a team, if you know what I mean Cause they never had ideas or reached out the box So like, how the hell we supposed to get to the top? If only I have ideas? Only I make moves Only I have passion, but I mean what can I do I'm only one man, and a fucked up one at that And that ain't hard to see if you just start looking back I'd give motivational speeches but two days later They was right on back down the escalator So for months on end, I tortured myself Hated life and it affected my health Barely slept, was spent and only had money for ramen I can't explain how many times I considered just stoppin' Talked suicide so much, he was my best friend Lot of lonely nights we would spend We'd play hide and seek and he's count to ten But lucky for me he never found me in the end [Verse 2: Novi Novak] I made "Save Me" while severely depressed Was how I confessed and addressed all that stress Expressed my regrets and wishes for death As I drowned in thoughts of homicide, tears and neglect I hated life, and all I had was my rhymes Even laughing, I was crying at the same damn time I couldn't cope and what killed the most Sloped, no brakes and completely wrecked my hopes I swear to God on this, my career, and life My father's grave, shit, I swear that twice For six months I actually thought I had cancer But couldn't afford the doctor for a definite answer According to the net, I had all the symptoms But I was way too poor to change how I was living Praying to God like "Man, you gotta be kidding It's sickening that you'd go and drown me when I'm barely kicking" And that tore me apart everyday So positive minded, hardest thing to stay Plus I was afraid to go to the doctor incase he's say Anything besides something along the lines of you're okay Well okay I didn't even tell anyone 'till I broke down Was crying my eyes out, thinking no one was around But Majeed walked in there after he said he was leaving Then I told him and he couldn't believe it Then he told me if I was dying and couldn't afford the treatments That he had my back and that Is a brother and I love him for that Cause even if he didn't mean it, them words carried me through And that's the type of shit a real friend'll do Yeah, that's the type of shit a real friend'll do [Verse 3: Novi Novak] I considered, would the fans stick with me through kemo? Assuming all the girl fans would leave me though I considered would they notice if I wore bigger hats? Should I wear a bandana and how would I go about that? I released a mixtape with no money to spread it So it sat there as people who'd love it completely neglect it And mentally breaking down, I was forced to accept it Cause once again in my life, I was completely rejected I thought the mix tape would bring me back But in fact, it just pushed me further into collapse Then half my team left, and I just cracked And everything sort of blacks out after that So to stop the thoughts I started smoking mad weed Considered if the devils offers would set me free I started reading power books and ironically It started having this weird power over me Cause it was all a process and I started to see How it's a political not talented industry Cause I only shook like one other rappers hand And the things he did to make it I don't want to do man But months later got the iTunes check and on the spot Spent the whole thing going straight to the doc Sitting in the waiting room was the scariest thing ever Hoping he'd come in and prescribe things to make me better Instead he came in, and he sat down Scanned some shit and he said "Let's see now," He asked if I had a past with depression And I said, "Why everybody always ask me that question?" Then I told him I read symptoms on the net Then he said "That's the worst place to check! You'd be surprised, people actually do that a lot They turn the smallest things into something they're not!" I'm like, "They're not?" "Yeah, a case of severe depression is all that you got!" A week later all the internal pain in me just stopped I was so depressed mentally, I was killing myself physically Goddamn, look what I did to me That's how fucked up I was in my head I just thank God my ass wasn't on any meds Cause I ain't have the nuts to make myself physically dead But my mind's so strong it tried to do it for me instead [Verse 4: Novi Novak] But after that, my whole life changed I was more determined than ever to get in the game And since they say everything happens for a reason And I believe it, I believe God did that to me So I'd take health more seriously I started writing like a mad man Released "Thrift Shop" and fans were like "God damn man!" Hell yeah man, hell yeah man! Tossed out my holey shoes Got a day job and started making my own moves, for real! And man now I'm more driven than ever And I ain't stopping 'till I change the rap game for the better (Is it better?) I apologize to my fans for my human mistakes As here I explained the wait So thanks, for sticking with me along the way Cause now I'm about to do whatever it takes, it's my fate [Outro: Novi Novak] I left a lot out but That's the gist of it I'd say the rest but, it'd be like a 25 minute song But you know, I guess I'll explain the rest later You just going to have to wait again *laughs* sorry