No Reason Boner

[Intro] This song is about a problem that I have Frequently [Verse 1] There are three, three, three kinds of erections Some are sexual, some occur during Periods of nervous tension But there's a mysterious third kind That no one really understands It happens when your shlong decides To take matters into its own hands [Hook] No reason boner No reason boner It baffles scientists No reason boner [Verse 2] This morning I was having breakfast At the Midtown diner The bagel was delicious And the coleslaw couldn't be finer I got a weird look from the waitress When I asked her for the check I looked down and realized I was one hundred percent erect [Hook] No reason boner No reason boner I like coleslaw but not that much No reason boner [Interlude 1] [Mailman] Hi! Welcome to the post office [Danny] Thanks! I just need to mail this package [Mailman] No problem, just place it on the scale [Danny] Sure thing! Oh! Oh god! I- I can't right now! [Mailman] Why not? [Danny] I- I have to go. I have a, uh, doctor's appointment at the dentist's! [Verse 3] Now things are a little awkward Between my mailman and I That was not my best lie I was just covering up for my [Hook] No reason boner No reason boner That was the wrong kind of package to mail No reason boner [Interlude 2] [Zookeeper] Hi! Welcome to the zoo! [Danny] Great! I love the zoo! Look at all those monkeys! [Zookeeper] Actually, those technically aren't monkeys, they're macaques [Danny] Wow! Macaque's really hairy! Uh, so, what time does the zoo close? [Zookeeper] About eight o'clock [Danny] Great! That gives me a chance t- Oh god Oh, not- not now! Not in front of the children! Why have you forsaken me lord!? [Bridge] This is no laughing matter This is not some kind of game I can tuck away my Johnson But I can never tuck away the shame It can happen anytime It can happen anywhere When the Loch Ness Monster Decides he wants to randomly come up for air [Hook] No reason boner No reason boner You're ruining my life No reason boner No reason boner No reason boner Why? ...Boner