Next To You

[Verse 1] We'd been friends for many years Until I finally confessed That I've always loved you dearly But you were unimpressed If I can never be your lover I'll accept our destiny And I'll embrace your gift of friendship As I jack off constantly [Chorus] Oh, I'll be there to lift you when you fall With one arm around your shoulder and the other on my balls Oh, if you need me you just have to call Cause I'll be next to you Masturbating [Verse 2] 1, 2, 3, let's do it! Through the good times and the bad I will do everything I can Like if you ever need help moving I can jerk off in the van If your car breaks on the road I'll grab my crank and pick you up And we can drive away together As I lotion up my junk [Chorus] Oh, it doesn't matter where our lives will lead us I will always stand beside you, both in spirit and in penis Oh, excuse me but I have to go dry clean this Cause I've been next to you Masturbating [Bridge] Look, I know this may seem weird, but it's not Every friendship I've ever had has been like this You should know that I'm not doing this for myself It's partly for you, but most of all, I'm doing this For America! [Chorus] Oh, tell me everything that's in your heart This is Claire, we're gonna make out You just go ahead and start If it escalates to boning It means I'm listening super hard Cause I'll be next to you Oh, wait, Claire brought a friend We're gonna have a threesome And a crowd of people's gathered To watch me bang both her and Lisa Oh, when this is done you and I are getting pizza Cause I'll be next to you Masturbating Slash having a threesome with Claire But still masturbating