GOP Primetime Rap Battle

[Intro: Brett Bair] Is there anyone on stage? Is there anyone on stage? Well, the rules for tonight; shrink government Thirty seconds Well, the rules for tonight; shrink government Without further adieu, let's begin [Verse 1: Jeb Bush (Chris Wallace) {​​​​Megyn Kelly}​​​​] In Florida they call me Jeb. I'm proud of my brother (You are a criminal) I've got a record in Florida We've done it twenty-seven times since World War II (But he says you do nothing) True But I have said that Mr. Trump's earned legal status Really mirrored what we said is ridiculous, tragic I believe we can do this the right way And with low expectations, dumb down everything They call me Vito Corleone. {​​​​What?}​​​​ Education, the Bloomberg Foundation Border enforcement means you pay a fine I've read the book about this, over an extended period of time [Verse 2: Donald Trump (Brett Bair)] (Mr. Trump) Murders, crime I've been challenged, and I don't have time The person that wins, if it's not me Have a good time as the Republican nominee What am I saying? I'm leading by a bit But you know what? We will win Drugs pouring across the border, it's fun And we need brain. Trump, Trump, Trump [Verse 3: Scott Walker (Megyn Kelly)] (Governor Scott Walker) Thanks. I'm a guy with a Harley The voters in Wisconsin, they tried to recall me You know, people like Hilary Clinton lead from behind We find mush, push, at least in my wife I ran a messed up law enforcement One article called me aggressively normal First off, I'd like to repeal Obamacare I ask for your vote, because I was worried for America [Hook: Mike Huckabee (Megyn Kelly)] (Fat pigs, dogs, slobs) Illegals (Disgusting animals) Prostitutes, drug dealers Pimps, all the people freeloading off the system And of course, I'm talking about Hilary Clinton (Fat pigs, dogs, slobs) Illegals (Disgusting animals) Prostitutes, drug dealers Pimps, all the people freeloading off the system And of course, I'm talking about Hilary Clinton [Verse 4: Chris Wallace (Brett Bair){​​​​Megyn Kelly}​​​​] (President Vladimir Putin started a campaign) (Hardliners in Iran chant Lebron James) {​​​​Well, that's awkward. We're just gonna shout out the names}​​​​ {​​​​Mike Huckabee, he unleashed a can, if you know what I'm saying}​​​​ We should favor a constitutional amendment Banning responsibility. The Mexican government Did a great job running your state of Wisconsin Government is stupid, Florida is toxic The last president bamboozled the American people And you say everyone from 2002 is illegal Could you please address Senator Cruz? Why not use this debate to share your proof? [Verse 5: Marco Rubio (John Kasich)] I was raised in the Amazon, and it is outrageous How is Hilary Clinton going to lecture me about education? Four years ago, I owed a hundred thousand dollars The majority of this to El Chapo from Guatemala My father was a bartender (My father was a mailman) (His father a coal miner) But enough about him People are frustrated. They will come illegally They will turn it into a new American century [Hook: Mike Huckabee (Megyn Kelly)] (Fat pigs, dogs, slobs) Illegals (Disgusting animals) Prostitutes, drug dealers Pimps, all the people freeloading off the system And of course, I'm talking about Hilary Clinton (Fat pigs, dogs, slobs) Illegals (Disgusting animals) Prostitutes, drug dealers Pimps, all the people freeloading off the system And of course, I'm talking about Hilary Clinton [Verse 6: Ben Carson] Well, I could take issue with all of those things The thing that is most important is having a brain Ukraine can't trust us with politicians Carson doesn't believe in the Geneva Convention We have weakened ourselves, militarily Take out half of a brain, freedom is not free Drive the debt to an unsustainable level And I've talked to a lot of the generals And believe me, people are stupid idiots We want to utilize military intellect And America became a great nation That separates creativity, and innovation [Verse 7: Chris Christie (Rand Paul){​​​​Ted Cruz}​​​​|Brett Bair|] I agree with Doctor Carson. Yes, I do When you actually have to be responsible, to give more tools (ISIS wants in a U.S. Humvee) (I've got a proposal; fund our enemies) When you're sitting in a subcomittee, blowing hot air You can say things like that (I asked the mayor) {​​​​That is nonsense}​​​​ But I am darn proud |It's good to see you gentlemen. What do you think of this crowd?| [Hook: Mike Huckabee (Megyn Kelly)] (Fat pigs, dogs, slobs) Illegals (Disgusting animals) Prostitutes, drug dealers Pimps, all the people freeloading off the system And of course, I'm talking about Hilary Clinton (Fat pigs, dogs, slobs) Illegals (Disgusting animals) Prostitutes, drug dealers Pimps, all the people freeloading off the system And of course, I'm talking about Hilary Clinton [Outro: Megyn Kelly (Brett Bair)] It's over! (That's it) The first Republican primary debate night of the 2016 presidential race Our thanks to the candidates, who will now be joined by their families (But fine, their families have been sitting here in this arena, on pins and needles) They were way more nervous than these guys (Way more nervous)