Absolutely Positively.....Practical Jokes

I play practical jokes, just to get a laugh (ha hah) I put roaches in my neighbor's bubblebath But anyway one day she called upon me She said, "Lyte - it's an emergency!" My next door neighbor had an errand to run I said, "Why Ms. Davis - ask your son" She said, "Ricky's at his grandmother's" I said, "Well what about Tommy, the younger brother?" She said, "See, umm, he's at the pharmacy" I said, "He'll be back soon how much longer could it be?" She said, "C'mon please, it's just a trip uptown If you leave right now you'll be back before sundown Hurry up, there's not a moment to spare It absolutely positively has to get there" Umm, I contemplated then I played a good Samaritan I started the car, then she threw the package in It absolutely positively has to get there (Get there?) It absolutely positively has to get there (Well then send it Federal Express!) It absolutely positively has to get there (It gotta get there?) It absolutely positively got to get there! (Yo who you rushin?) Pumpin out the music on the FDR Not far behind me was a DT car So I eased up selector, 55 the digit But on the FDR, 40 is the limit Here they come, sirens on I could see myself in jail til the break of dawn But they rolled right by it wasn't me they was after A little red corvette, they was tryin to capture Dread I feel sweat so I set down my jacket Look up ahead, now that's what I call traffic Dipped to an exit and I made my way through Couldn't believe when I hit first avenue On a Honda's ass, just about to crash Looked at the gauge and the shit said NO GAS Zero, nada, nothing in here see In car terms the shit was on empty Got out, and pushed the shit to the side Hailed a cab, then I caught a quick ride To the house of inflation, yes the gas station Gave a little tip to show my appreciation Got back to the ave where I left my car It wasn't there, but it couldn't have gone far Hot damn, I must have got towed Tried to figure out how much money I owed Went to the pound and I paid my debt Think that was the worst? You ain't heard nuttin yet Bumped into that crackhead Sam I used to see And like always, hand out, give me money In my tank was a dollar's worth of gas I had to get an ? machine fast It absolutely positively has to get there (Get there?) It absolutely positively got to get there (What?) It absolutely positively got to get there (Well send it some way else) It absolutely positively has to get there As I left the bank to walk back to the BM Couldn't believe what my eyes were seein Looked at the back tire, it was flate While the other three, were SO DAMN FAT A brother walked by and offered his help Ordinarily I woulda did the shit myself But he, changed it quick, so I passed him a ten Here I go on this journey again Went to the gas station, to fill it up When a crackhead from nowhere grabbed the pump I said, "LOOK, I don't need your help today" And I scared the motherfucker and he was on his way Oops, a cat, SHIT, scrat! Fur on my tires, and all that What's this, a stroke of bad luck? But at this point, I don't even give a fuck I got to get the package to the destination No matter what the confrontation I arrive, bag in my hand Lookin for a woman named Pam She opened the bag it was wrapped tight and snug But in that bag yo, in that bag 45, guess what? (What was it Lyte?) It was a box of q-tips .. a box of fuckin q-tips man!!! {*laughter*}