The Ballad of Hans Moleman

Music by Kevin Brew, MC Lars and Mike Russo Lyrics by MC Lars INTRO: And now, a poem by Hans Moleman "I think that I shall never see, my cataracts are blinding me" CHORUS: Moleman, Hans Moleman, you can't keep Hans Moleman down Moleman, Hans Moleman, you can't keep Hans Moleman down (x2) VERSE 1: Hans Moleman is his name a.k.a. Ralph Melish He's a stone cold player Artie Ziff was mad jealous When he dated Selma first, plus he's only 31 Drinking ruined his life, it's such a sad story son Got a knife in his cane and a fire in his loins The indie movie star who took a football to the groin Burns thought he was a leprechaun, drilled him in the head Slept with Lars Ulrich's grandmother then chilled with her in bed He's more metal than Metallica, though that's not so hard Homer drove him off a cliff, so impatient in his car He was hauling Poe's house, just another day for Hans But he's back on his feet cause he's the motherflipping man You know there's no escape from the Fortress of the Moles He's been burnt, run over buried, but he's still on a roll He's been radiated, detonated, heart broken twice The Lazarus of Springfield, always coming back to life, his name is CHORUS: Moleman, Hans Moleman, you can't keep Hans Moleman down (He's the bad luck Brian of 920 Oak Grove, Hipster Glasses so thick and round) Moleman, Hans Moleman, you can't keep Hans Moleman down (Cause he's trying out for Poochie while he's waiting on his kidney, he's the talk of the whole darn town) VERSE 2: Have you seen his green pants, have you seen his new shirt? He wasn't yelling "Boo!", he was yelling "Boo-urns!" Attacked by Roomba robots gone anthropomorphic He's part Droopy the Dog and part Kenny McCormick He was riding on his Harley on the cover of his bio Crashed into Planet Hype yeah he's been up there for awhile He was texting Homer hit him, well surprise, he survived! He's twice as cool as Milhouse though he can't really drive Have you ever felt crushed by the weight of the planet? If you have, let me tell you that Hans Moleman understands it But you've got to get up, you've got to put on your tie Lace up your orthopedic shoes, and look up at the sky And say hey, Solar rays, today you won't burn me up Keep that Moleman PMA, you can break out of that rut Cause when you're stuck in the snow and you're starting to turn purple Just remember Hans Moleman when the wolves start to circle CHORUS: Moleman, Hans Moleman, you can't keep Hans Moleman down (Cause he's like Cowabunga dudes, with a skateboard in his hand Hipster glasses so thick and round) Moleman, Hans Moleman, you can't keep Hans Moleman down (Even in his iron lung, well he's still dependable He's the talk of the whole darn town) BRIDGE: This player was the mayor over thirty years ago Brought an anthem to the people he told everyone he wrote Then one day it was discovered that whole thing was hoax So they tied him to a horse out in the desert, let him go (x2) CHORUS: Moleman, Hans Moleman, you can't keep Hans Moleman down Moleman, Hans Moleman, you can't keep Hans Moleman down (x3)