Signing Emo

Lyrics by MC Lars & Tom Gates Music by MC Lars, Mike Sapone, & Hearts that Hate Once upon a time, in the city of Los Angeles… “Marty, Marty listen to me Bring me something the kids will cry for Get out there, and get us stoked!” Meet Marty, major label A&R scout Forty years old, gut hanging out Red Ferrari, Marty living in L.A Bumps another line to get through the day Dumped by his girl, he paid for her liposuction His friends call him Money in his introduction And Marty knows nothing but claims to know it all Lose the flat screen TV if he drops the ball You’re as good as your last hit, find the next big thing If he doesn’t bring the bling, his cell phone won’t ring What’s the trend, what’s new? What’s a label scout to do? Office life, Marty 11:32 The label pres. calls and yells, “Sign more emo!” How about screamo? “If it sells, sign Nemo,” “We’re down 2%, and BMG knows My Daughter likes Dashboard, so get me one of those!” He checks AP.net, the Scout and more Yelling band names to his assistant through the door The kids like this, who cares if it’s great? So he signs a band called Hearts that Hate “Marty… we’ve got a hit!” [Hook] Cry tonight. My hands around your hands I won’t let you die tonight Cry tonight. My heart’s in your hands I won’t let you… Hearts that Hate, Marty goes to their show Up in the club and here we go Marty sees a girl in a Simple Plan shirt With a Senses Fail boy, ha! that’ll never work He finds his label friends in the corner they huddle An emo cattle auction, they penetrate the bubble They talk about Victory and signing TBS Dissing the same bands they just tried to impress So the lights go down, the crowd starts to scream Hearts that Hate have hit the scene Blake on vocals, and lead guitar He does a backflip, “Look how different we are!” They show up at the studio to record it A TRL, Billboard Modern Rock hit They auto-tune Blake, but he can’t tell He says, “I’ve got perfect pitch, damn I sing well” ProTools, Logic, cut, copy, paste Quantized solos and quantized bass Signed, sealed, delivered and sent Across the U.S. and the single went [REPEAT Hook] Momentum builds, but it all caves in Industrial comes back, the pres. needs a NIN Marty finds a new band called “Fetal Coil” And Hearts that Hate try to keep their fans loyal They re-work their sound for album number two As “Machines of Hate” but their career is through They break up and work pushing mops and brooms Blake gives guitar lessons in his living room Blake gives guitar lessons in his living room Blake gives guitar lessons in his living room “Can you teach me track five Mr. Blake?” “Hey, I wrote that song and it goes like this!” [REPEAT Hook]