O.G. Original Gamer

Lyrics by MC Lars and MC Frontalot Music by MC Lars, Jonathan Coulton, Linus Dotson, and K.Flay [Chorus] OG Original Gamer Sad as “Face of a Stranger” [Lars:] Dad found me on the steps of the video arcade Oprhan baby in a basket, seven pounds is all I weighed And before I learned to walk well I’d mastered Donkey Kong Q*bert, Final Fight, Master Blaster, and Pong Blindfolded – okay yeah I know it sounds adorable But dollars signs in Pop’s eyes grew creepy and deplorable He said [Frontalot:] Play by the noises, follow the ding boing [Lars:] But I can walk the dog and do my homework? [Frontalot:] First, collect coins! Kid, didn’t I find you with a controller in hand? Now why do you got to go and bring shame to your old man? Same to your old fans; you were a child prodigy Up on a milk crate at the cabinet, making cottage cheese Out of anybody’d put a quarter on screen My pride in you, extended like the limbs of Dhalsim All green money motives must a back seat take! Put the textbooks down, I’m trying to make you great [Chorus(x2)] [Lars:] Locked in the attic Pops trained me from my crib to the stroller I messed up he’d beat me senseless with the NES controller [Front:] Kid listen I promise, it’s for your own good Wits that you’ve shown: should you level up? It’s understood! [Lars:] I hadn’t seen the sun since ’98 like Sega Saturn I’ve been learning ten-hit combos and the speed run patterns [Front:] More play, less chatter. You’re a champion, kid Under your mattress there had better be some cartridges hid [Lars:] Up up down down left right left right B A – mad scary It’s like Clockwork Orange meets Ray Bradbury [Front:] It’s unnecessary to struggle; you’re fated to win But until you beat Bowser, you stay strapped in [Lars:] I want to live a fun life, I’ve only seen the sun twice I want real friends dad, Nintendogs won’t suffice [Front:] Why do you ask for nothing when the world could be yours? Flesh-and-blood fun’s fleeting. Seek eternal high scores [Chorus(x2)] [Lars:] I want to go to school and clean my room I don’t want to sit here playing Doom Can’t you see I need to go out and play yo Real sports like baseball, I’m sick of Halo [Front:] Then you’re sick of the meaning of life — at your age! Better try a little harder, you want to clear that stage And step into the middle of an existence examined Do it, or you’re grounded: make you play backgammon [Lars:] Here’s a list of things that I’d rather do Than sitting home playing Super Smash Brothers with you Eat peas, do the dishes, walk the dog, mow the lawn Take your Wii and shove it, I’m off Pops, I’m gone…. Peace! [Front:] Don’t Joust with me kid, I’ll go berserk After all of your talent, all of my hard work All the winnings that you earn, your celebrity too You want to put us on the streets, like the TV movies do! [Chorus(x2)]