How to Be an Indie Rapper (Lars Attacks Ver.)

[Intro] Good morning children Children, please sit down You all know me, Superintendent GTB We have something, extra special this morning Something - ay sit down, Gracie, Xavier There's not going to be any of that, sit down We have two very special professors with us today MC Lars, and Weerd Science {YAYYYYYY!} They're here to teach all of us how to be, indie rappers [Verse 1: Weerd Science] [Clears throat] AHEM! Here's a little rap about the steps that it takes To be an indie rapper, but who knows, one day one of the greats I'm not saying that it's easy but these steps can help If you follow 'em close you could carve out a career for yourself STEP ONE! Get your hide ready to tour in a van The limelight might sparkle but it's not real man STEP TWO! You've got to flood the internet with material Go serial, 'til it spreads like venereal STEP THREE! You've got to keep a close eye on your ticket stubs The only bottles you'll be poppin' is the water from the club STEP FOUR! You can forget about the champagne and filets Cause it's more like Tostitos and old PB&J STEP FIVE! This is probably one of the most important Never sign to a major and let your heart get extorted STEP SIX! You've got to book all the shows that you can And hopefully you get a chance to win the headliner's stance STEP SEVEN! Never mind all the pointin' and the laughin' Your girl won't be psyched you spent all your time rappin' STEP EIGHT! Remember hip-hop's about being true Gotta go, peace, Weerd Science, more work to do [Hook: MC Lars & Weerd Science] How to be an indie rapper - class is in session Take notes, and learn your lesson It's Weerd Science - and MC Lars If you follow our steps, you can go far [Verse 2: MC Lars] A is for the albatross they call a day job B is for the beats - make sure they sound way hot C is for the cash you collect on the road D is for the drives that you make to get to shows E is for the energy on stage that you need F is for the food, your band you need to feed G is for the gross on merch that you get H is for the half that goes to costs, don't get upset I is for your income, also known as net J is for the journey, who knows what to expect? K keep the L love, M major labels um N-O never sign to one, P keep your publishing Q is for Quickbooks, R save your receipts S for social networking, T technology U understand that building takes time V viral videos can supplement your rhymes On your brand dot com, W use the web Know it takes X years, a lot of work and sweat Y is for the "yes yes y'all" on the mic Z, zero compromise, you can stack that paper high [Hook] [Verse 3: MC Lars] We be ballin on that indie rap tip (rap tip) Got a knot in my pocket that I'm happy to split Because a strong PMA goes a really long way When you find a niche to build from and you have a lot to say [Verse 3: Weerd Science] Find your own voice! That's a good point Lars (thanks) Whether you're rockin' amphitheaters or playin' half-filled bars You've got to bring it every night; if there's five people there They could be the five that spark and ignite your whole career [Verse 3: MC Lars] Hustlenomics 2.0, slangin similes and metaphors Alliterative assonance is what these kids all came here for We grab it, tag it, sell it, brand it, put it on the internet Interject and come correct, intercept that gingerbread [Verse 3: Weerd Science] Finding your own image in a business of copycats It's hard - MC Lars, you copy that? (Copy that) You figured out how to pay rent and be in this business Make a song about that I'm all ears like Will Smith is [Hook] [Outro] That's it kids Be sure to do your homework for Monday's assignment "How to use tax writeoffs as a way to charge things As business expenses, that aren't really And it's not that ethical" [nervous laughter]