History’s Greatest Assholes

I got a new drum set, I’m testing it out! Look what I can do Mom Yo, so people always remember the good guys but what up with the villains? I’ve compiled a list of my favorite ones in rap form for you, here we go, the greatest assholes in more or less chronological order Here’s a list of famous assholes, let’s start with this dude Named Cain, killed his brother and that was just rude Brutus & Cassius were jerks – just a little Nero was no hero, Rome burned, he played the fiddle Caligula could give you a night to remember Ghengis Khan might tie you up and lacerate your member And when it came to ballers there was Vlad the Impaler He’d run a stake up through you out your mouth to make you holler! It’s no mystery, history remembers Pirates pillaging and villagers dismembered Vikings on a quest in their dragon shape boats Running up on castles, jumping over moats Christopher Columbus rolled up with a fungus Pizarro and Cortes made the natives all say “um this… One-sided exchange is not that nice!” Like Henry the VIII beheading wife after wife [Hook] History’s greatest assholes, history’s greatest assholes History’s greatest assholes, I’m calling you out, I’m calling you out! History’s greatest assholes, history’s greatest assholes History’s greatest assholes, I’m smoking you out, we’re smoking you out! Benedict Arnold & Oliver Cromwell Napoleon Bonaparte all wish it had gone well With blown apart plans like Andrew Jackson A Trail of Tears dividing families like fractions Jack the Ripper had bad morals – like Lenin Stalin killed 20 million and sent them all to heaven Or hell, I don’t know but one thing is for certain So many Russian people murdered behind an Iron Curtain Gavrilo Princip shot Franz Ferdinand Which lead to World War I and a famous Scottish Band Which lead to World War II and freaking bodies everywhere At the Holocaust museum there’s a wall of shoes and hair On a rainy day in Amsterdam – tell me why I saw Anne Frank House – and it made me cry So whistle while you work, Hitler was jerk Mussolini was a weenie, assholes got some nerve! GAME SHOW HOST: Okay Lars, the turn goes to you LARS: I’ll take compassionate athletes for $500 Alex HOST: This football player is also known as a strong advocate of animal rights LARS: Who is Michael Vick? HOST: I’m sorry Lars, but that is incorrect LARS: Damn! [REPEAT Hook] Mengele was sick, with that scientific research Lamps of human skin blood up on his t-shirt Pol Pot, Ho Chi Minh, Idi Amin All up in the jungle acting real mean Mark David Chapman shot a Beatle on the street James Earl Ray killed Martin Luther King Manson crashed parties and painted the town (The Zodiac killer has yet to be found.) It’s an inside job trading junk bonds and derivatives Systematic risk, Wall Street greed is quite indicative 20 billion in the bank, but y’all kept on spending Killing our economy with subprime lending Vince Offer slapchopped a hooker in the face John Mayer said very awkward things about his race Charlie Sheen…. Wait hold up, everyone’s rapping about Charlie Sheen right now and it’s played out and boring And whack so I’m going to skip this part Biff Tannen well actually, his whole family I’m speaking candidly like Colmes and Hannity It’s insanity, they rapin’ everybody We tune in when it’s shocking and we tune when it’s bloody Mel Gibson hittin’ women thinkin’ he can get away like OJ Oh wait what would Dr. Laura say? Okay, no way, yo I almost forgot George W. Bush, you got the number one spot!