Gary the Green-Nosed Reindeer

Lyrics by MC Lars Music by MC Lars & the Dust Collector In a magical land, in a magical town Santa and his magic elves are hanging around Building magical toys for boys and girls To deliver to the world and bring Christmas joy The reindeer and snug in their snow-covered stable While Santa puts turkey on the dinner table But a mile away, huddled in the snow Gary sits scared as the arctic winds blow Alone, on his own, forgotten and lost Surviving on roots and the permafrost Dreams of joining Santa’s team filled Gary’s head And he’d walk by the stable when they had all gone to bed He’d tap on the glass, the reindeer would laugh Cutting Gary’s self-esteem painfully in half He was Rudolph’s half-brother, unplanned, unwanted By his father’s indiscretions he would be forever haunted [Hook] Gary the Green-Nosed Reindeer (reindeer) Was of unexpected birth But one year he saved Christmas And he proved to them his worth All of the other reindeer (reindeer) Used to laugh and make him cry They never let poor Gary (Gary) Fly with them up in the sky In a big dark castle on the other side of town Osama Bin Laden was wearing a frown With a bat on his shoulder, decked in a black cape He devised a new plan to make America shake He said, “I’ll destroy Christmas, here’s what I’ll do: I’ll kidnap poor Rudolph, it’s 9/11 part two The West will quake when their holiday is gone Then I’ll rule the world, like my name was Exxon” He snuck into the stable, so he could steal Rudolph and he left in his Jihad Mobile Santa found out the news and he said “Oh, dear Rudolph’s gone, there will be no Christmas this year!” The elves began to cry and the sky turned gray But Gary heard the sobs walking by that day He shared Rudolph’s DNA and had something to say He said “I can guide your sleigh and make everything okay.” Santa said, “Who are you?” Gary said, “I’m Rudolph’s half brother You can tell ’cause my nose is green, instead of red!” Santa said, “Whatever, just put on this harness.” [Hook] So then one happy Christmas Eve Santa came to say, say (say) “Gary, with your nose so green Won’t you guide my Christmas sleigh?” Then all the reindeer loved him (loved him) And they shouted out “hurray!” (hurray) Gary the Green-Nosed Reindeer (reindeer) Thanks for saving Christmas Day And the toys were delivered across the world Bringing Christmas joy to every boy and girl Osama was fed up and let Rudolph go And the brothers reunited in the north pole snow Rudolph said, “Hey Gary, I’m sorry we laughed And left you forgotten, like president Taft We know it made you cry, we’re sorry we were mean We’d like you to join our reindeer team” And that is how Christmas got its colors From the red and green noses of the reindeer brothers You may see them flying high on Christmas Eve Bringing gifts to little kids like Stacy and Steve And Dennis and Cindy and Claire and Louise Playstation 2s and Green Day CDs But nada for Osama as they say in Espanol No GameCubes in his stocking, now Santa brings him coal [Hook] Gary the Green-Nosed Reindeer (reindeer) Was of unexpected birth But one year he saved Christmas And he proved to them his worth All of the other reindeer (reindeer) Used to laugh and make him cry They never let poor Gary (Gary) Fly with them up in the sky So then one happy Christmas Eve Santa came to say, say (say) “Gary, with your nose so green Won’t you guide my Christmas sleigh?” Then all the reindeer loved him (loved him) And they shouted out “Hurray!” (hurray) Gary the Green-Nosed Reindeer (reindeer) Thanks for saving Christmas Day