Fuckin' Up My Christmas

[Intro : Steve Martin] See this is the way I meet girls y'know, I'm like being cool And, I've always had this problem with girls and that is I'm sure ev-everybody has with members of the opposite sex In this case that would be a girl And uhh, y'know, y-you start talking to 'em And you can be real cool and real confidant up to a point Then you start to ask them out or something And it's like, you lose control of your lips y'know And you get nervous and real mealy-mouthed and Y'know it's like, "Yeah I'll be goin' to London for a couple of weeks And then umm, hmm, I'll be back here in two weeks no I gotta stop in New York for six days for some business there I'll be back here in about uhh, three weeks, so listen When I get back, I was wondering if maybe you might mea-UHH..." {*laughter*} [Mc chris] Ladies that are fat, ladies that are skinny Ladies that are all night on my jimmy Ladies that won't charge me a buck-fiddy Just wanna get with me cause I'm so pretty Bitties, who wanna bite off a little sum'thin Best part's the top like a Drew Barry muffin Bitties that wanna turn on the love oven And cook up a casserole of Stove Top stuffin This type of sum'thin causin fear with my gumption Takin out my beaker cause I'm Honeydew, Bunsen I got ya jonesing for my potion, got my finger on the button That's why MC be struttin Wish I could erase this erection Honies comin at me from every direction Lookin for the Love Connection A stinky sweaty sexin, with no protection So line up the contestants I'll open up their drawers like the kid in The Sixth Sense I won't persist this distance, gotta get up in this She fuckin up my Christmas! [Hook: higher-pitched computerized voice] Fuckin up my Christmas is a new way of saying Fucking up my shit This is not so much a holiday-oriented song As it is an exclamation of dismay at the sight of a beautiful woman [Mc chris] She fuckin up my Christmas, biz-nitch Catchin glimpses in tiny tidbits I was fine till you was in my business Wit'cha you volleyball booty and your frilly pink tits Yo what up wit dis, it's mc chris M in my name stand for Monolith No it's not a lisp, you're a finalist Here's a sash for that ass it says dominance Now here's my hotel key and some common sense Get up to my suite or you're incompetent Do you wanna be a winner or the opposite? So lick them lips, drop them shits, and step on it [Hook] [Outro : Steve Martin] "So listen uhh, you wanna come over to my place? Well look just in case hell does freeze over, where can I reach you?" {*laughter*} Okay! {*whistling and applause*} You people are sick!