Stand Up Guy

[Verse 1] Brew the coffee in a bucket Double straight man and banjo If you don't got the snake oil Buster, you don't got a show Who puts the do re me in our pockets Keeps the party goin' on? It's the man who sells the potions I'm just the one who plays the songs Now they generally buys The bigger size They usually rub it in I drank it once, it tasted Like grease and paraffin It's mostly alcohol, okay You can't deny it's strong We was goin' through the motions 'Til the doctor came along [Chorus] There stands the bottle Ladies and gentlemen All these bottles Don't have to tell you, friends These days miracles Don't come fallin' from the sky Raise your glasses to the doctor To a stand up guy [Verse 2] When the monkey shine is flyin' And he's promisin' the cure He says the French for your lovesick blues La maladie d'amour He gets the chumps all laughin' But he gets a few to buy Here's a beefsteak when you're hungry And whiskey when you're dry Now the band'll blow their moolah Like sailors gone ashore Now we're goin' to West Helena To gamble, drink and whore Let's you and me all make whoopee Here's mud in your eye Here's to all the gals he ever want And Heaven when you die [Chorus] [Verse 3] There's a big cheese with a cigar Been sizin' up the show He wants to get the doctor Pitchin' on the radio I will make a switch to guitar But the rules all still apply They want to trust somebody Yeah, they want a stand up guy [Chorus]