Deranged Barber

[Intro] [Kid talking] (Majik Most): Hey yeah, I just need a haircut. Yeah, like maybe a little bit off the top, like a trim (Yeah, I can give you a haircut. I'm A FUCKIN' BARBER!) Naw, naw just like a trim. (Yeah). Just a little bit off the top (Yeah I know what the fuck I'm doin'. Just sit down in the chair.) Well, okay but...you know I just want a little bit off the sides, like a trim (Yeah, I'll cut you real nice.) Yeah okay, OOOWW MY HEAD! [Verse One] You want a Majik Most logo carved in your fro? Awww, my hand slipped, now you look just like Bobbito It's not me bro, these scissors are messed up Rusted shut, let me oil up the clippers I'll clip your neck quicker when I drink a little liquor I might lop your ear off, aaawww stop actin' soft Sit still Don't you dare move or cough Or you'll look like Robocop when he took his helmet off The nerve of this guy To say, "Move faster." He left with a skin fade disaster Uhhh "You want a Meximullet?" "Yeah, what's that?" "Like that Mexican cat with long hair on the back." Or that other guy Zach, from Saved By The Bell You'll Screetch when I reach for my razor from Hell It's bloody and old and got mold on the side You wanted a part? Well, now you got five [Hook] You better tuck in those ears before I swing these sheers I've been doin' this for years, just sit down in that chair A little off the top? Now a chop off that block Give you a crew cut, now you strut like a gay cop [Verse Two] You want a Little Richard helmet? Huuum, let's do this Leave you lookin' like a Buddhist with a balding cap Fuck Rogaine kid, your hair is never coming back Believe me black Yo, you'll be embarrassed I'll leave you semi-hairless, lookin' like Ed Harris I'm careless with this Deranged, gone mad I'll grab the scissors and stab all in your shag I hate when cats wanna talk and conversate I'll give you a mohawk and say it looks great I'll use a Flowbee on a white kid named Toby till he looks like Moby (JESUS, I JUST WANTED A HAIRCUT!) Fuck up your identity like Das EFX chemotherapy Slice your scalp, give your wig to charity It's scary, cause you're lucky when I cut you when I'm sober Leavin' cats with comb overs from here to Oklahoma [Hook] "As a barber I don't just cut hair. I listen, I get to know my clients The most important part in being a barber is my ability to remember details About each customer." "Oh hey, watch that birth mark, OW! Jesus Christ!" "I told you to hold still." "Jesus Christ are you a barber or a butcher? I'm bleeding like a stuffed pig here." "Like a fucked up barber, I'll push your wig farther." - Mobb Deep "When the clippers touched my hair they blew the fuck up." - Jeru The Damaja "Catchin' more wreck on your dome, than a deranged fuckin' barber." - GangStarr "Straight up gettin' your hair cut gave me ?" [Outro] [Majik Most & Celph Titled talking] [MM] Yeah, Majik Most. A deranged fuckin' barber. Yeah, yo, yo, yo, yo I'll leave you with an Omar Epps/Gumby head [CT] Naw kid, Pat Sajak [MM] Ha ha, naw no I'll make you look like Lyle Lovett and you'll love it [CT] Pat Riley oil spills! [MM] Naw, naw, naw, naw, yo, I'll leave you with Buzz Aldrin buzz cut [CT] Fuck you up like Dauber from Coach, kid. Mop head [MM] Yo, leave you with a Motley Crew mop. A Motley Crew mop! [CT] What about them kids with side spikes? Remember that shit? [MM] Fuckin' tails! Remember kids with tails? [CT] Oh shit, Theo from Cosby Show had a tail! [MM] Yo, yo, yo that's how we do, yo. Phat tracks. Celph Titled and Majik Most [CT] What?!?! [MM] Deranged fuckin' barbers! [CT] Blat blat! "Oh no they're gonna try and cut my hair" - Jeru The Damaja