Stay at Home Dad

[Intro] "Alright baby girl, lets sing to it." [Pre-Verse 1] You're getting your degree, you're going to college I'm making music and hoping that Kanye puts me on But If I don't make it baby, would you be mad at me? If I just chilled at home as your stay-home-daddy? [Verse 1] Come on, I'll make you coffee (coffee), and a bagel (bagel) And another bagel (two bagels) Keep on reading that paper, then it's off you go "Hun, you're gonna be late Don't forget your briefcase, drive safe" ("Peace, babe") Wake up the kids, toast the toast, put the Raisin Bran up in the bowl The toast.. did I forget the toast? The toast is toast, dammit, I burnt the toast Start crying, the kid's like, "Dad, what's wrong?" "Oh, it's not you, kids, it's just me, I'm alone Papa's a little bit stressed out -- oh, fuck!" Feeling so sensitive, I'm going for a latte See what's popping at pilates Hit up my friends like, "Yo, what up man, you trying to have a spa date? The fuck? You're a stay at home dad, that's not gay!" [Hook] Ay, ay, ay, ay, you go to work, I mow the lawn Ay, ay, ay, ay, you make the cheese, I'll bring the guac (nacho sauce, Spanish) Ay, ay, ay, ay, you buy the clothes, I'll take them off ("JNCOS! FUBU!") Ay, ay, ay, ay, I'm a stay at home dad, this is my job [Pre-Verse 2] You go girl, get that promotion I'll be on the sofa, collecting unemployment Yelling at the T.V., watching Maury Povich Quit groping that girl, Maury Povich [Verse 2] Who is this Jenny Jones bitch? Shit, it's four o'clock, time for Oprah (Oprah!) The gospel of the Lord, for dads who stay at home Even though we can't get boners We still watch Rachael Ray and Emeril cook lasagna Swooping up the kids from soccer practice (soccer practice) Then time for gymnastics, Rice Crispy treats and wax baggies I'm with my kids in the minivvan, listening to NPR With the windows down, through the cul de sac Then it's homework time, dinner time, set the placemats Cook, clean, tuck the rugrats in blankets Then I lay you down, pop two Cialis, put on Sting And then go quench my palette Is that douche, or does your cooch just smell like flowers? Your feet are calloused, peppermint towlette Jasmine pedicure? Scented oil, homeopathic backrub? I am Alladin, your carpet is magic, your wish has been granted I would just love to ride your carpet out of the palace Now keep on bringing the green, baby, and I'll keep on tossing salad [Hook] [Outro] "Ladies and gentlemen, we have been conditioned to believe we must fit in a role, brainwashed by Babylon. Depicting our role must match our genitalia, hell to the no. It's men who go to work, and women raise the children, but I know the hardest job is maintaining the household, so I am doing a back-to-back, no tradebacks, with this briefcase. For 2010, I am staying at home."