Morning After Pill

Verse 1: I awoke unaware in a fog of whiskey Wrapped inside a coat from the hair of The dog that bit me I was lost and dizzy And still feeling awfully pissy When I noticed my alarm had missed me God forgive me or at least my boss With all this nausea in me I just need time off In a big way, which sucks Because much to my dismay I just used up all my sick days Oh I wish they made a quicker fix To deal with the way the liquor sticks When it hits your lips Which isn't a bit as quick As the wise-cracks, oohs and grunts Hit the lips of your homies When you lose your lunch Or you kiss a chick Whose size of skirt and intimate undergarments Indicate that she likes dessert I'm sick of it I only wish the guys at Merck Would find a cure To keep me sipping fine liqueur For every time I had to drive to work late Let 'em line 'em up like every night's my birthday The first taste is great Twice the same The third makes lightning rain and the earth shakes Chorus: Tonight's a game while tomorrow is harassment Say goodbye to shame Sayonara embarrassment It's nice to drain a bottle with arrogance And never think twice again when you wanna Wallow in merriment I wish they made a morning after pill So I wouldn't have to feel like such an a*shole still When I swig from every booze on the shelf Until I've had my fill to the gills and make a Fool of myself You wouldn't smell like a liquor distillery Relief would be as easy and quick as a pill in me One dash of aspirin, a lick of senility And you'd slip from the grip of humility Verse 2: Three cheers for beer and forever Steering clear of the car crash that Always seems to come with your bar tab Cause cognac should come with a hard hat Just for when your flight nosedives and you Run into tarmac You gotta be a sharp tack to stick around Sitting on a stool sipping stout til your lips are brown First knock the Guinness out and switch to Murphey's Beer gut stuffed like we're twisted turkeys It's a hurt piece to kick your work week Off by feeling lost with a wish for mercy Search me while you find a kid that's thirsty Who didn't know his woe was prescription worthy Kids from Jersey who cross the bridge and New York Is boozed like abused foster kids And we all could use a cure for this So get in line for a better life at your doctor's offices For every time I made a scene in public Let 'em line the bar with Jim Beam and club mix And never mind the life of pain that You might sustain should you Forget to buy your miracle drug fix Chorus: Tonight's a game while tomorrow is harassment Say goodbye to shame Sayonara embarrassment It's nice to drain a bottle with arrogance And never ever think twice again when you Wallow in merriment I wish they made a morning after pill So I wouldn't have to feel like such an asshole still When I swig from every booze on the shelf Until I've had my fill to the gills and make a Fool of myself You never smell like a liquor distillery Relief would be as easy and quick as a pill in me One dash of aspirin, a lick of senility And you'd never have to live with humility Outro: I wish they made a morning after pill So I wouldn't have to feel like such an asshole still When I swig from every booze on the shelf Until I've had my fill to the gills and make a Fool of myself You wouldn't smell like a liquor distillery Relief would be as easy and quick as a pill in me One dash of aspirin, a lick of senility And you'd never have to live with humility