Ozark Empire, or a snake oil salesman comes to your town

I'd like to welcome all you suckers to struggleville say ahh open up and take this pill. You'll sit down in your cubicle and eat when we tell you to and when your services are not needed here anymore, you'll clean out your desk by noon and no talking to the new kid security will see you all the way to the door. It's like a prison but we pay you more so you owe us more just lock your doors and feel real safe inside your house is no longer a good place to hide. Hey, there's no more corner office or golfing with the bosses you have a wife and kids to tell. That you got axed today and you lost your 401k you wear your necktie noose so well, and you march just like a natural, you are just what we're looking for. You're perfect in every single way so come and join our little army, of high class, beautiful, intelligent, talented, well adjusted, clean, listeners Have you got a headache, cold, or aneurism working on a heart attack, with bad vision. Back hurts, can't breathe right, afraid to fall arthritis, hemorrhoids, high cholesterol. Embarrassed by your bad skin not good with the ladies, don't quite fit in. Too fat, too skinny, way too tall bring all your problems, because this will cure them all, this will cure em all, this might cure some of them It's ok, you're not a loser, you've just lost. You'll get used to 2nd best when considering the cost. You have to be born first, learn, and grow up fast. Work hard, love, and then come in last, and then work harder, for someone else's dollar and at the end of the day all you can do is borrow. Plastic saves lives when it's a hard hat people it's a mad world already, you're not making it easier. We've got the cure...We made the medicine...We have your answer it'll give you a headache, but it will fight all your cancers. So, take two of these and call me every hour there will be some internal bleeding, so just don't shower. If you're invisible or feeling miserable this is what you need. If you feel the need to breathe and just can't quite succeed you are the target audience indeed. First off you have to listen really really well try and discern what it is we have to sell. Just some smoke and mirrors with good looking people all around you. The way you do it is wrong, i'm glad we found you. Bait and switch, caveat emptor, fine print fine print so sign right here and everything else will be sent to your house in 12-16 weeks and depending on the postal service it might take a few more weeks. Don't worry we do this all the time we're professionals, just make sure you read the sign Have you got a headache, cold, or aneurism. Working on a heart attack, with bad vision. Back hurts, can't breathe right, afraid to fall arthritis, hemorrhoids, high cholesterol. This will cure it all, this will cure it all, this will cure it all but just keep your reciept there are no returns, or refunds, and i'll repeat. This will cure anything, just remember that, just remember that, just remember that, just remember that. Just belive that