James

[Verse] This story’s ‘bout a kid that I once knew a while back The name was James, never saw him smile man His mum had a boyfriend she’s on and off with He’d get drunk and angry then whale on Jim Jim's mum didn’t care if the cunt knocked him out His dad ain’t around, unknown whereabouts Last time they spoke, was a few years ago Back then he’s expecting a new baby bro Now he don’t know, if his brother’s alive He could have more siblings than he’d realise He knows he’s got seven, by now like eleven He’s got so many questions that he finds depressing Especially since only one lives with him But his older bro’s just a bad influence A dead beat bro with a dead end job Dedicated only to ranking up on COD He’s twelve years older and still acts a kid Hang with some mates and bring em back to his They’d tease little Jim make him feel like a kid No-one would care, mum and bro joined in So James ran away, on a nightly basis Hoping his mum, might go and chase him And then apologise for the shit in his life But that never happened not even a goodbye He’d end up in the forest crying to himself Thinking suicide’s the way out of this hell He was scared of the thought, he may or may not And fifteen years ago in the exact same spot Jim’s brother tied to a tree a rope swing He made so long ago, still ain’t broken So he could end his life with his brother’s help But he’d get overwhelmed and go back to his hell Still smells the weed coming from his brothers room His mum’s passed out, in the other room Weed and alcohol were surrounding his life And before he went to college he gave up, the fight Gave into the drugs, but he was still all alone At least it was an improvement, over school though Cause back then he, was an outcast, andre 3000 Miles from friends, but friends he found some And that’s when life would turn around And he no longer felt like he was drowning After 17 years he finally had mates But they are all in, the united states He’d stay up all night, talking to them Looking forward to the good times ahead He weren’t out going, nor well spoken But these were the friends that he had chosen Content with his life, only just getting by If he hadn’t had his friends, he felt he woulda died The thoughts still crept in, every now and again His mates suppressed them, they were true friends He made plans to see them, spent his life savings To fly over the ocean, he needed some changes They came in abundance and soon felt reluctant Cause he fell in love with his best mates cousin But his mate didn’t mind, in fact it was encouraged He gave Jim advice in a lengthy discussion On how to ask her out and what she would like He saw her the next day and felt so alive And so he saw her, felt his heart pounding She looked so beautiful, filled with doubt and He began to expect a resounding no Looked her in the eye and quit the pouting So he built up the courage and asked her out She grabbed his hands, then, he looked down and Saw that his watch, it had stopped counting Time was frozen until she announced that She felt the same way and wanted to date So for the next 2 months, almost each day They were inseparable, but the time had come For him to go back, where he was from He wished to stay cause he felt he belonged It was a heart wrenching goodbye, and not before long The arguments started with his girlfriend And then there bond was beginning to end The distance too much, and she had some news Last night she drank way too much booze He felt depleted cause she had cheated That was the evening, he, began the seething His point of no return, he began lashing out Now he didn’t care, started having bouts With every other human on this fucking planet Only the Lord knows how he could manage His mum had enough, cut off his phone Packed his bags and said to leave home With no friends no-one offered him a couch Forced to move out and live at nan’s house But she had no internet so no friends here And no friends there, alone, no-one cared He’d sit there listening, to Pac, started drinking Got some Hennessy, sipping and chilling With a drink in one hand and a blunt in the other His mind is missing, while his CD was spinning He’d, be spitting, cause he’s drunk and high now Wanting to escape, and live a rappers life style So no-one knew his struggle, they’d only see the trouble He lived in a bubble, that he felt only Pac would Be able to understand, with him he felt connected Cause with everyone else, he really had no connection He dreamt of thugz mansion saw death around the corner He thought “If I were a ghost, who would mourn me If I die 2nite? Not my dear mama" Went back to her house, asked for another Chance to come home, he felt all alone His mum said no, again he asked, “No!" It didn’t take much but he thought of his closest Friends that had left him, it was in that moment Where in the blink of an eye he felt so hopeless After a fight with his mum he escaped to the forest She said “you’re as dead to me as your fucking dad” That’s when he came up with his master plan And as he looked at the rope as it dangled He imagined himself in it, being strangled He muscled up the courage and climbed the tree Put his neck through the noose, as he began to make peace The support of his family was in both hands As he held himself up, and then he began To let go of the rope, to earth he’d fall back And in the blink of an eye, his neck, snapped