Intro (Who Am I?)

[Verse] In my mind I’m a fighter, my hearts so tired I’m sick and exhausted of a life so dire I’m in need of a fork-lift to lift me higher I’m so sick of talking through the wire Not like West did yes it’s hectic My mind’s never quiet, there’s a few, that get it I’m a disaster, now what am I after? My life’s now harder you ain’t got the answers Sway back and forth, mind’s not complying I’m trying, I’m crying, I’m typing, I’m writing Fuck it I ain’t whining, I’m striving, I’m fighting And now I’m rising, my mind is lightning You won’t see it strike, in the same place twice I’m up for the fight, I’ll plow through, the strife When life gets tough I tend to rhyme I’ve been in a rut ain’t working this time Only takes one thing to make me crazy That’s why I rap over a beat so Shady And earlier today seemed to be so normal Well that was this morning, now kicks and screaming Punched a hole through the door and fist is bleeding “don’t let it bother you” that’s wishful thinking Too long I’ve been seething, I hate the feeling That’s why I rhyme, to start the healing I don’t spill my guts when the going gets tough It stays bottled up, until I erupt I’m still writing now because of the rush The pain is nothing compared to the buzz My hand is swollen, let’s hope it’s not broken And there’s only one thing, that keeps me coping It’s these here poems, they keep me going My friend’s help too but they’re over the ocean Over here I’m lonely, I feel like I’ve only Got my younger bro looking out for me But sometimes we fight like we don’t even care About one another, I wonder who’s here And actually does care cause honestly I swear I feel like it’s just him, is anyone there? I don’t need you now while I’m already broken I needed you years ago, oh now you notice? Well it’s too late now, I'm way too far gone Life just gets harder, while it gets darker It’s harder to fix, a broken man Than it is to build him up since his life began I’m far from normal but I like it that way But I’ll admit it’s harder that way Growing up my mum was over protective Don’t know if I’ll be able to correct it I’ve always suppressed it, when things got hectic But the times come for me to address it From start to finish, I'll tell you my story Before the rhyming when things were gory I'll tell you why I am who I am I guess let's start with why I rap I rap because I needed to vent About the events of my life I'd pent Up the anger, and explode without warning My brain would be so clouded by storms and I couldn't even begin to fucking think straight So close to the brink that I would debate My own life I'd take, I felt so alone Then I met a girl that I'd put on a throne And I know I have to thank her for teaching me love She became my everything, I loved her so much Cute and her name became synonymous But now it's the fucking same as anonymous Whenever you were down I knew what to do I’d stay up all night just talking to you And that’s where my problems with insomnia begun 4 years later and now I’ve become One to thrive and live for darkness And that’s just another reason why it’s hard it’s Sad because, we never had a chance Especially when ya said ya loved someone else I cared so much, but somehow you fell For some other dude, you weren’t mine to lose It don’t make sense, but the love’s too intense You never told the truth, I just had to guess “Do you love me or do you love him? There’s too many questions, yo fuck this shit! No wait, I want you, please just choose me” I’d go back and forth but it weren’t meant to be You did fuck me up but I learnt a lot I can’t stay mad in fact I give thanks Cause you’re part of the reason why I am who I am I dunno who that is yet or even what this head Can articulate, there’s too much going on What’s next is now, hard to make sense of I find it baffling but I’m mostly past it I was cheated on and I’ve found it hard since Then to trust other, people now I'm Lost, distrustful, sleepless, and shy I’m only mostly past it cause I struggle With opening up, and now I'm troubled By my lack of trust worthiness Cause all my friends left, it hurts my chest The few I have now are all I could ask for I’m thankful for that, but you make my art poor Cause my raps tend to stem from depression When I’m with them there’s no fucking stressing I’m happy, I ain’t rapping, I ain’t rapping cause I’m happy It hardly makes sense but I love rapping But this ain’t all that I am it can’t be Cause I’d quit, give it up in, a heartbeat If it meant always being around friends But alas I ain't, always around ‘em I’m still stuck writing at least I have this It gave me a reason that I need to live Cause 2Pac raised me I’m a hip hop baby I wanna make music, it shouldn’t make me After this mixtape maybe I’ll quit Escape to America, fuck this shit I love you mum but you made me think That no-one cared, “fuck this kid” According to you that’s what dad said But in reality you wanted dad dead You’re angry at him fine, but I shouldn’t be Stuck in the middle cause then I believed The lies you told me, and then even more Only you cared, well that’s what I thought The arguments started your anger’s unharnessed After the initial startle I hardened I no longer cared, what you had to say But there’s still scars left to this very day I hate how we fight I’m a proud Gemini But you’d always let it known that you hate my sign Is there just one of me, with two different sides? Is there two versions of me, living one life? Is there more than two of me, hiding inside? Or is there more to me, than meets the eye? Sometimes I feel like I just wanna end it I feel like a fucking schizophrenic There’s too much going on, in my head it’s Sometimes hard for me to accept it But very few times I let it take over I go with the flow and let my mind roam It’s only then I’m completely sane But, I like, being quite deranged So then I guess I like being schizo Dunno though cause I know I’m in limbo Ah well fuck it, it’s just how my brain is I go through phases where sometimes I hate it So what if there’s more than meets the eye I told you before I’m a proud Gemini But mum if you love me why’s your hate blind ya Forget about dad he ain’t worth your time mum You couldn’t forget, you’re just like me You care so deeply it’s not that easy To forget about a love that now just hurts But after Ray passed it became a curse You became bitter and filled with anger From that point forward it became your anchor I promise I won’t let it, happen to me I’m cursed the same my emotions are deep I can only hope that one day it’s a blessing And I’ll look at your life and I’ll learn my lesson That I can’t let anything weigh me down Which is why I think, that the time is now For me to explore, all these old feelings That are trapped inside and hopefully release them So I’m no longer haunted by all of my thoughts Because it’s gotten way too daunting At night I can’t sleep I'm awake in bed There’s a fucking puzzle inside of my head All I can see is a bunch of words For the last few years it’s always occurred It’s no longer hopeless this is the only Moment I’m focused my eyes are closed There’s so many words one day I wonder Will it be too much and tear me asunder Will these words break my bones Or will they point me towards my throne It could be a darkness that swallows me whole But it could be the light that sparks my soul With this mixtape I’ll work it out and With this mixtape I’ll know Who I Am