Down With An Elf

[Spoken Word Intro: Mc Crack-A-Lack] Yo, it’s Christmas time, and I know everybody be filled with joy and good tidings and whatnot, but I got a bone to pick. See, the holidays ain’t so cheery for yours truly. And let me tell you why… [Verse 1: Mc Crack-A-Lack & (Crew)] Hey yo, I’m pretty sure my lady’s gettin’ down with an elf Yo, I know this shit sounds crazy, don’t believe it myself But I think she’s fucking someone tiny, I am ill at ease Cause the bitch has got hickeys all around her knees She says: [Hoochie Back-up Singer:] I gotta go out for somethin’… I say, “Baby, that’s fine” She comes home hours later smellin’ like a toy assembly line And if you don’t know what that smells like, let me make it clear – It’s (SUGAR!) And (SPICE!) And (HOLIDAY CHEER!) I get home from work early, open up the bedroom do’ Hear the sound of jingling bells shootin’ out the window Under the bed, I found a little green cap And directions to the North Pole were on Google Maps I’d a caught him by now, but little people got stealth Still, I’m pretty sure my lady’s gettin’ down with an elf [Hook: Crew] He’s pretty sure his lady’s gettin’ down with an elf [Verse 2] Yo, if she were nailin’ Santa, I’d have understood But not some 3-foot faggot dressed like Robin Hood! My homies say: [Homey Back Up Singer:] Elves ain’t real, dog! That shit is whack! Then how come she’s turned on every time we pass a Baby Gap?! All she wants to fuck to anymore are Christmas carols Or the soundtrack to that stupid movie with Will Ferrell And when we make love, she wants shit that’s insane – The bitch asked me to paint my dick up like a candy cane! I caught her in the toy department touchin’ herself That’s why I’m pretty sure my lady’s gettin’ down with an elf [Hook] [Verse 3] That the dude’s a fuckin’ midget is the worst damn thing I mean, it’s not like he’s that sexy elf from “Lord of the Rings” That guy shot arrows; he had style and class – On the real, even I’d a done Legolas But an elf from Santa’s workshop? Man, that shit ain’t right! My bitch is gettin’ off on pointy shoes and tights! She moved the KY down to a lower shelf – I’m pretty sure my lady’s gettin’ down with an elf [Hook 2: Crew & (MC Crack-A-Lack)] He’s pretty sure his lady’s gettin’ down with an elf… (I’m pretty sure…) He’s pretty sure his lady’s gettin’ down with an elf [Spoken Word Outro: Mc Crack A Lack] Merry Christmas